What happened?
Someone please, if you can see a link, connection, reason what ever you want to call it for the way I'm feeling now, please enlighten me.So it was the family meal tonight. Been feeling pretty good all weekend and tonight. The meal went great and it was really nice. The atmosphere was nothing like I imagined and it was a really good night.I helped my Brother clean up and then went up to my room to decide what I was going to do for the rest of the evening. I came up at about 9 o'clock I think. Turned my laptop on, was going to play a game. Decided I'd just check on a couple of websites before I started incase I had any messages to reply to. Then it started, just like it always seems to. I suddenly had this though "I've given Mum a really nice Mother's Day, now I could do it. (kill myself) I wouldn't have to worry, Mum would be happy now" and that was it. Depression hits me again. Start thinking about tomorrow, weigh day at Day Patients. I think, well that will be the trigger to start restricting again. I can restrict like I did last year. Everything about recovery just goes out the window and I want to self harm. Why does this keep happening!? Why can't I just STAY happy! Was I really happy in the first place? Or was it just cause subconciously I knew I wanted to make Mum happy this weekend. I don't know what I want, what I should do or who I am anymore.
Replies
I feel like this happens all the time as well.
For me, I know I\'m addicted to self injuring, and that\'s why these urges keep returning. Even if I\'m happy, I have a physical addiction to SI, and it makes it harder to stop.
Maybe that is your problem as well?
If you ever need anyone to talk to, I\'m always open.
God Bless.