What happened?
I am just totally confused right now, I mean what happened? Where did everything start to go wrong for me and my family? I have an amazing partner who will go out of he's way to make me happy and ensure I have everything I could possibly want or need. I have a beautiful daughter, despite her current health problems, she is one of the most precious people in the world to me, I am expecting a baby in October. I now own my own home and my partner is in a job he loves finally. Seems perfect doesn't it?
So where did it all begin to go wrong? Was it when we moved away from our family? No I don't think so, because we was really good. Yes I miss our family and friends, but we did what was best for us as a family. Our daughter is settled in school, my partner has a full time job that he actually likes and we've been able to extend our family, with this little bundle of joy in my tummy.
Maybe it was when we lost Squiggly. <3 That was what we called our little angel. Since we never knew the gender as I lost Squiggly when I was 6 weeks 5 days pregnant. Another Journal entry explains all this. See this right here caused problems, why couldn't I... NO.. Why won't I allow myself to grieve? Why is it so hard for me to let go of this heartache? Why am I letting this tear my relationship apart? Surely losing our baby should of brought us closer together? Now the problem I have it I'm 15 weeks pregnant again, so I feel like I absolutely cannot grieve because of the stress to this little bundle of joy.
Then the news strikes that my Daughter has a severe bleeding problem and is being registered a Hemophiliac. Yet I don't know all the details as of yet because I need to see the consultant at the hospital and her earlier appointment was in June, so I have over a month to wait to get all the details, but the consultant did inform me I will need to be tested to see if I hold the Gene and if I do my unborn baby will need to be tested a few months after birth.
I am literally at the point of wondering, how can things possibly get any worse? But that's the point they can. Because for some reason I got dealt a rubbish hand in life. The joke is this isn't even half of it, but no one has time to read the problems I have had with health throughout my life, or the problems my daughter has had in the past.
I just want to know when will things begin to get better? How can I fix my family before it's too late. I want my relationship back the way it was, but why won't I allow it? It's clearly me that's stopping that from happening, because my partner tries all the time to ensure things are okay between us.
It's just a shame that there isn't a remote that can control all of this, or a repair man that can repair all of this. Wishful thinking eh!
So where did it all begin to go wrong? Was it when we moved away from our family? No I don't think so, because we was really good. Yes I miss our family and friends, but we did what was best for us as a family. Our daughter is settled in school, my partner has a full time job that he actually likes and we've been able to extend our family, with this little bundle of joy in my tummy.
Maybe it was when we lost Squiggly. <3 That was what we called our little angel. Since we never knew the gender as I lost Squiggly when I was 6 weeks 5 days pregnant. Another Journal entry explains all this. See this right here caused problems, why couldn't I... NO.. Why won't I allow myself to grieve? Why is it so hard for me to let go of this heartache? Why am I letting this tear my relationship apart? Surely losing our baby should of brought us closer together? Now the problem I have it I'm 15 weeks pregnant again, so I feel like I absolutely cannot grieve because of the stress to this little bundle of joy.
Then the news strikes that my Daughter has a severe bleeding problem and is being registered a Hemophiliac. Yet I don't know all the details as of yet because I need to see the consultant at the hospital and her earlier appointment was in June, so I have over a month to wait to get all the details, but the consultant did inform me I will need to be tested to see if I hold the Gene and if I do my unborn baby will need to be tested a few months after birth.
I am literally at the point of wondering, how can things possibly get any worse? But that's the point they can. Because for some reason I got dealt a rubbish hand in life. The joke is this isn't even half of it, but no one has time to read the problems I have had with health throughout my life, or the problems my daughter has had in the past.
I just want to know when will things begin to get better? How can I fix my family before it's too late. I want my relationship back the way it was, but why won't I allow it? It's clearly me that's stopping that from happening, because my partner tries all the time to ensure things are okay between us.
It's just a shame that there isn't a remote that can control all of this, or a repair man that can repair all of this. Wishful thinking eh!
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