what freedom?

So often nowadays I find myself slipping into a fantasy where I am truly living life stress-free. Unfortunately the only scenario that would make this fantasy come into fruition is if I won the lottery. I know it's common for people to imagine what they would do if they won the lottery, but for me it's a constant obsession. I use it as a therapeutic method to detach my mind from this awful reality and into a world where I can truly live out my dreams and become the me I always wanted to be. I can almost see a reflection of myself in that world, looking exactly how I want to look and not being a physical and emotional prisoner. In this reality, I am constantly angry, depressed, and stressed out. In that world, I'm curious, creative, bold, and exciting. In this world I hate my life and wish I was dead. In that world, I enjoy life and am always looking forward to the next adventure. I'm not saying that I need a ton of money to be happy. I know quite well that money doesn't bring happiness; I learned that from watching my parents obsess about getting more money despite the fact that they have more than I will ever make in my lifetime. The horrible truth about my autism is that not only does it prevent me from having friends and relationships, it also makes working any job incredibly stressful to the point where I end up quitting. I've had jobs cause me physical health problems (due to stress) which would otherwise be incredibly simple for anyone else to get by on. Whether it's school or work, I feel I will never truly be free in my life. While others can ignore the fact that they are wage slaves or blanket that fact in their feelings of love for their companions and friends, the true reality of this life stares at me in the face everyday with a gaze so intense that I can't help but look away in disgust. Hence the constant fantasy scenarios.