What exactly is "NORMAL" ?

So, I've been home all day, called in sick (that's a whole 'nother story) to work.  Been thinking of  "South of Town" all day.   South of Town is code word that  mom and I use for the casino.   I've had this $100 bill since July 3rd and it just feels like it is burning a hole in my pocket.  I wanna go, I wanna go.  But yet, I dont.  I havent been because I know that I cant smoke and it just wouldnt be fun for me.  So.........  I've been moping around the house, kinda lost, wondering.... "What do normal people do?"  Hmm, yea, then I started thinking --- what is normal?  Because I definately aint normal.  To me, I guess I would define normal as being someone who doesnt gamble, someone who spends their money wisely, someone that is satisfied with staying home alone and doing nothing, someone that can find joy and excitement from doing simple things at home.  I wanna be normal, dang it!!!!  I think. Normal people dont get addicted to things like gambling, smoking, drinking or drugs.  Normal people have a savings account.  Normal people think about normal things, not about when they can sneak off to the casino, where they could get another $100 to gamble.  For normal people, money has value, real value, to them.  I'm not normal.  Money means nothing to me.  Surely if money meant something to me, then I wouldnt have pissed away thousands upon thousands like I have in the last 10 years.  If money meant something to me, then I wouldnt be in such deep CC debt.  A normal person would take this $100 and spend it on groceries for their family, or they would put in the offering bowl at church or they would buy something for their home with it.  I'm not normal, I want to give my $100 away.  Yes, give it away for a few hours entertainment.  But at this point, is it really entertainment or is it commitment?  Have I committed myself to the wrong God?  I think I have.  Normal people wouldnt do that.  I wanna be normal, DANG IT!!!!  It's 107 degree's outside (I swear thats what this computer says)....  No wonder I dont want to mow the yard. Well, its 10:30 and I made it through the day/night without gambling or smoking --Yea for me.  Didnt have a patch on today either----you guessed it, I ate half the groceries in the house.  Wear patch tomorrow, definately wear patch tomorrow.  Just got another months worth of patches in the mail today.  I had Kasey call the quit now hotline and they sent 28 patches to her -- their mine now.  They would only give me 14 but they gave her 28, must be the income variable.  Anyway, I have plenty of patches.  I feel myself --letting myself-- get addicted to these patches.  Does that make sense?   Anyway, what I was trying to say before I started rambling ---- This is how warped my concept of money is.  Went to walmart to get more patches.  $24 for 7.  I was like, whoa, I'm not spending 24 bucks for a weeks worth of patches (same cost as ciggy's for a week).   But.... I bet I would plop that money down in a heartbeat at the casino, and never think twice about it.  So thats why Kasey got the patches for me, because I am so messed up in the head about money that I could not justify spending 24 dollars for something that was actually going to enhance my life, not hinder it.  This is how I justified Kasey calling the hotline for me---- I bought her $30 worth of stuff @ Wal-Mart in exchange for her making the call.  How pathetic is that?