What does it mean?

Friday was just another Friday. Got up made the coffee, started up the computer, checked my email, read DS and then checked my checking account to verify I received my spousal support of $415.39...it was not there. I sent an email to X with attachment showing email I sent to credit union asking when a deposit is made for Friday,when would it show up as a deposit? Their response "1am Friday if the money is in the account being transferred from". I advised X that since there was no deposit I would have to go to Court and file contempt of court papers on him. But to give him one more chance he could leave a check at his next door neighbors(Dorothy)and I would pick it up at 10am and take it to bank and deposit it. Then I took a shower, got dressed and went immediately to Dorothy's got there at 10:10am(X doesn't leave the house until at least 9am to go to work)No check. Took Dorothy grocery shopping for her and Mabel and of course me. Went to Wal-Mart, Food4Less, Von's and Henry's. Went to McDonald's so Dorothy could have her weekly fix of "sweet tea". Then delivered groceries and put them away at Mabel's,  Dorothy's and then my house. At 4:30pm Dorothy and I went to the Friday "All you can Eat Fish Fry" at Jimmy's restaurant. We don't get "All you can Eat" we get the plate. Fish was fantastic, service stunk! Got back to Dorothy's sat around to watch a baseball game that wasn't going to come on that night!LOL! Then decided it was time to leave and decided I should check my cell phone as I had never heard it ring all day. Damn, it had turned it self off! I am starting to have a lot of trouble with this phone! No missed calls. Then a couple of minutes later, it does the text message ring! Its my daughter....says she has re thought last weeks fiasco and could we try again for lunch or dinner? I discussed with Dorothy how I should handle answering her, but phone went dead again. So I came home and plugged in cell phone to charge it. I answered her text with a Google chat, (she has a smart phone)got no response, it was 8:20pm. I did not remember her wording correctly and mistakenly thought she was asking to come for lunch or dinner today. I offered to have her come over for dinner and I would make hamburgers or hot dogs. I kissed up to her good, saying how much I loved having her text me, and re-thinking the way things went last week. No response. She won't answer her phone if I call. I sent her and email advising that I was sorry I didn't answer her text sooner, explained what happened and said I was sorry I didn't read text correctly but could we get together next week any day but Thursday? No response. It is now 11:15am Saturday. No response. Was that just my daughter yanking my chain? Prefer not to think that way, rather that she is now mad at me because I didn't respond sooner to her text. Either way I have lost out again.
I was just starting to really work hard at forgetting my kids period. They are getting ready to go back to school so they are busy. I am getting ready to go back to school so I should be busy. As this month goes on I WILL by busy. Between working my new side job, doing laundry, and helping out Dorothy with company she has coming from S. Carolina, picking her up at airport and driving her to her hotel in Los Angeles! It sounded like a lot of fun, when I agreed to this a month ago when there was not even proof I would go to school let alone have another side job. Now I am feeling a little bit harried. But I still thought it was good because I would be so busy I wouldn't have time(maybe) to miss my kids and think about how much I love them. Now she wants (maybe) to be friendly again? Dorothy thinks she just wants me to spend money on her taking her to dinner, that's why the offer to eat a meal I cook. I already have the food, granted it might have lasted me longer if it was just me eating, but I can really do things up nice if she will come. She won't appreciate that I can't afford to go to dinner when I don't get my support money on time and so have to make a dinner at home from scratch, but that is her problem not mine. She won't appreciate how hard it is for me to cook a normal dinner while "camping". But again her loss not mine.
What is bothering me the most, is how I am reacting to all of this. I can separate myself for a moment and see this as a situation that good can come out of, but it could also be a real disaster. I need not to blame myself, but rather to do my best and if my best is not good enough, oh well. As fast as those thoughts go through my head, I feel so sad the tears just start streaming, I miss my daughter so much. I don't want to be at odds with her. I don't want to be cut out of her life all the time. Pain, pain, pain. I start to panic and want to grab every chance to contact her. But that is not good. I answered her text now it is up to her to accept it and then answer or not answer. If she wants to file it away in her mind as another example of how terrible her mother really is that again is her problem! But why can't I just ignore all this? Why does it bother me so much? Maybe I am depressed and don't know it. Maybe there is something wrong with me?...No I won't continue to think this way. I am a good person, I like people, people like me, I do the best job I can and I do a good job. That is all that is important.
Hopefully this is the end of this situation. I love reading about all the people I have met here on DS moving on and doing so well. I will miss everyone so much when they all leave. I hope they will check back once in a Blue Moon and let those of us that are still here know how well they are doing. For me, it is very inspirational. It gives me more hope that there is an end to this tunnel! Lately I have been having some new "friends" offers. I accept them, but some are very depressing. They are just starting out on the journey and don't really have as much in common. I think it is because they are a lot younger. I just hope I can give them hope.

Replies

trisha9054
trisha9054

You handled that text from your daughter very well. She will have to accept the fact that you can\'t always take her out to eat. I would love for somone to cook me a meal.

Before you might have called or text back and said you would take her out. This shows strength that she has to accept what you can do. That you aren\'t going to bribe her and that you still love her and want her in your life but on your terms. That it can\'t always be her way. At least that is what I take from your journal.

I hope you received your money and I think staying busy is good for you. Hang in there and I still think eventually your daughter will get it.
1Patriciann
1Patriciann

When stressed we NEED life to go well so we can find balance.

Gentle ((hugs)) Patricia
deleted_user
deleted_user

Maybe daughter got busy and that\'s why she didn\'t answer. My Son called today, twice. I didn\'t know until I was done at water park. I called him just 20 min after her called the second time, but he didn\'t answer. It just happens sometimes. I wish I had a majic word to make the pain go away. I think the kids will come around one day.
I hope your X puts that money in. He is just trying to goat you no doubt. The restraining order is over, he\'s trying to get you to go to the house?So he can say your threatned him and start the whole thing over? Don\'t go. I would not say anything more to him. I would just file the papers. I wouldn\'t say anything in the future iether. He doesn\'t need to be warned. He knows what he is doing.
cwalla
cwalla

I hope you have connected with your daughter by now. Also, congratulations on signing up for school - that is great! Don\'t get me started on who does and who doesn\'t get help from our government - my daughter (married and one child) is in her fifth year of teaching 2nd grade, with $40,000 worth of student loans she is paying back. A friend of hers, however, single mom, never been married, is going for free!!! There is something wrong with this picture!! It is insane! I do hope things are better for you - I wonder if you keep a journal - someday you will look back and say \"what the h---\"?!! Til then, hang in there. I am still looking for job, finally coming out of the worst of this divorce (I hope). It has been the hardest 2 years of my life - yes, 2 years! It\'s about time, don\'t you think? Take care.... ((HUGS to you))