what does it matter?
I cannot believe that I've been on this site for 4 years now! I found out about this on-line group from a support group for parents of children with ADD I attended in our area. T-Man had been diagnosed about a year before my husband and I started attending this group. I had T tested because it was actually J's mental health counselor who suggested it. At that time the counselor hadn't even met J (middle son with depression, yet, but had asked me about my other children. Long story short ~ we had him tested because he was struggling and very scattered about keeping his school papers and such together. Little did we know that drugs were exaggerating his symptoms! We did know, however, that something was amiss but we thought it was entirely the adolescent hormones and more responsibilities that were making life more difficult for him.
Recently, I just reread some of my entries about T and my confusion as to what was going on with him and wow - very interesting. Interesting to read my roller coaster responses to T regarding his usage and behavior ~ trying to figure out if he was addicted or not. People might call that denial (I believe to some degree it was) but I believe it was because I didn't really understand what addiction was. In truth ~ it really doesn't matter. If he's using ~ he's using ~ and that in itself is enough. I cannot control it.
These days I've been a lot better about trying to control my husband, too, and his responses to T (enabler). I give in more and let things happen. I need my serenity. Even after the "light bulb" went off for my husband, when I told my him that when he gives our son a big wad of cash (money for "clothes"), it is like giving candy to a baby, he seemed to have "gotten it" but not really. Recently he gave T another lump sum from a job T earned back last summer (T worked for husband's friend and just received the $). So what does T do? Friday night he left to attend a concert/weekend campsite ~ otherwise known as a drug fest. Money gone but worse ~ not spent on "stuff". And despite knowing where he was headed ~ I was railroaded into giving him more money. Just didn't want to fight it. I figured if T is going to use ~ he can do that anywhere and when he gets the job he says he's going to ~ I cannot control his paycheck either. Letting go but it still isn't easy sometimes......
Recently, I just reread some of my entries about T and my confusion as to what was going on with him and wow - very interesting. Interesting to read my roller coaster responses to T regarding his usage and behavior ~ trying to figure out if he was addicted or not. People might call that denial (I believe to some degree it was) but I believe it was because I didn't really understand what addiction was. In truth ~ it really doesn't matter. If he's using ~ he's using ~ and that in itself is enough. I cannot control it.
These days I've been a lot better about trying to control my husband, too, and his responses to T (enabler). I give in more and let things happen. I need my serenity. Even after the "light bulb" went off for my husband, when I told my him that when he gives our son a big wad of cash (money for "clothes"), it is like giving candy to a baby, he seemed to have "gotten it" but not really. Recently he gave T another lump sum from a job T earned back last summer (T worked for husband's friend and just received the $). So what does T do? Friday night he left to attend a concert/weekend campsite ~ otherwise known as a drug fest. Money gone but worse ~ not spent on "stuff". And despite knowing where he was headed ~ I was railroaded into giving him more money. Just didn't want to fight it. I figured if T is going to use ~ he can do that anywhere and when he gets the job he says he's going to ~ I cannot control his paycheck either. Letting go but it still isn't easy sometimes......
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