What do I do?

What does one do when the door is closed? Jesus said, "I stand at the door and knock" but is that what we're supposed to do too? 
He's got control issues. I know that. He wants to flex his control over himself and everyone else. I'd like to give him more leash, but I don't trust what he'll do with it. I feel emotionally battered, surf onto sand. Nothing like 6 months ago, that was a hurricane, but still. 
I guess I've been hoping to see more improvement by now. I can live with him hating me, it isn't supposed to be about me. But then again, "Don't call me. Don't pick me up. Don't love me. Just forget that I exist." I am left wondering if, in some weird twisted way he is afraid to hurt me or afraid of rejection, so he's saying this to break things off. He obviously feels bad when I spend precious money on him. But then again, maybe my efforts are just more strain on his desire to be independent? I don't know anymore. I don't know what to do next.