What do I do?
I met up with elderly friend of my mother's yesterday. Mum has passed but Ann and I have been friends for a long time. She is 86 and outgoing and capable but still 86.
After we'd had coffees and visited a Japanese Art exhibition it was time to catch our buses. She thought her bus went from here-but I looked on the timetable and it didn't-then she thought it might go from across the road but she was just standing there.
I should have been more helpful but I suddenly couldnt take it and I said sorry but I had to catch my bus, and left her to it.
When I got home I felt really bad and sent her an email cos I have trouble with phones. Then I sent her another one about finding a book in the library about what we were talking about.
But-------no reply.
Either she hasnt got it, or didnt think worth fussing about, or highly pissed off with me.....
I would be-but i have apologised so surely its too trivial to really hold a grudge about? Sort of I was annoyed and dont you ever do that again.....but Ill let you off with a caution this time.....
Any ideas how I should proceed from here?
After we'd had coffees and visited a Japanese Art exhibition it was time to catch our buses. She thought her bus went from here-but I looked on the timetable and it didn't-then she thought it might go from across the road but she was just standing there.
I should have been more helpful but I suddenly couldnt take it and I said sorry but I had to catch my bus, and left her to it.
When I got home I felt really bad and sent her an email cos I have trouble with phones. Then I sent her another one about finding a book in the library about what we were talking about.
But-------no reply.
Either she hasnt got it, or didnt think worth fussing about, or highly pissed off with me.....
I would be-but i have apologised so surely its too trivial to really hold a grudge about? Sort of I was annoyed and dont you ever do that again.....but Ill let you off with a caution this time.....
Any ideas how I should proceed from here?
Replies
YES .... you forgive yourself... and understand where you are with the reality of being in a spot that you didn\'t like to be in... use it as a learning tool for the next time something similar comes along...
dont worry about it... its a choice you made... you have to live with it now... accept it... try not to over analyze it ... its the past ... move on to the present...
oh well better choice next time... live and learn... this doesn\'t make you a bad person... recognize you had a moment of fear... and you acted on it... the fear had a reason for being there...
Thank you Caz- It was fear and I dont know why, quite.
I havent heard back from her, maybe she wanted an excuse to end the friendship, and that\'s OK too.
Moving on!
Thanks again.
Hi Dinah, hugs my friend. :) i am sure your friend is ok, and that she will get back to you very soon. :) You are very nice friend, and kind, caring, and supportive. :) Your friend may have not gotten a chance yet, to view her emails. i am sure she will get back to you very soon. :) wishing you lots of comforting peace, and hope you are having a much more peaceful weekend. :) please keep us updated when you can. :) always here for you :)
Thanks Chris my friend-I hope you are right. I tend to worry too much.
I really appreciate you dropping in to say Its OK
You are sweet.
xxxxx
that is a tough one aunt dinah. you did what you thought was the right thing to do at the time. dont beat your self up over it. what else can you do? give her time.she may come around .good luck.
Well it was the right thing for me-I seem to be overloaded with needy people at the moment. I still feel bad, but if she wants to lose a 40 year friendship over this-well- it wasn\'t a hanging offense really.
Thanks for your support my friend!
Still havent heard from her-do you think I should send another email to apologise again or check she got my last 2 (!) or just leave it. Maybe its time to just wait till she calls me-? It may never happen. That\'s OK if she wants to put me behind her? maybe thats the idea?
Well, this is a hard one. You said \"suddenly I couldn\'t take it.\" Was it because of anxiety, impatience, just too much time with the lady?
I guess it doesn\'t matter why you left her. The bottom line is that it hurt her feelings.
Maybe it would be better to try more than two emails? As you said, it is a 40 year friendship. I think she\'s still hurt and a couple of emails haven\'t helped her feel better yet. It would be unfortunate for either one of you to let go of such a long friendship.
Maybe you could send a pretty card through the mail. It may seem more personal than an email. Older people seem to like regular mail over email. Maybe you could include the following question in the card: \"What can I do to make it right?\"
If my feelings are hurt there is another thing that helps. When the other person shows me that they understand why I\'m hurt. For example, you might say,
\"I understand that you may have felt abandoned at the bus stop. I regret making you feel that way. What can I do to make it right?\"
This is an admission of wrongdoing, but sometimes it is better to take the blame even though you don\'t feel you were wrong. Sometimes a friendship is worth more than \"being right.\"
I hope that helps. You\'re a lovely lady! I can\'t imagine that your friend will stay upset with you.
Love U, Julia
Thank you Julia-this is excellent advice as always. You should set up as a Dear abby!
Thank you!
Love you back!
dinah xxxx
Bugger it! I have changed my mind-I apologised and she ignored me. I always contact her-she can contact me next time. ......and if not-sometimes life is about letting go.
Maybe she wanted a reason to cut the ties so she can get on with her own life.
She knows I have mental issues- and anxiety is part of it. sometimes i need support and understanding.
Cant be perfect all the time
:O)
Hee hee Dinah. Dear Abby. Funny story:
Way back when I read an item in her column. It was from a 16 year old. She wrote:
My boyfriend and I were making out. My question is: Can you get pregnant through your jeans?
well can you? they are wriggly little things!!!!!!!