What do I need?
After getting away from the computer last night around midnight, I fell in the kitchen - twice. Got myself to the couch. Had a panic attack and flashbacks.
I know I need help. But I don't know what kind. My therapist and I have come to a standstill so she really things a intensive outpatient program is the thing. I'm also looking around for a therapist who recognizes that our identity in Christ is the key. My current one doesn't really see it that way strongly. Anyway, I've called 2 new counselors to try, and am waiting for one to call back and the other to return from vacation next week.
I was so close to going 3 days without a panic attack - and my friend today said "Well last night it was after midnight, right? You made it three days." I guess. I dont' know whether to count it or not.
I was lazy and didn't exercise or go to church today. I did get to Walmart and spent $140 on I dont' know what. I'm hoping it was mostly food. I didn't even buy clothes this time!
I haven't been eating enough calories, I know. I don't eat as much when I'm upset. But, I had also run out of smart ones so meals were harder to put together. I hopefully will get back up to 1500 over the next few days. I've decided to weigh in on Tuesdays, so tomorrow I will. (The date probably says it's Tuesday already but it's just after midnight.)
Still no cuts, but still tempted. And I had another panic attack when waking from my nap today. *sigh*
PS Check out more paintings in my photos. :)
I know I need help. But I don't know what kind. My therapist and I have come to a standstill so she really things a intensive outpatient program is the thing. I'm also looking around for a therapist who recognizes that our identity in Christ is the key. My current one doesn't really see it that way strongly. Anyway, I've called 2 new counselors to try, and am waiting for one to call back and the other to return from vacation next week.
I was so close to going 3 days without a panic attack - and my friend today said "Well last night it was after midnight, right? You made it three days." I guess. I dont' know whether to count it or not.
I was lazy and didn't exercise or go to church today. I did get to Walmart and spent $140 on I dont' know what. I'm hoping it was mostly food. I didn't even buy clothes this time!
I haven't been eating enough calories, I know. I don't eat as much when I'm upset. But, I had also run out of smart ones so meals were harder to put together. I hopefully will get back up to 1500 over the next few days. I've decided to weigh in on Tuesdays, so tomorrow I will. (The date probably says it's Tuesday already but it's just after midnight.)
Still no cuts, but still tempted. And I had another panic attack when waking from my nap today. *sigh*
PS Check out more paintings in my photos. :)
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