What do I do?
Those who read my first journal (maybe 2 of you) know my situation and that I had prostate cancer. Because nerves were cut, my two best options are the pump with bands or injections to get an erection. I saw my urologist on Tuesday, 2/12. After my prelim with a nurse, the nurse practitioner comes in to ask me how things are going since my surgery 18 months ago. I told her everything and she then asks if I get erections. I said, "no". She asked if I want to get them. I said "I'm not sure anf proceedes to explain what is entailed. She gave me a sheet with drawings and the description and told me if I decide to do it she will show me how to do it. She leave and a few minutes later, the doctor comes in. We talk about things and he also asks if I get erections. I tell him "no" and he asked if I want to get them. He goes through the same thing the nurse practitioner says. I finally tell him I probably wouldn't do it because my wife could care less about sex. He looked surprised and said, "Oh". If you change your mind, let me know and we'll set it up.
When I got home, my wife asked how it went. I said, "fine". Did you talk about things? I said, yes. Like what? Just some things. Don't worry about it. I'm fine.
I put the sheet explaining penile injections on the kitchen table in hopes she sees it and asks me questions. I don't want to hear the, "you know we're on the opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to sex" again. It hurt and I don't know if I should bring it up again, hope she see's the paper and asks about it or just forget about it. It never seems to come out the way I'd like it to. It's no wonder I have a headache all the time and feel like crap.
Replies
I am thinking maybe here is an opportunity for you to speak up and mention what they discussed. Forgive me here, but I am thinking you are so used to the old responses you just expect them and project this negative thinking (I am realizing that I have so much resentment and anger built up , I do project the negative responses too. I gave up talking , partly because of this and partly because if he does not like what I say, he will not listen. and try to silence me)
If it were me, I think I would mention that they asked you about the pump and wanted to explain it all to you if you were interested. Maybe tell her it was hard for you because you had to admit you had not much use for it . If it is something you would like to try, I would mention that you were thinking abut trying it. MAYBE she will have a change of heart (especially after the love song comment)... may realize it is very final to say you never want to have any affection ever again. I will cross my fingers and say some prayers.
Hugs, Kim
Thank you for your response Kim. You always seem to say the right things. Their first questions referred to getting erections naturally, which is impossible in my case. I wasn’t clear in what was discussed. When they asked if I wanted to get an errection They both were referring to penile injections. I already have the pump, and my wife doesn’t seem interested. The injections would work much better, but she wasn’t interested when I brought it up 6-8 months ago.
I guess my attitude is if she wants affection, she’ll bring it up. It’s probably the wrong attitude to have, but she has a way of making me feel guilty. I guess I’m becoming a wimp! :(
Hugs, Bruce
No, not a wimp, just tired of the sos (same old shit... pardon my mouth). I am the same way. it just seems to me, maybe she is realizing ( by how unhappy you both are) it might be nice to take an interest? Of course I am not the best to ask as my circumstances are just as bad.
Hugs