What Did You Do For Easter

I was writing to my friend Katmac and decided I'd like to use the bulk of the letter for my journal today...  I am hoping maybe we'll start writing maybe opening new lines of communication but maybe not every day as we did when we first came in so much desperate pain reaching out...  I still want to keep my friends so I'm going to try this... I will be back on later to look to see how yall are doing... Richard wants the computer for a bit... Hi, I have been working outside a bit... Even with a bit of a nip in the air it is pleasant... Doing some laundry this morning and will be outside later this afternoon...   Richard barbqued some chicken yesterday and I made some sugar free jello...  just a little treat for us since it was Easter... No family around...  Cara was the one who made the effort to get the family to me...  I never realized how much she did that way... She brought the kids to see me often...  I was working so much and didn't get down there as often as I should have...  That last year I went a lot but it was mostly to be with mama as she was in a bad way for several months and to try to get Cara help...  I chased up and down the road... but there were few famly get togethers...   Ben's grandmother, Ms Merci is passing...  In case you don't remember Ben is my son in law Cara's husband...  Ms Merci has been nearly comatose and is expected to pass at any moment... They have been by her bedside most of the week...  I have talked to Ben's sister Jamie several times...  Jamie is for her family what Cara was for ours... Just a thought I wanted to share... Ms Merci is such a character... She would tell someone without any apology if they made her mad... "Eat shit and die!"  Now I'm sure that's a terrible thing to say... but to me it expresses pretty good how pissed off a person can get... and I laughed the first time I heard her say that in her rough gravely voice...  So I have adopted that as my own expression....  Not mad at anyone so guess I'll have to keep it on ice for the moment... *Smile*  <><>This old lady had grit...  Had a garden every year where she grew huge cucumbers... and all kinds of stuff... and she was in her 70s....  By the way... she may send me a nasty note from heaven... "old lady"  Hmph!   She had more guts at 70 than many folks have at 20....   I <>remember the cukes in particular because there was a write up in the paper about 10 years ago and they had a picture of my grandson T'Ben and his cousin Little Jeff...  T'Ben was sitting in the wagon... a standard sized wagon holding up a cucumber almost as long as he was tall... I think he was probably close to 3' tall then....  <> Oh wow... thinking of those two boys back then... and now T'Ben is 13 and Little Jeff is no longer Little at 16.....  don't know whether to laugh or to cry... Its kind of beautiful in a way to think of them together then and now...<> I miss Cara, I always will...  always grateful for memories.  She is still ringing my phone that little half ding most nights... she was a bit early last night...  almost right at 10pm... most often she's a bit after... One night it was almost 10:30pm....  a few nights back about 10:20pm... I fussed her a bit and I felt almost amused because it was like she was in my head saying.... mama you should be glad I'm calling at all... I am a full grown woman now...   Anyway as these thoughts were passing through my mind last night  it got me thinking  about you...  wondering how it must be all these years later for you to still see Timmy as the young child...  Sure we wonder how it might have been...  but as it is we see them pretty much as we ever saw them I think... In my case I have many more years for my memories to bring Cara to me at various ages and stages...  but I don't see Cara getting older... and honestly... since we couldn't have the comfort and pleasure of her company I don't want her to get old...     I will be hoping to read some newsy letters when you can.  Hugs Elissa