What comes next?
well here is is the new year and she hasn't given me an answer or her choice. I guess we are waiting to see if we get any tax money back. I don't know what I am doing anymore. I am doing this to myself. I might as well be the one taking the knife and cutting my own heart out. I know she has PA in her sights and I want to say just leave but then my heart holds tighter, like a child holding on to a toy. then what do I do with my daughter, ? I have a 7 day business meeting coming up next week, and then I am not ready to start being daddy and mommy at the drop of a hat with no preparation. I am going to have to call the school tomorrow and ask them if I can enroll her quickly if i have to take her out of the pre-k she is in at home.
I just hope she doesnt take off while i am gone. that would suck.. dejavu from last year.
I just hope she doesnt take off while i am gone. that would suck.. dejavu from last year.
Replies
I am sorry your rollercoaster goes on and on. I do understand totally how you feel. I know mine isn\'t over yet by any means, but I do feel it is getting calmer. I know what my gut tells me. Nothing will ever change. Get away from him. That is only way to find happiness. I think like me, you need to take a deep look into yourself. She definitely has some mental issues IMO. Why the hell a mother would go back to the man that molested her child is beyond me. But that is not the issue here. The issue here is the same one I have. She is your addiction just like my ex is mine. I am working really hard to get over my addiction.
As hard as it is, you do need to start making some type of plans with your daughter. You cannot be in limbo not knowing if your wife is going to be in TX or haul up to PA. Sooner or later, you are going to find your anger. I know it is inside of you. Just like mine is. I am trying to use my anger to move me forward in life, not to keep reflecting on what he has done. I don\'t want to become a bitter person. I just want to learn loud and clear the lesson that my ex will never change. Sending you hugs and support.
Hey Lost, for what it\'s worth, my epiphany came when the wife had to go back east for ten weeks to care for her ailing mother. Those were the happiest, most blissful weeks of my life since our honeymoon in \'95. I caught a reflection of myself as I was dancing around a simmering pot of gumbo one day and realized that I wanted my son to get to know that guy. I saw a lawyer the next day and filed three days after the wife came back. She said she wanted to be amicable about it which, to no one\'s surprise, became another lie.
The proceedings have been ongoing and uuuuugleee, (she and her half sister went to the cops and accused me of molesting the boy - thankfully they weren\'t real credible) but after we sold the house and I went to live on my own, none of her crap ever touched me emotionally again. It was like her spell was broken, and she\'s the one left alone and angry.
I\'ll warn you that you\'ll have to maybe think about a career that keeps you home so you could be a full time dad. Maybe you have a friend or relative that could provide childcare when you do have to be away. Swallow your pride and start asking for help. Get a referral for a good divorce attorney in your area. If you don\'t know anyone who could do that, then hit the yellow pages and start calling. Some offer free consultations, but don\'t discount the ones that may charge $100-$200. If you feel comfortable talking with them on the phone, then it might be worth making the appointment.
Let this be a Christmas gift to yourself this year, friend. I could have written your last two journal entries. Heck, feel free to go and check - maybe I did...