What can my reaction be?
Well here is Sunday after Thanksgiving and what is going on in my mind? The DS group i want to applaud you for your support in this when i am so down.
The last couple days have just sorta came and went without me really thinking long about stuff. Last night was a hard one because of all the dreams that invaded my sleep. She was at every turn. In some ways, in this divorce, even though right now it seems as though I have the upper hand at things because I am trying to do everything by the book, in my head and emotions she is winning.
Yesterday evening I got a text from her, it was an odd one that wasnt like what she has been doing. Usually lately her texts are only for my daughter but this one was addressed to me and my daughter and just said its snowing here, just wanted to let you know that.
What in the world was all that about? Is she just trying to lure me in to beat me up more? is she feeling a little depressed because we arent with her? '
I wanted to text back this morning a couple things like, why are you texting me?
or maybe one word Thanks
maybe not answer at all.
or say we are thinking of you too.
I dont know but the gamut of emotions with this dumb text has made me curious.
The last couple days have just sorta came and went without me really thinking long about stuff. Last night was a hard one because of all the dreams that invaded my sleep. She was at every turn. In some ways, in this divorce, even though right now it seems as though I have the upper hand at things because I am trying to do everything by the book, in my head and emotions she is winning.
Yesterday evening I got a text from her, it was an odd one that wasnt like what she has been doing. Usually lately her texts are only for my daughter but this one was addressed to me and my daughter and just said its snowing here, just wanted to let you know that.
What in the world was all that about? Is she just trying to lure me in to beat me up more? is she feeling a little depressed because we arent with her? '
I wanted to text back this morning a couple things like, why are you texting me?
or maybe one word Thanks
maybe not answer at all.
or say we are thinking of you too.
I dont know but the gamut of emotions with this dumb text has made me curious.
Replies
Over on the Divorce After 20+ Years group, we have a mantra to get through these times -- that is NO CONTACT. No Contact gives you the time and space you need to sort out your feelings without being manipulated into having contact that is only going to cause you more pain and anguish. NO CONTACT means exactly what it sounds like -- NO CONTACT. Not in person, not on the telephone, my email or texting. Only YOU can put an end to this emotional torture -- and that, my friend, begins when you STOP PLAYING THE GAME. When you stop playing, the game will be OVER!
I hope you that in the end you didn\'t text back. CowgirlKathi is preaching the same gospel I have been. No Contact.
Delete the text. Don\'t look at it any longer, don\'t spend another moment wondering why she put your name on it.
You are on the first tentative steps on this new road. Playing into her games will just hold you back.
I agree. You know that I do. Definitely recommend deleting the text. Otherwise, you just go back and re-read over and over.
I agree with the others--no contact is the way to go. Texts like these leave you guessing, which keeps her in your mind. Just delete it.
Many times this is a game about control--they want to know they still have control over you. As Cowgirl Kathi says, when you don\'t engage in the game, game over.
Sending hugs! I know how confusing these messages can be. Go dark on her.
My ex would do this. Call me from Texas and want to know where something in Wal Mart could be found. I was in SC. It was okay at first because I knew what he was doing but I finally had to try to go no contact.
We are still tied to this farm I live on so there is some contact. Mostly in court now and I think he is finally getting my message to leave me alone.
No contact is definitely better and the sooner you can do this the sooner you will start to heal.
yes..delete it... you know on some level she knows she is a bonehead. Even the worst of the worst have moments where they realized just how much of an idiot they are. Here is the thing though.. You deserve bettter, your daughter deserves better. Your wife has made self destructive choices. She will reap what she sews. There is just no way around that. However, you and your daughter do not have to pay the price of her being self destructive any longer.
I posted something on infidelity. Change is scary and hard. But it is also inevitable. Very few of us will make a change unless we are forced to do so. We go along and not rock the boat. Even when we know that the change is the right thing to do..we still wont bite the bullet and do it! Well now it was forced on you. You didnt create it but you are forced to deal with it. So deal with it...make them all. Make all of those changes that you have been thinking about for a while but were too afraid to do it or you didnt do it because you didnt want to rock the boat and create havoc in your life. Guess what? Havoc is already here! So do it. Do the things you know you want to do. Go for it!
There is only one person in this situation you can control. That is YOU! Take you back. I would bet that you have let yourself be second for a while. We all do. Thinking that if we just try harder it will all be ok..we can stop the change from coming. If we dont say how we feel...Dont show our anger at what they are doing, or hurt. If we just bury our own feelings then we can hold off change...but we cant... That is the thing. It will happen. One way or another. You tried to hold it off and it has now came anyway! So now is the time to do all of those things you wanted to do. To really explore YOU! Figure out what YOU want...and go for it.
Until we are happy with who WE are, we cant really ever be truly happy. So now get happy with YOU. The rest is going to take care of itself. Life just does.
Now is the time to make new traditions. I know the holidays can be hard. But they can also be a great time to redo your life. Make a new way for yourself. Make new traditions for you and your daughter. This is a magical time of year for her. Put your energy in making it as special and magical as you can and watch the wonder in her eyes. She is actually at a wonderful age for Christmas.
When the mold is broken you make a new one. You make it better, more to how you want it...you see the things about the old one you didnt like and you change them to how you do like them. Find the things you DO like and concentrate on them. THAT is where you put your energy!! Stop letting the negative things take away the energy you can use on the positive things. When you feel the negative things in your mind that is when you get up and do something positive. When I had the bad thoughts and hurt hit, I would go to the store and make something awesome for dinner...I literally would find a great recipe..I mean made it into a huge deal.. I even made bread once!!! lol. It didnt come out all that well to be honest, but it was something I always wanted to try.
Maybe you wanted to try to build something. Refinish a piece of furniture...I know this stuff sounds like it is simplistic..but you just cannot imagine how liberating it can feel to feel the freedom to do it. Especially when you have stifled yourself for so long just to hold off having a change come that you were afraid of. That is how I learned to embrace it. I even colored my hair...again..a simple thing..but something I knew my h wouldnt want me to do but I wanted to try.
Just suggestions for you.. what works for some is different for others... you will find your own recipe for change that works for you. You just have to be open to letting it happen.
I needed to see this thread.There have been several texts lately that I wondered \"why\" about...this info helps...
Delete it!!! I have finally made the decision to tell my husband to leave me alone, I cannot get over him with contact and he is leaving me, his choice. i have no reason to allow him to torture me this way. good luck lostdaddy :) No contact seems to be the best way if you are sure that it\'s over.
Sounds as though she simply wants or needs attention from all. I\'d show her and ignore it.
I\'m going to agree with everyone else here. Ignore it and move on. She wants your attention, but don\'t give it to her.