What are true friendships worth?
I came from a poor childhood. Because of my small size at birth, I was bullied a lot in school. I was teased because my dad was 60 when I was born so, by the time I was a teenager, my dad was 73 years old. This teasing resulted in fights. The fights caused discipline. This caused me to feel double hurt. First for the teasing and then because of the discipline that sometimes came due to the teasing and bullying being ignored by those in authority. There were two things that made me very, very, angry. One was to accuse me of something I did not do and, one was not believing me, when I spoke the truth. I saw these as rejection of me for who I was in life. With these things present, came rebellion and, with rebellion came more trouble. These all stemmed from the lashing out due to my temper.
Through the years, trouble led to drugs and alcohol which in turn led me to Biker Gangs. These led to more trouble but, they also gave me the satisfaction of retaliation when someone hurt me. Retaliation was swift, often times brutal, and decisive. It became a way of life for me of which, I am not proud.
After some very, very hard years. I became a Christian. True friendships became of great value to me. Due to my past, I trusted no-one and suspected everyone. I had built up walls around me so I could "protect myself" from hurt. I never let anyone really close to me. I slowly began to reach out to others, who like me, had built walls, who had this "self-protection" wall that they had built, just as I had.
Now, when people hurt me. I do not retaliate with physical or verbal force as I did years ago. I now withdraw and stay very subdued and quiet. To me, this is my way of"self protection" again. I have found that lashing out with words can be very damaging and I do not wish to hurt anyone, anymore. There is too much hurt in this world today.
I would not purposely say anything or do anything, to hurt anyone. In fact, the past 39 years of my life, I have tried to be an encourager, a friend and a confidant to many people, from all walks of life and, especially to those I have met here on DS these past 4-1/2 years. Many of my "friends" here have deleted me, closed their accounts and, some have hurt me very deeply yet, I still try to reach out to total strangers, to try and help them in life. I have given a lot of thought to the question of this entry. What are true friendships really worth? Is there a difference between just friendships and TRUE friendships. I realize this is a long entry but, it takes in a lot of feelings and times spent by building a friendship. Maybe I look at this from the wrong angle. I don't look necessarily at the length of a friendship but of the quality of a friendship.
Was that "friend" there for you, though the glad times, sad times, scared times, depressed times, dangerous times, and lonely times? Did they offer you compassion, honesty, sincerity, and wise counsel? Did they encourage you when you were ready to give up? Did they try to lift you up when you were down? Did they listen to your ideas and your concerns with a tender heart? Did they try to make you smile through the tears? Where they truly concerned for your well being? Did they offer a prayer or a special vibe for you, when you felt that you could not go on?
These are the things I have tried to do for those that I call "friends". I don't know that I have totally succeeded in accomplishing all of these things mentioned but, I have tried. To me, these things are the Litmus tests of TRUE friendship.
Psychologists have said that one of the greatest desires in life is "acceptance". The opposite of that is of course "rejection". Some deal with this more easily than others. I must admit, I don't. I still struggle with it. When a "friend" questions my sincerity, questions my honesty and, the trust that has been proven through the years, it's like a neon sign flashing REJECTION----REJECTION-----REJECTION!!!!! all over again. When this happens, I immediately withdraw, just like I have had to do through the years. I do not know if this is right but, this is how I deal with it.
If I have offended or hurt anyone here on DS, it was not done intentionally and I deeply apologize. As I said, I would rather withdraw, than I would hurt someone. Those who read this may not make any sense of it at all and, if you don't, it's ok.
Through the years, trouble led to drugs and alcohol which in turn led me to Biker Gangs. These led to more trouble but, they also gave me the satisfaction of retaliation when someone hurt me. Retaliation was swift, often times brutal, and decisive. It became a way of life for me of which, I am not proud.
After some very, very hard years. I became a Christian. True friendships became of great value to me. Due to my past, I trusted no-one and suspected everyone. I had built up walls around me so I could "protect myself" from hurt. I never let anyone really close to me. I slowly began to reach out to others, who like me, had built walls, who had this "self-protection" wall that they had built, just as I had.
Now, when people hurt me. I do not retaliate with physical or verbal force as I did years ago. I now withdraw and stay very subdued and quiet. To me, this is my way of"self protection" again. I have found that lashing out with words can be very damaging and I do not wish to hurt anyone, anymore. There is too much hurt in this world today.
I would not purposely say anything or do anything, to hurt anyone. In fact, the past 39 years of my life, I have tried to be an encourager, a friend and a confidant to many people, from all walks of life and, especially to those I have met here on DS these past 4-1/2 years. Many of my "friends" here have deleted me, closed their accounts and, some have hurt me very deeply yet, I still try to reach out to total strangers, to try and help them in life. I have given a lot of thought to the question of this entry. What are true friendships really worth? Is there a difference between just friendships and TRUE friendships. I realize this is a long entry but, it takes in a lot of feelings and times spent by building a friendship. Maybe I look at this from the wrong angle. I don't look necessarily at the length of a friendship but of the quality of a friendship.
Was that "friend" there for you, though the glad times, sad times, scared times, depressed times, dangerous times, and lonely times? Did they offer you compassion, honesty, sincerity, and wise counsel? Did they encourage you when you were ready to give up? Did they try to lift you up when you were down? Did they listen to your ideas and your concerns with a tender heart? Did they try to make you smile through the tears? Where they truly concerned for your well being? Did they offer a prayer or a special vibe for you, when you felt that you could not go on?
These are the things I have tried to do for those that I call "friends". I don't know that I have totally succeeded in accomplishing all of these things mentioned but, I have tried. To me, these things are the Litmus tests of TRUE friendship.
Psychologists have said that one of the greatest desires in life is "acceptance". The opposite of that is of course "rejection". Some deal with this more easily than others. I must admit, I don't. I still struggle with it. When a "friend" questions my sincerity, questions my honesty and, the trust that has been proven through the years, it's like a neon sign flashing REJECTION----REJECTION-----REJECTION!!!!! all over again. When this happens, I immediately withdraw, just like I have had to do through the years. I do not know if this is right but, this is how I deal with it.
If I have offended or hurt anyone here on DS, it was not done intentionally and I deeply apologize. As I said, I would rather withdraw, than I would hurt someone. Those who read this may not make any sense of it at all and, if you don't, it's ok.
Replies
I don\'t know what has happened peewee but I am deeply grieved if you have been hurt yet again. I am much like you but I fluctuate. I am either hyper sensitive and isolate myself or I am like I am right now which is I really don\'t care what people think of me anymore. I am tired of trying to please everyone b/c its just not possible. I am presently only concerned with pleasing the Lord b/c that\'s the only place I know where I have unconditional love and acceptance. It makes me sad if people misunderstand me but I am learning not to apologize for things that I haven\'t done wrong. I apologize for them being hurt but not if I haven\'t done anything wrong. I am learning that I am only accountable to the Lord for my words and actions and if I have done wrong He will show me and help me to make it right. I lived a life of rejection and low self esteem , I am no longer a people pleaser but am striving to serve the Lord. I am doing this with Him showing that i give love freely and anything else He shows me without ever expecting anything in return. My reward is with Him and He is faithful to give me just what I need. Peewee If I have hurt you in anyway I would hope that you would come to me and tell me. I consider you more than a friend but family. You are my brother in Christ and I take that very seriously. I Love you with so much of God\'s love for a brother that I am always checking up on you and others that I hold dear. I believe that God has brought you into my life as He has my other friends here on DS for a reason. I am honored that you have allowed me to be your friend as well. Peewee , after reading your journal all I could think of was how far away you are. This journal is such a testimony and my son sure could relate to you. My husband and I are 28 years apart in age. When our son was born my husband was fifty. Ryan grew up with an old father too and was teased and missed out on a lot of things b/c of his age and his back. He is still living that life of pain and has not turned back to the Lord yet. I wish I had a printer I would send your journal to him. Your past peewee has made you who you are, a very warm compassionate man of God who understands other peoples suffering and pain and also how to turn a life of ashes into Glory for the Lord. You are a walking miracle and you have allowed the Lord to mold you and shape you so beautifully. I don\'t know if you have ever thought about this peewee, but God warned us that b/c of who we represent we would suffer rejection b/c He was rejected. Many people are falling away from anything to do with God. To find true believers who are willing to press on today are becoming far and few and it breaks my heart. So many distractions that are taking them away from our Lord and they don\'t even see it. Maybe the rejection you are suffering is not you at all but who lives inside you. People who are shame based or are living wrong are uncomfortable with being around the presence of the Lord. It\'s not you peewee, its the times, its them and its expected. The path is narrow because I am beginning to see that not many will be on it. You are on it and that\'s all that matters... sometimes it is lonely for me but that\'s when i look up those friends who I know I have a kinship with. there are times when i feel so totally alone and like nobody will understand and then my precious Lord will surprise me with somebody who understands me. Peewee, I pray that something I said may have helped you and if not please tell me what it is I can do to help. I Love you bro and always will, connie xx
Pee Wee, reading your journal this morning goes along with all the thoughts and questions I have been having since Brandon died. I believe he dealt with his pain and rejection from his wife with the ultimate end...but it was more than that. He was a good child...a loving and sensitive boy...he was my shadow when he was little. He was also bullied by a group of black kids (no, I am not prejudiced) the same ones over the years ..on up until he became very muscular....but the teachers turned a blind eye even at my demands that something be done. I know that with the onset of puberty and all those angry hormones he managed through self-discipline....weight training was his release...football....anything physical. But there were unexplained holes in his bedroom walls...punches, I suspect....from his frustrations and no way to cope. I even had him in counseling after a very hurtful break up with a girl...his first love....and he never trusted again after that...he changed...but he hid many things that are now logged in his prayer journals...begging God to help him not to \"destroy himself.\" He fought suicide ideation back then. There are other things written and drawn....that led me to know that he was battling demons that God would not take away....and now, he is gone and I am left to wonder just how much God loved him...or me...that unconditional love that the Bible says is God\'s no matter what....of course, I know he is in heaven...but as for me...I am still in hell on many days....I look forward to the end of all of this....your words made me think of all my own son had to endure. He was strong on the outside but on the inside he was still a little boy longing for acceptance. TLC...dale, brandon\'s mom
I know exactly what you are saying and I truly truly do understand. I hope you know what your love and friendship mean to me. I know I have made many mistakes and for that I am truly sorry. You are so precious to me.
Hi Pee Wee,
You Have Been My Friend In Good
Times And In Sad Times !
Please, Do Not Leave DS - Please
Love Ya, Barbara
PEEWEE, I AM SO SORRY THAT YOU HAVE BEEN HURT YET AGAIN. I CRIED WHEN I READ THIS BECAUSE YOU ARE SUCH A TRUE FRIEND AND FOR SOMEONE OR SEVERAL PEOPLE TO HURT YOU REALLY HURTS ME DOWN DEEP. YOUR DEFINITION OF WHAT A TRUE FRIEND IS......IS EXACTLY WHAT I THINK A TRUE FRIEND IS. PEEWEE....YOU MY DEAR SWEET BROTHER ARE A TRUE FRIEND. YOU LOVE AND CARE ABOUT ALL OF US SO MUCH. YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HERE FOR ME AND YOU ARE STILL HERE FOR ME. YOU ARE THE MOST LOVING, CARING AND SENSITIVE PERSON. YOU ARE ALWAYS HONEST ABOUT EVERYTHING. MY HEART IS JUST SO BROKEN FOR YOU AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE TRULY A TRUE FRIEND.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BIG BROTHER.....DONT CHANGE A THING ABOUT YOURSELF....GOD HAS MADE YOU SO VERY PERFECT.
LOVE....JULIE