What am I doing here

I used this site threw high school, I used it to get the bad thoughts and ideas out of my head, to branch out and get help from others who have expirianced the same things, felt what I felt. Now as an adult I find myself wondering why I am back on this site, what drove me to look it up again? I still am unsure of that myself. I have so many issues and thoughts that I don't know how to deal with them all in a positive non poisonous way. I am happily married and have three wonderful children, one who got his wings to early, but none the less he is mine. I can't keep going the way I have been lately or I will eventually explode from all the bottles up emotions, the rage and anger, the sadness, the initial hurt cause on me. You would think having my life and the relationships with my husband and children I wouldn't need support or help, I'm a very independent person... On the outside. On the inside I'm freaking out! I go day to day feeling the anxiety, knowing everything that needs to be handled and done are at rest on my shoulders, living where we are only amplifies these dreaded emotions, the events leading up to our living situation only heightens the feeling of falling back down to the dirt. My husband being very sick over and over with out warning makes me feel intense helplessness, my daughter who is 4 doesn't understand what's going on is acting out, and straight up naughty and rude towards me daily because my husband is sick, and it's very overwhelming. Our son is barely 3 months old and teething and i am being pulled back and forth between my husband, our daughter, our son, errands, keeping house for everyone who lives here, making sure food is in the home and meals are made, making appointments and figuring out how to acquire money for bills or gas or necessities when my husband is out of work due to being sick. And in the end, at the end of the day I feel this enormous strain on my whole body, physically and emotionally, tried talking to my husband and it ends up in a argument, hold it all in and it ends up in a stressful self destruct mode, I have a pinched off nerve in my back and constantly feel sick but everyone is counting on me to get everything done and no one realizes it's causing me extreme stress and overwhelming hopelessness.