What about our thoughts?

 Hi, a little background on myself and some words about my thought life. First, I understand there is a therapy that teaches people about thought control or something along those lines. This is new to me but here is the link to the DS info on it. http://www.dailystrength.org/treatments/Dialectical_Behavioral_Therapy I was raised in a family where there was much negative thinking and I am sure undiagnosed Depression, Anxiety and Bi-polar 11 in some family members, also my dad was a rager with a quick temper and very loud which was scary to me as a child. He was physically abusive to my mom but never us kids but I know that I was very intimidated by him. There was an ugly divorce when I was a kid. He calmed down when he got older. I developed that temperament but it didn't get bad until I was 30 for some reason that I do not understand. My daughter, oh my gosh she thought I was always mad at her when she was young but I was stressed, anxious about not enough money for us and blew my stack too often. Sometimes brings tears to my eyes when I think back about my little girl and how she thought she was the problem. In fact every time I think about it like right now my eyes are welling up with tears. I can hear her plain as day with that sweet 4 year old little girl's voice saying, 'mommy, are you mad at me?'. I grabbed her up on my lap and said "no honey I'm never mad at you, I am so sorry I was talking so loud" and just held her while so upset with myself and wanting to cry. I had depression off and on from 13 to just over a year ago. Anytime I have gotten it in the last 4 years it is clearly situational and letting my thoughts go astray. Twice I had severe, major depression and once landed in a Crisis center for 4 days. I found a booklet by Norman Vincent Peale in my late twenties called, How to Survive Tough Times. I was depressed and read the booklet. He defined worry as the mind's spasmodic grip on a negative thought(s) and said to put one positive, hopeful thought into your mind's grip and it would replace the negative thought, he suggested something as simple as, "something will go my way today", so I did it and spoke it which makes it a belief after so long and I learned it was true that it all starts with a thought and goes from there. Thoughts-words-feelings-behavior. I added more thoughts to put in my mind and to speak such as, "Good things will happen today" and I began feeling different in a few days.  So, I have tried to do this since I read the booklet and have read more of the same in other books. I put hopeful, thankful, good positive thoughts in my mind. If anyone will try this they will see a difference and feel a difference. It takes time. It's a long road out of despair and a long road to true change. There are other ways of doing this too such as reading the Psalms in the bible outloud and surrounding ourselves with positive people and avoiding the toxic ones. When a negative thought enters my mind I say, 'dismissed!' and replace it with a good thought. Whether the negative is about myself, other people or life and the world in general I try to remember to do this. I am not a natural positive thinker so it is continual work but worth it. Thought is supreme and I believe the most important factor to feeling well emotionally. Hope is like our life jacket to keep us from drowning in the dark, dead cesspool of despair. Forgiving others is something very important for us also to detox our hearts and minds from the poison of bitterness. This stuff takes self-discipline and a retraining of the mind. I do not do this as I mean to all the time but still working on it. It is very do-able if a person is willing. I hope this might be helpful to someone. : )  Sherry

Replies

stevebhopes
stevebhopes

You have outlined in clear, simple terms a recipe for rising out of depression. I know it works because anyone who had to live in your shoes, with all the pain and suffering you face, would be depressed a lot of the time. You are an inspiration to me and I intend to try your idea. Thanks for taking the time to write this piece!
deleted_user
deleted_user

im sorry for your struggle, i have a similar guilt with my animals, when things have been bad and i feel so sort tempered, they understand, but i see their sad faces as they know the pple and what makes me hurt. i do believe they know all this.

youve come along ways and should be proud of yourself, for all you have had to cope with. i have a great deal of trouble feeling positive, this place for one, is something that creates the negative spirit, the bad memories here and right here in this room where i have sat with my sick and terminal pets. so i think the environment has a large affect on this line of thinking. not that id be mr positive in a better place with a fresh start, but i know it would help me some to shed all i remember so vividly. i can say that line that something good will happen today, yet most everyday, it just doesnt. i also have a great deal of trouble with control of my emotions, moods, and depression. my thoughts, the repeating record can play, i will sometimes say, just shut up. but it doesnt stop when i get that way. so everyone is different as to how much this kind of therapy can be beneficial to them. certainly trying to look forward and being positive as possible can be a tool to try to help ones self. but i think it depends alot on the person and diagnosis how affective it is. the buddhist way of mindful thinking is another way to try and keep the mind off the past and future, and in the present. i continue to try it, but it just depends how bad i am that day whether i can do it or not. good luck to you and ty for sharing.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Thank you for sharing the secret of your strength. I admire that in you--you suffer so much, but you can raise peace and joy in yourself, and share it with others. Bless you for sharing, I see this is something worth trying. I hope I can find your mind strength within myself. I wish you peace.
AzSherryberry
AzSherryberry

Thank you for your comments and compliments. Todd I just want to say that putting the thought, \"something good is going to happen today\" in our minds does not mean it will happen but what does happen is it sparks hope within, I know because I was hopeless at that time. Another thing it causes to happen is for us to see good that was actually already there but couldn\'t see because of the darkness. I agree it can be more difficult in certain environments but I don\'t think it is impossible as some who were in the concentration camps kept some hope. A friend gave me that info and I will see if I can find exactly what she said about it to share here.
AzSherryberry
AzSherryberry

Here is what my friend wrote to me on one of my first journal entries.

\"Victor Frankel (holocaust survivor/psychologist) said the people who survived the most while being held prisoner\'s were the one\'s who maintained even the slightest amount of HOPE.\"
deleted_user
deleted_user

everyones different, yeah some in concentration camps did try and keep some hope, probably the ones that had pple that loved them. pple that had no one to go home too, sure they wanted out too, but was their hope as strong, being totally alone in the world? facts are pple that are very ill, terminal, like my dad, well he had more hope because he had support, pple that cared and he cared about. when i say that line, i quickly think, oh yeah, how, given the way i am, the way things are. changes can produce hope, but when things remain the same, its very hard. pple all struggling together can produce more hope than the one man crawling alone for water, or the man freezing from being alone.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I somewhat agree with oookfine. When a persons dreams are dead, unless they can dream a new dream then hope is useless to them, that is when some people give up. Others that could dream a new dream sometimes don\'t think it will do them any good or are too afraid of more painfull dissapointments to even try to dream a new dream.

But I also agree with you Sherry because I learned that same principle from the Bible which says; paraphrased; Life and death are in the power of the tounge and basically we will eat of the fruit of our words. We will have what we say, be it life and blessing or death and cursing. Jesus Himself said in Mark 11;22-24 \"Have faith in God for verily I say unto you that whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed and cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith....\"

This principle is what brought me out of a situation of poverty and domestic violence. No matter how bad I felt, or how bad the situtaion was or how hopeless it seemed that it would ever get any better but only worse. I didn\'t speak anything that wasn\'t what I wanted to happen. This did take a few years but it radically changed my entire life. Not only did my mind and physical body respond to the words my ears were hearing myself say but it changed my husband and my living conditions and finances as well. It works. But the person who does must have a clear dream and vison of what they want to see come to pass. And they can\'t go back and forth about what they say which is wavering. It is not possible to never have a negative though, just don\'t say it out loud. Because the Biblical principle is that we will have what we say not what we think. If you don\'t say a negative thought then the brain will adapt and will gradually stop flooding the mind with the negative thoughts all the time. It has also been medically proven that what we hear ourselves say triggers the brain and nervous system to either produce the chemicals to shut the body down or produce the chemicals, blood cells etc. to heal itself. Medical fact!
deleted_user
deleted_user

Great Journal entry Sherry! Also for the doubters out there the Bible says this will work for \"whosoever\" believes that it will. If you are a whosoever then it will work for you. I prospered more financially just on this principle alone after I had gotten so sick that I couldn\'t work anymore then I did when I was well and working full time. Then my health started to return as well. This didn\'t solve all my problems but it is an ongoing process that gains momentum as you go.
deleted_user
deleted_user

i dont believe in dreams anymore. ill sit here another lonely christmas and new years, with no one. lots of pple alone, in different states of hope or lack there of. many like me, believing dreams are gone and they will always be alone. the negative thoughts are bound to come, and bound to be spoken as well. depression is a beast to wrestle with, especially alone and with extra stuff thrown into the mix. positives real things, changes for the good, seem all that might change that hopeless feeling.
AzSherryberry
AzSherryberry

Todd that is a good point about people struggling together and the one man crawling alone for water.

Annie thanks for your comment. I do not believe there must be a dream first before hope and that hope is ever useless. I hope for a pain free hour, I hope for a night of restorative sleep, are these connected to a dream? No. Maybe there is hope and then there is hope. I mean hope type 1 could be putting our hope into something like our dream of marrying our bf/gf and hope type 2 could be simply the hope of having enough energy to go to the store today. Just a thought that hit me from reading yours and Todd\'s last entries. : )
AzSherryberry
AzSherryberry

Annie I meant to say I\'d like to read on that research about \'what we hear ourselves say\'. Do you have a link or a term to give me for a search? thanks.

Todd I hope some positive, real changes for the good happen in your life.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Sherry. In where I mention dreams, A dream is anything that you hope for. But if you are only dreaming about one pain free hour then that is your goal and you hope that it will come. Maybe I should have said goal instead of dream. A person has to have a dream or a goal in order to be able to hope for anything.

I saw that info about how the mind effects the health of the body on a medical documentary on tv. It is something to do with our words and thoughts affecting nerve centers in the brain. When I saw that program I thought it was pretty cool because the Bible has always said that we will get what we say. I\'m not sure what to type in for a search though. Maybe something like (mind over matter) or (thought and words affecting our heath) or maybe do some research on the latest findings on how the body and nervous system is controled medically by the brain. I\'m not sure. I watch alot of scientific type of medical shows and astronomy documentarys, it\'s amazing how it all proves the Bible to be true.

To Todd, my thoughts changed before my surroundings and circumtances ever began to change. You have a dream that you can hope for and that is for your surroundings and circumstance to change.
AzSherryberry
AzSherryberry

Thanks Annie. I am very interested in the body, mind, spirit connection as well. I love discovery channel, history ch., national geographic ch, and all I can read to learn about anything. Do you remember what channel you saw that on? I could search the channel for the documentary that way.

My thoughts changed before my surroundings and circumstances changed too. : )
deleted_user
deleted_user

Sherry, It would probably have been on Discovery, TLC (The learning channel) or the History channel. A word of advice though. I learned it from the Bible first. We really only need to trust God and His Word as Jesus said \"Believe in God and if you say unto this mountain....\" He didn\'t say believe the tv or the internet. To think that we can do anything without God is referred to in the Bible as being high minded, and that is in disobeiance to God, as we have to relize that we can do nothing without Him. It is a universal law and will still work for people who don\'t believe in God but what good does it do to get healed and then go out and get hit by a bus. We are created in Gods image and like Him our words if they are the same as God Word can create and recreate. In the beginning God said \"let there be light and light was\" He didn\'t think it into being or hope it into being. So we have to function the same way. I think the verse about life and death are in the power of the tounge is in Provebs but I\'m not sure, I\'ll try to find it for you. You will have much better success in studying Gods word than you will researching things that people have said, even if they have written articles in the Harvard Medical Journal. Read Joel 3:10 \"let the weak say \'I am strong\'\". Notice it says \"Say\" not hope, dream, think, believe. We do have to have faith in God and believe that what we say will happen but if we don\'t say it then it won\'t go anywhere. You\'re on the right track to being dellievered from your distresses if you follow these simple truths. Be well Sweetie.
ElenaNJ
ElenaNJ

hi sherry, thanks for sharing your experiences as a mom. there\'s no guilt like mother\'s guilt! but, yes, i think the majority of thoughts, at least mine are negative, and shame on me for that. see there\'s one now!!! lol. but, ur entry was one of the best that i\'ve read, it gives hope to me and is somethig one can acutally do. i look forward to trying it, and maybe even trying this together, off and on of course, cause life gets complicated. hug to you. talk soon.