What a month it\'s been!
Hey Everyone!I'm so sorry it's been so long since I have last updated my journal. This last month has been a busy one for me. My pain levels have been pretty low, and I have really been taking advantage of it. I've been getting out more and going to lunch with friends, or shopping. I've been busy taking care of my grandparents and looking for some part time computer work I could do. Finances pretty much suck right now. I hate not knowing where our next rent check will come from. I've got to find some work that my body can handle and soon. That's a feat in itself. Wish me luck, please! Last weekend my boyfriend Jon was very sick with a sinus infection and cold. I took care of him and babied him. Don't we always have to when men get sick? LOL Well, guess what...YEP...Now I have it! And where is my darling boyfriend when he should be taking care of me? Sleeping of course. LOL I don't mind. He's had a long hard week too. And he's still nursing the end of his cold. I swear he acted like he was dying when he was sick, but me? I have to pull it together and take care of myself. LOL Don't worry, when he gets up he's going to have some chores to do. LOLOk...on a very sad and upseting note. Yesterday my grandmother (the woman that really raised me who I loved to death) was put in a nursing home. I'm so very heartbroken. October 2006 she lost her memory. I know some of you know about this, but for others I'll make this short. Doctor's still haven't really dianosed her with dementia or anything, because this isn't normal ole memory loss. She does occationally come out of it. It could be for a few hours to a couple of days. Then she will go back into it. She remembers people and her past, but nothing recent or short term. Her doctors think the drug Lyrica did this to her. We all agree as well. Well about a month ago she was put in the hospital for breathing problems and very high, then low blood sugar. (she's diabetic) Ever since she came out of the hospital she has been having these crazy outbursts of yelling, and cussing. And she fights when we try to bath her or anything. She was put on a new medicine after the hospital visit called celexa and the side effects do sound like what she's been going through. We took her off of it to see if it will help.But my blind 78 year old grandfather is who takes care of her when my mom or I aren't there. And the last 19 months has been hell on him. He's very stubborn and likes everything his own way so he won't let anyone come and sit with her at night. He doesn't trust anyone. We finally just talked him in to getting a nurse come a couple days a week. But anyway, after 5 nights of no sleep, my grandfather decided to put her in a nursing home. He said it will just be a trial. I just feel so terible about this. I'm so worried she won't come out again. I wish I had the room to take her in here, but we have no way of taking care of her. I feel extra bad because I promised her I would take care of her when something like this happened. And we all promised her we would never let her go to a home. Well, I guess things change...I feel like it's my fault. Like I should be able to do something to keep her from going in there. Someone will definietly be there everyday to see her and at different times so the staff won't know when we are coming. I hope she comes back home soon. I really do. I miss her so much. Even though she is still alive and with us, her mind isn't the same and I miss having her to talk to everyday to watch American Idol with and gossip about things with her. I couldn't hug her for long enough before she went. I didn't want to let her go. But maybe this will be good for her. She tends to want to stay in bed all day and she won't even read or watch TV. Maybe they will get her moving and around people. I hope so. Please, if you pray, please pray she gets better and can come home.That's all she wrote...I'll bore you more later. LOLLove you all,Jessica
Replies
Aw, honey. I understand. I truly do.
Oh hon. I have been exactly where you are. It is so hard. We had to do the same with my grandmother and it absolutly broke my heart. My grandmother, who like yours was lucid one day and out of it the next, begged me to take her home. I didn\'t. I just would have had no way to work my two jobs at the time and take care of her. It was so hard to tell her I couldn\'t take her. I loved her so much. She died several weeks later after a stroke and I still miss her to this day. She was my \"safe harbor\". No matter how awful things were in my life, I could go to her home and feel like all the weight was lifted from me. I would sit on her couch and just fall asleep, I felt so safe and so loved. I have not felt that peace since she left us and I miss it so. Sorry...this is your jounal and I am going on and on. I am glad you are back I was worried about ya. Hugs. Lora
Sweetie I know you and I have talked and talked and talked about this some more.But, pls know even so I am here if you want to talk any more about this or anything else ever. I know this is so hard,but she may be like my Mom and may absolutely love it there,and it might be the same for your Grandma. I will pray for her you know that.Love you Jess, but you know that too. Your (mama) Deb
I don\'t know how ur feeling but I can empathize as my father who is 65 has dementia due to hydrocephalus. He also raised me after my mom left us and I sometimes wonder why this has to happen to him and not my mother but I know things just happen and I can be angry, sad, mad but I need to live \" one day at a time\" as well. Hugs. DT
i am so sorry you had to put grandma into a nursing home... damn lyrica..i got off that drug about 8 weeks ago. evil drug.. good to hear from you. hugs ..love marie
Sweetie, I haven\'t been where you are and have, though we do seem to have some similarities. I\'ll keep you all in my prayers and thoughts.
awwww i\'m so sorry sweetie. i am happy you have been in less pain though, that\'s awesome! i\'ve been super busy and am going on vacation next week but i will try to call one night this week. i hope you keep feeling good and just pray for you grandmother. take it easy. you are doing a great job with your sugar levels, way to go! love and hugs, meg
Honey, Im so sorry this is happening to your family. I lost my step-dad in 2004 to brain cancer. We all tried to nurse him as best as we could. My mom, step-dad, Brian and I both sold our homes and bought a much larger one together, so we could all help with caring for him. It wasnt easy and fortunatly for the most part we were able to care for him, ecept a few times, because we were exhausted we had to admit him to a nuring home for a week here and there. IT was HORRIBLE leaving him there. *tears up* I know what you are going though and I pray that they find something to help her soon so she can agian be with her family! Huggles, Cortnee\'..
PS. If you ever need to chat, send me a message, I would be happy to talk to you about anything and try and help you though this toubled time.