What a horrible week
Well, the rollercoaster of emotion, the inability to focus at work and some family and financial problems came up like a clown in a box. There's a part of me that wants to scream and run away somewhere in nowhere.
I think he blocked me in IM. I called him this morning, made up an excuse about some pics on his website that needs to be taken down. He sounded happy to hear from me -- but he's out drinking with friends and told me the guys say hi. I didn't really want to read too much in that because obviously, there's really nothing much in it.
I had some trouble at work and I feel so shitty about it. T'was my fault I've been so careless and out of focus. One of those days when I feel that the universe is simply turning against me -- or probably it's me losing inspiration about some things in life.
I'm feeling that I am hitting it low again -- this time it's really like a repeat of scenario a couple of years ago. Only this time it's taking more time for me to pick myself up. I really do not know what to do next. What do you do when you can't figure out what you want to do with your life? I sure want to have someone and start building a family --maybe not right away but have someone I can share my life, travel and have a home to call our own.
I don't know if I am the coward or the guys I am meeting -- but heck, maybe I'm really just different. Sometimes, I wish that I am given a break. I had good men in my life -- but they either think I am too good for them or simply not what they want -- I wish there'd be someone out there who would want me the same way I'd want them too. I am not looking for someone perfect but at least someone who can make me feel I belong in their life and I am loved and taken care of. Growing up, everyone seem to need something from me...but I don't know how many people actually want me. That's kinda sad because I am easy to love, I am not as complicated as people think.
I hope I'll feel better soon. I'd like to be the happy and enthusiastic me again. I guess life and stress is taking its toll.
I think he blocked me in IM. I called him this morning, made up an excuse about some pics on his website that needs to be taken down. He sounded happy to hear from me -- but he's out drinking with friends and told me the guys say hi. I didn't really want to read too much in that because obviously, there's really nothing much in it.
I had some trouble at work and I feel so shitty about it. T'was my fault I've been so careless and out of focus. One of those days when I feel that the universe is simply turning against me -- or probably it's me losing inspiration about some things in life.
I'm feeling that I am hitting it low again -- this time it's really like a repeat of scenario a couple of years ago. Only this time it's taking more time for me to pick myself up. I really do not know what to do next. What do you do when you can't figure out what you want to do with your life? I sure want to have someone and start building a family --maybe not right away but have someone I can share my life, travel and have a home to call our own.
I don't know if I am the coward or the guys I am meeting -- but heck, maybe I'm really just different. Sometimes, I wish that I am given a break. I had good men in my life -- but they either think I am too good for them or simply not what they want -- I wish there'd be someone out there who would want me the same way I'd want them too. I am not looking for someone perfect but at least someone who can make me feel I belong in their life and I am loved and taken care of. Growing up, everyone seem to need something from me...but I don't know how many people actually want me. That's kinda sad because I am easy to love, I am not as complicated as people think.
I hope I'll feel better soon. I'd like to be the happy and enthusiastic me again. I guess life and stress is taking its toll.
Replies
i\'m sorry to read this and your status. i sure hear you about how hard relationships are and feeling different. i\'ve felt different most of my life. anyway i\'m here if you feel like talking. hope tis week is better for you. take care. big hugs.
scott