What a great day....

What a great day.... And I havent really done anything.  The "great" part comes from being satisfied doing "nothing".  It has taken a while to get to this point, but well worth the effort that I have been putting in.  I used to overwhelm myself with "projects" to keep me busy, not know where to start and end up saying --screw it---and go to the casino.  That I could do, it was easy and no thought or concentration required on my part.  Just zone out and forget all that "hard stuff".  But that's no solution... just feeding the addiction...making the problem bigger.   I have been seriously working on "me" since about October.  Cut my gambling down to 2-3 times a month (was 2-3 times a week).  It was starting to sink in that i was "addicted".  I had been in denial for so long, I rationalized that "hey, my bills are always paid on time -- I work hard, its my money, I will spend it how I please".  I realize now that's a warped way of thinking.  I got to the point where it felt "normal" not leaving with any money, I expected myself to spend every bit that I won and I would literally make myself stay until there was no money left.  Sick, sick, sick. I have been working on my "thoughts" big time.  Working to turn those "gambling" thoughts around and not let them sit in head and stagnate.  I am still constantly bombarded by thoughts of gambling, lots and lots of those thoughts.  When I hear a commercial for one of the "many" casino's on the radio I immediately change the channel -- sometimes changing it 2 or 3 times before I find music.  I work 5 minutes from a HUGE casino --- used to read the big billboard every morning and afternoon as it flashed winners --- always daydreamin about seeing my pic up there.  Now I focus on the road when I pass it --- not daring to look at the big board. Gamble free --- I used to think that I didnt want to be GF, that I would have no identity without the slots.  Never go to Vegas again?  I love Vegas, not just for the gambling, but for the shopping, food, drinking/smoking and people watching.  But I've been thinking about that and I think that is where the "one day at a time" is starting to sink in.  Who knows if I will ever make back to Vegas ---- but I do know that I won't gamble today!!! Have a great day --- I'm going to go back to doing nothing and love it!!!

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deleted_user
deleted_user

You are really great. I guess I don\'t have the urge cause I don\'t have a car to drive by the casino and God knows what I would do if I had to. I am glad I don\'t. Last time I went to Vegas was Christmas of 1989. I went because they had no Santa, no Xmas trees, nothing to make you know it was Xmas and we went a few days before Xmas and took 500 dllrs. Well Xmas eve we were broke and I had to call my dtr to wire me some money so we could stay another day and gamble. She did, we did and we left broke. On Xmas day we drove home and pulled over to a gas station and got a burger each and sat in the car eating it and I said, I can\'t believe we did this. We spent 700 dllrs in 4 days and we can\'t even get a Xmas dinner. So, Vegas can keep Vegas. I don\'t want to ever go back. hugs Barb