What a difference a day makes

This is going to be long so be prepared. I had such a good weekend with my husband packing for the move that if you told me the very next day he would tell me I need to see my lawyer I would have said you were crazy.  But that's exactly what happened. Let me start from the beginning.  Last night he signed the application for this condo I found.  It took a little convincing on my part, because it is expensive, but I finally convinced him it was perfect for me and the kids and the pets. Well today he had a change of heart because of "all the people" he talked to.  He said he just cannot afford it.  Everyone told him he's crazy to put his name on the lease because that obligate him.  I told him you're obligated anyway because you're the one paying, and putting your name on the lease will only help your credit situation. It was during this conversation that he said that there was no way he could dish out that much money for me and the kids and still find a place of his own too.  I said I don't care if you live in a box in Detroit, you promised to take care of the kids and me.  He said well maybe you should go see your lawyer to find out what your entitled to.  What he's really saying is that he knows I won't get that much a month for spousal support and since the kids are older, child support is out and he thinks that we can live on what the judge orders.  WHAT !!!!! I said let me get this straight, you want me to get a lawyer and file for divorce just so you don't have to get this condo for us.  He said you know thats not the only reason so don't make it one.  He reminded me of what I told him before we left for Florida and that was that if he didn't make his mind up about us before I got back that I would file for divorce myself.  So in a way, I set myself up for this one.  But I told him that I had no plans on filing for divorce and if he wanted one he would have to get himself a lawyer and find out himself what I'm entitled to.   Well that just about blew this weekend off the face of the earth.   He came over at 6:30 and we talked about this until 8pm.  I laid it all on the line and the gloves came off.  I told him things about the kids and their feelings that I wasn't saying before because I didn't want to hurt him.  I told him that they don't want him back home and the effect that all this has had on them.  How angry and hurt they are.  I told him for once in his life take responsibility for what you've done.  Look at yourself in the mirror and recognize that you started this yourself by pulling away from me years ago.  I told him if he had been a great husband I would've been a great wife.  I told him what he doesn't realize that all these years he was punishing me he was also punishing them because everytime he stayed away from me, he also stayed away from them.  I reminded him of all the plans he made with his son and how he never made any special time with his daughter.  I told him how much this hurt her over the years and he said well that's how I was raised.  My dad and I did everything.  I then told him yea and while you did, your mother sat home and cried and your sisters felt left out.  I told him just because this was the way you were raised doesn't make it right.   Well the conversation went back and forth about this condo with me stating all the right reasons and him stating all the wrong reasons for renting it.  Finally I stood up and said, fine, this talk is over - here are your options  -- either you get this condo for me and the kids or you can find a place to stay and they can live with you, that way all I have to do is find a one bedrm apartment and he can handle the everyday life  and then I flat out told him to find a lawyer and get this divorce over with if that's what he wants.  I told him we have nothing more to say and I went in the house.  I came back out a few mintues later and I told him that I have handled this whole mess with class and dignity.  A lot of women would have been angry but I'm not angry and I don't want to be - I let go of all that anger and resentment months ago and I don't want to ever feel that way again.   I told him that he had to come back at 9:30 and tell the kids that he's going to find another place for them to live.  Now I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my kids would rather live with me in a cramped 1 bdrm apartment then live in a huge house with him so I wasn't worried about throwing this at him.   He said no that he wasn't coming back to tell them so I said fine then I'll bring them to your parents house and you can tell them there.  So then he said, if you can get this lease in your name only than I'll make it happen.  I said fine. The very last thing I said to him was that I AM DONE.  I told him I've cried my last tear for him tonight.  I've given my whole heart and soul into trying to save this marriage and I am done.  I said you want your freedom, you got it.   Then I asked him for a check so I can go see my lawyer.  He said I thought you already did, because that's what I told him I was going to do after Florida.  I once again so that I don't want a divorce so he's going to be the one to file.  He said you came back from Florida and I immediately left for California so I didn't know what was going on.  He said, I'm not a mind reader you know.   Then I again asked for a check so I could pay for a consultation and find out what I need to do and then he said, well, lets just do one thing at a time.  So in other words, lets get this move out of the way and then we can proceed with a divorce.  But on the other hand, since I said I'm done for the first time since this happened, he was like whoa, happening too fast.  Whatever - doesn't matter anymore. I think I shocked the shit out of my husband by standing up and telling him that he no longer has the right to tell me where me and the kids are going to live.  It's not up to him anymore.  I also think I shocked him by telling him that I am done and that I'm not crying over him anymore. The bottom line is we still get the condo and I now know that my marriage is over.  I don't have to read between the lines anymore and speculate what he's thinking or try and find something hopeful about what he says or does.  I know I'll still have some bad days with this, but I'm looking forward to a fresh start with my kids at this condo.  If all goes well, we should be able to move in starting this weekend.  Have you ever walked into a house and just knew that this was the one.  That's how I feel about this condo.  I just know that the kids and I will be happy there - with or without my husband.   That doesn't mean I wouldn't try and save my marriage if he had a change of heart, but it would have to be a very big change and I would be calling all the shots.  So he can take it or leave it, at this point, as of today, I don't care.