What a coincident...

So once again I am trying to move past and accept that my children want absolutely nothing to do with me, when bam! The X rears his ugly head! Tuesday I was leaving Dorothy's when I saw that my son had a big box fan in his bedroom window that was blowing air out of his room. It would catch anyone's eye as it was the only window that was a)open and b)the blinds were pulled back! I looked it was 2:30pm and X's car was not there(meaning he was at work)so I could according to him go up and knock on the door to see if the kids were at home. So I did...no answer, I turned around to walk away, when a blast of air from my son's room hit me in the face!!! It was pure unadulterated cat pee! The stench was unbelievable. So I quickly left. 1/2 an hour later the X sends me an email, saying he has been patient enough he is now going to have me put back in jail for stalking, and no wonder "my" kids want nothing to do with me because of this stalking behavior. Oh and would you get help from a counselor! Then he goes on to say he will reinstate the restraining order and have them leave off Dorothy's house as being okay to visit. I was momentarily terrified! Needless to say I called the sheriff who advised me they would not consider that stalking and if I was afraid I could get a restraining order against the X. That was yesterday. Today I had to go to the school to have blood drawn to see what shots I may need to get into the Occupational Therapy Assistant program. Came home went by Wal-Mart picked up some knitting needles, because Dorothy is going to help me learn how to knit again. Friends from the Campground called said they really missed me, would I like to join them tonight for Bible study at 6:30pm. sure! At 6 I got up to leave Dorothy's, it was pitch black, got in the car turned the key...nothing. Absolutely no sound! Car is dead as a door nail. Coincidence?? Could the X have come home and messed with my car? Sure it was parked in front of Dorothy's on the street. But you see, there I go again, blaming him, when I don't know what the real problem is! So for the very first time I called AAA and had them come out. As Dorothy put it that's what you pay for!( boy it must be nice to always be right! Ha, ha!) So my battery is dead the guy wants $106 for a new one, I say thanks but not thanks. And immediately head for Wal-Mart. They have good batteries for around $65(or at least they did 4 1/2 years ago when I got my last battery)I call on my cell as I am driving there(highly illegal, but desperate times call for desperate measures!)when I finally get through to Automotive I am 1/2 to the store the guy tells me, "mam they are all leaving as we speak, we close the service area at 7pm" my clock showed 6:59pm. So I turned around came home parked the car on the street in front of Mabelle's house and when it doesn't turn over in the morning I will call AAA again let them jump start it and drive to Wal-Mart for a new battery. Then I will take into the Toyota dealership and have the maintenance, done that I should have had last August! Opps, haven't had the money or the time. Guess I now have the time, even if I don't really have the money. I need that car. I wish I could get a new one or even just a newer one. But I will make this work. While AAA was working on my car, I was so busy helping the guy I never looked around at the neighbors etc, course it was pitch black! But Dorothy was out there and she said someone came out of my old house, walked half way to where we were, but stopped. Then after a moment turned around and went back. Guess that was my son. How kind of him not to inquire if anyone needed any help! Boy the X would have gone through the roof if he knew my son had left the house. They have very explicit rules, no windows open, no blinds open, no one answers the door! And my son had just done it all! But he couldn't even speak to me!! I really raised some awful kids. That is what bothers me! Because the only way my X knew I was at the house was because one of them(probably my daughter!)called the X at work and told him! How sweet they both are, lets have dad put mom in jail again, that will really teach her! How dare she treat us like we were normal people!
But enough of this. I also have signed up to take an American Heart Assn. CPR class on Jan. 20th. I don't remember the last time I took a CPR class, but you need the card to do or get  a lot of jobs! Since school requires it for my program I decided to go ahead and get it over with now rather than later. I also have an email into the head of the department asking about medical insurance. They require you to show proof of medical insurance as well as malpractice insurance. I have no medical insurance because of the x and my Breast cancer in 2008. Oh I could have it if I want to pay monthly payments of over $2000 for just basic hospitalization! I just can't fit that into my current budget of $1660 a month( even though it is supposed to be $1800). But I am hoping they will accept student medical insurance, which is much, much less and covers the same things. So all this maybe for naught! Especially if I can't get around the insurance situation. But I will continue on like nothing will stop me. What else can I do?
My kids will never at this point ever speak to me again. I forwarded the email the X sent to me to them and asked if they knew why he sent me something like this! Of course I will never hear from them, but I think they are old enough to know the consequences of their actions!I am going to make a new goal. My new goal will be to never, ever try to get in touch or cry again about my children. I truly have to think of them as no longer existing. These people are not the children I raised. Oh they have the same names, etc. but they are not my children any more. I have tried this before and couldn't quite make it, but I have got to start again. So here goes, the past 21 years did not happen. I am the same person I was when I first graduated from College with Teaching Credential. As soon as I have my new degree I must leave San Diego and move somewhere else, hopefully where no one knows me and I can truly forget all the horrors of the past 21 years. I know the past 21 years were not all bad, but the good was squashed by all the bad.