Went Swimming

Today it was nice enough outside to go swimming. The pool was kinda cold, but it was still nice on the hot day. I don't know how hot it was... I didn't turn on my computer to check the weather. I wasn't feeling too well today because I didn't take my full dose of Neurontin last night. I wanted to see what it would be like to detox. It wasn't fun, but I know I need to do this because it's the right thing to do. I can see me in the hospital, begging for my meds. I know it's going to be hell, but I want to do it. I do things because they are right, not because they are easy. I'm not forgiving Tony because it's easy, I'm doing it because it's the right thing to do. I wish there was an easier way for all of this, but I know that there isn't. If I want to know what I'm like without my meds, the only way for me to do that is to go off of them. And it has to be a time when I'm symptomatic, or else it's not going to show anything. I need to know because I need to know what needs to be treated. And there's no time like now because I'm on disability and can spend the time in the hospital if I need to.
I think that the only time that would be better would be in December after my Medicare kicks in, but I don't want to have to wait that long. I don't know what's going to happen. I'm sick and tired of the akathesia and all that happening. I'm also tired of the mood swings, which are only going to get worse as I go off the meds, but I have to be okay with that. I don't know how I'm going to deal with it, but I have to. Plus, I don't know if my Medicare is going to kick in in December or next April, so I don't want to have to wait over a year. I'm ready to do this now... I have the balls to do this now, so let's get it over with.
So yeah, today I went swimming.... I only went for 15 minutes because I didn't want to get sunburned, but it was nice. I didn't get my fitness minutes for the week in, but considering I was a zombie for part of the week that's to be expected. I should just be glad I got in as much as I got in (150 minutes instead of 250) and most of that was due to walking so slow. It did get my heart rate up, I can tell you that much, but it wasn't much for exercise. The swimming got my heart rate up, and I may go again tomorrow if I feel like it and the pool is open. I also wanted to go for a walk sometime. I have so much that I want to get done tomorrow that I don't feel like I have enough time in the day to do it all. Oh well, we will see what I get done.
I'm tired and it's late, so I'm going to make this a short journal. Food today I was good on, which surprised me. I had a Marie Calendar's pot pie for lunch and those things are full of horrible things. I still managed to make it in my calorie range. I'm still a bit hungry, so I might have a bit more leftover pasta from dinner. I have room for it. Mood today was swingy... needed my full dose of Neurontin. Stress was low today, and sleep last night was the best I've had in a while... not great, but still better than the past couple of nights.