Went in Body but not Spirit....
Ok I went to the barbeque. I would actually say that I made an apperance I guess. One of those things I do to keep everyone around me off my back. Sometimes it's just easier to go out and apeeze everyone than to have to answer and explain a hundred times why I didn't go. Another friend of mine is getting married in Oct and her Bridal Shower is next week and already everyone is asking. " Are you going T?" What time are you going? What are you going to get her? Then if I say i'm not sure if i'm going, Oh CHEESE AND RICE this opens up a whole other conversation. Why T Why aren't you going? Is it because of Wayne? NO DIP SHIT IT'S BECAUSE I REALLY DON'T LIKE CRAB PUFFS OR TOILET PAPER WEDDING DRESSES!!!! Sometimes I feel it's better to just go swallow my feelings along with alot of wine put on a smile face and wait til I get home then SCREAM!!!!!
My friends were like Yeah!! T's here!!!!! so happy to see me which I am grateful to have such beautiful friends. But all the kissy kissy newlywed stuff sitting on his lap when there's a perfectly good chair right there. The ass grabbing and baby this and baby that. I think I need some pissed off divorced friends to hang out with or at least a married couple who has but in at least 15 years and watching the game means ACTUALLY WATCHING THE GAME ya know. Sometimes I feel that my friends are so wrapped up in their own happiness and I know they want me to share that joy with them but, they really don't know what i'm going through do they? Otherwise they would quit constantly invited me to all these things having to do with happily ever afters. It's just not what I need right now and everytime I go I end up feeling so much worse than if I just stayed home and caught up on True Blood. Don't laugh SEXY HOT VAMPIRES always makes me happy.....
My friends were like Yeah!! T's here!!!!! so happy to see me which I am grateful to have such beautiful friends. But all the kissy kissy newlywed stuff sitting on his lap when there's a perfectly good chair right there. The ass grabbing and baby this and baby that. I think I need some pissed off divorced friends to hang out with or at least a married couple who has but in at least 15 years and watching the game means ACTUALLY WATCHING THE GAME ya know. Sometimes I feel that my friends are so wrapped up in their own happiness and I know they want me to share that joy with them but, they really don't know what i'm going through do they? Otherwise they would quit constantly invited me to all these things having to do with happily ever afters. It's just not what I need right now and everytime I go I end up feeling so much worse than if I just stayed home and caught up on True Blood. Don't laugh SEXY HOT VAMPIRES always makes me happy.....
Replies
I understand how you feel. Your friends mean well; they just haven\'t been through this and don\'t really understand the pain.
I commend you for going. Look at these moments as the little baby steps they are toward healing. One day you will attend weddings and other events and your ex won\'t even cross your mind.
Sending hugs!
NO ONE understands this unless you have gone through it! I know, it \"sucks\". It just has to get better one of these days, right? (HUGS)
I am reading a book now and it talks about how there is so little understanding of this type of grief. If our spouses were to have died, we would be allowed to grieve for a year, we would have people bringing food, sending flowers and notes of support. Instead we are expected to pick the pcs up and move on quickly. It is almost taboo if you are still grieving after a few months, people began to wonder why you can\'t get over it and move on. I am completely with you on this. Please know we all understand and are sending good thoughts and support!! You can hang out on this site with us divorced spouses!! (((HUGS)))
confused 92 has a very valid point! that is so true about how, in the case of the death of a spouse, you get all kinds of support -- casseroles, visits from the \"church ladies\" and the whole bit -- and you are \"allowed\" to grieve for a year.\" When two women I knew quite well went through unexpected divorces a couple of years before my own happened, I did everything I could to be supportive to them --through the ENTIRE PROCESS -- I even went to court as a witness for one of them to testify that she had lived separate and apart for one year (a requirement in our state). But DO YOU THINK that EITHER ONE OF THEM took the walk with me? HELL NO! It was like \"thanks a lot, Kathi, but we\'re divorced so we don\'t want to have anything to do with you.\" Nice, huh?
T, be GRATEFUL that you have people who DO make the effort to include you and go when you feel like it, say no politely when you do not. AND AT THE SAME TIME, they can\'t read your mind, so you just have to speak from your heart and say to them, \"I DO need to have people around me, and it would be NICE to be invited out to see a movie or over for dinner sometime!\" I learned that I had to TELL PEOPLE WHAT I NEEDED in order for them to help meet those needs.
My best gal pal, Lisa, drove up here from her place (an hour away) and spent many nights with me when I was in the worst of it. Those were the FEW nights that I slept really well and it was just her presence and knowing that if I felt like crying, she would comfort me; if I was livid with anger, she would listen and not try to talk me out of it. If I just wanted someone to be on the farm with me, she would bring a book to read while I went out and mowed the pasture. THAT is a TRUE BLUE FRIEND. So, honey, why not ASSERT your needs more? Try giving voice to those needs and it may help you tremendously! Know that we all love you, too, and if it were possible, we would all take turns coming to hang out with you for a weekend. Be grateful to this group! Sending all kinds of hugs to you this rainy Sunday night, my friend.
People\'s hearts are in the right place, but I know what you mean. This time is about YOU. Not what other people want.
If you don\'t want to go to something - don\'t go. Don\'t worry about the 20 questions. Just tell them that your not up to it emotionally and don\'t want to attend but you hope they have a nice time and congratulations.
That\'s pretty much all you need to say.
I love True Blood - watched Sunday\'s episode last night - was pretty wild!
I can very well relate to how you feel, after the death of my only son, twenty five years of marriage went down the drain.
Now after being alone for the most part of nearly sixteen years, I find myself wishing I had ended that marriage much sooner.
If you\'ll accept me as a friend, I\'ll try my best to help you through it .
Lynn
P.S. I might even let you sing some of my songs, such as the one I wrote several years ago titled, ....
.......................................... ..\" Shove It Where The Sun Don\'t Shine \" ....
..... ...
That one can apply to many different people under various circumstances..LOL
I hear you. people are trying to help .They just don\'t know how. That is why we all can support each other so well. We have been in each others shoes. we can truly emphasize with you. I would give anything to have you all close by. My friends are all married and well meaning as well.They just don\'t understand!
Hugs to you!
:) Maggie
I hear you. people are trying to help .They just don\'t know how. That is why we all can support each other so well. We have been in each others shoes. we can truly emphasize with you. I would give anything to have you all close by. My friends are all married and well meaning as well.They just don\'t understand!
Hugs to you!
:) Maggie