Well WTF!

Well after Ieft I was doing pretty good I know I don't want to go back but it is really hard or I know it will be.  I do love him no matter how it may seem.  And we have been through alot together.  As yes by the little of the story that has been told it may seem he is a total ASS but he has also been my ROCK through a lot of HELL.  I went by When I thought he was gone to get my pillows I need to sleep and found him Drunk after two months being clean.  He said he couldn't bear to lose me. That it was my fault.  I told him it was his because he did not appreciate me enough and until he did he would never be able to have me.  I told him following the step and making amends was correct but when making amends hurt other that you were not supposed to do this. To read his book again.  I told him he was killing me slowly.  I was not comming back he said he want to die.  I told him that was his choice but I was not responsible.  I had tried to be there and he had pushed me away.  I called the one other person i thought could help him.  I hope it worked.  I cannot beleive his brother took him to buy beer.  OMG! How Fucking Stupid!  They want him Dead.  They have Stabbed him in the back so many times and he keeps groveling at their feet for acceptance. As weel as with his children.  They only call for money and then hang up and don't answer his calls after he sends it.  I feel so bad for him.  he is like that kicked to the curb puppy.  These people only see him as a cash cow.  yes i know I have funded most of our relationship but it has been mainly because he has been cash strapped because of his family.  He is always sending money so his kids will atleast say hello. Most calls last about 2 minutes and that is it.  When my girls hug him the light in his eyes are so bright.  When we all get in the car to go out whuch is rare it is like a special moment in time.  I will miss those most of all.  Our movie times when we watch a movie and lauch so hard.  Or when the girls dance and sing and he laughs.  Or when everyone is getting home and everyone asks how was your day? 
I won't miss the argument about when it is time to buy groceries.  Or who ate the orange.  Or who took the last shower.  Or why the light was left on.  Or why the TV is on.  Or Who broke this and who is going to pay to fix it.  Or i am too tired.  Get off the phone( Ihave to teens) Aren't you going to vacuum? Quit playing video games . Off the computer.  Go t your room.  Clean the Car.  Go fed the Dog.  Get me this. Fix my dinner.  Fix me coffee.
I won't miss asking to talk and being told about what?
I won't miss being with him but being alone.