Well.... (part 1)

Id planned to write my journal everyday but thats not happened lolThats prob for the best tho to be honest, I am travelling so fast and my brains processing information at such a speed that emotionally its a wicked roller coaster bouncing thru alternating light and dark passages which Im taking in best I can while I wait for my brain to make sense of it all.What Im trying to say is, I guess, if i do this at a moment its not making sense Im gonna be feeling down cos of confusion, do it when it makes sense then at least I can write with clarity why im either up or down with it all... not all sense paints a rosey outcome unfortunately but some does and thats a big something for me :)I would say my 'mental transition' is complete to which anybody looking to destroy my integrity could bark 'how can there be a mental transition if youve always been female?' to which I'd reply my mind was thrust into a tornado of confusion by a traumatic incident at an early age, such confusion that Ive had no idea whom I am let alone what sex I am for 4/5ths of my life, of course Ive had to make a mental transition now that Ive reconnected with my true self. This transition was instantaineously achieved the moment I remembered whom I was before the mailstrom of 'life' came down upon me, it was exceptionally easy to make the transition from whom I hated being to whom I love being thus took no time at all.Where I am at now I see more conflict in my performing the physical transition for I fear I will take the easy way out under the excuse of protecting the ppl I loves feelings... which means only partial transition done completely in secret for some time to come... which in itself does not complete what I know I have to do, or at least not for a long time and Im 50 going on 51 already!I doubt I can accept that but I also dont see how I, who claims to be a nice person, can bear to even chance hurting ppl whove already stood by me thru my years of turmoil and still love me. I feel they dont deserve that and deserve to enjoy the calmer waters theyre all in now without me creating waves AGAIN.However, I also truely believe as long as I continue asking 'how can I resolve this?' the answer will come to me