Well I have not stuck with any of my goals but have achieved other goals
So looking back on the past year I have done so much and I mean so much. I got a better job got a raise at said job. I went spalunking for the first time, I did a controlled jump off of the stratosphere, saw the Grand Canyon, saw my siblings with mark who met them
For the first time, made friends lost friends but mostly made friends, improved my relationship with my wonderful mother. I strengthened relationships I already had. I have gone to concerts and completed my goal to run a 5k and ended up doing obstacle courses and mud runs. Changed my eating habits to a more healthy trend with the occasional Taco Bell cheat. I have done so much and am so proud of this year I have really actively focused on my happiness and doing what I need to do. I have struggled with what I want to do when I "grow up" weather or not I want a family and if that will ever be a realistic possibility. Struggled with work and struggled with growing into a young professional, all the whole holding on to my care free child like views on things. I have been struggling with actively choosing to be happy and the temptation to be depressed yes it's tempting because life was easier when I didn't give a shit and just wanted to cut and not give a shit. So that is still appealing to me at times. And at times I feel like my happiness is all a facade that someone is going to call me out on. Don't get me wrong my happiness is real but I feel like it is not who I am and so people can see through me and think hey what are you doing you are not supposed to be happy. But screw that I have worked hard to be happy. Anxiety is something that still takes over a lot. I am slowly learning to cope with anxiety it is a seemingly newer thing but the depression is mostly gone sans deep into winter when it feels almost unavoidable. But I have found working out and actively keeping in contact with friends versus withdrawing does help but it is exceptionally difficult in the winter. What a silly concept it being difficult to make myself talk to the people I love. But all and all I Am proud of how far I have come... And sometimes I just want to go back to the way I was, but I know that irrational and stupid and I know I would not be happy being depressed.. Obviously.. But it just feels so damned familiar like an old song I heard as a child... But alas it makes more sense to move forward and it has been working out better then I could have ever expected. Okay ranting done I'm sure this made exactly no sense as always but at least it is nice to get it all ot.
For the first time, made friends lost friends but mostly made friends, improved my relationship with my wonderful mother. I strengthened relationships I already had. I have gone to concerts and completed my goal to run a 5k and ended up doing obstacle courses and mud runs. Changed my eating habits to a more healthy trend with the occasional Taco Bell cheat. I have done so much and am so proud of this year I have really actively focused on my happiness and doing what I need to do. I have struggled with what I want to do when I "grow up" weather or not I want a family and if that will ever be a realistic possibility. Struggled with work and struggled with growing into a young professional, all the whole holding on to my care free child like views on things. I have been struggling with actively choosing to be happy and the temptation to be depressed yes it's tempting because life was easier when I didn't give a shit and just wanted to cut and not give a shit. So that is still appealing to me at times. And at times I feel like my happiness is all a facade that someone is going to call me out on. Don't get me wrong my happiness is real but I feel like it is not who I am and so people can see through me and think hey what are you doing you are not supposed to be happy. But screw that I have worked hard to be happy. Anxiety is something that still takes over a lot. I am slowly learning to cope with anxiety it is a seemingly newer thing but the depression is mostly gone sans deep into winter when it feels almost unavoidable. But I have found working out and actively keeping in contact with friends versus withdrawing does help but it is exceptionally difficult in the winter. What a silly concept it being difficult to make myself talk to the people I love. But all and all I Am proud of how far I have come... And sometimes I just want to go back to the way I was, but I know that irrational and stupid and I know I would not be happy being depressed.. Obviously.. But it just feels so damned familiar like an old song I heard as a child... But alas it makes more sense to move forward and it has been working out better then I could have ever expected. Okay ranting done I'm sure this made exactly no sense as always but at least it is nice to get it all ot.
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