Well I have done it again!
I know I must bear some responsibility or these things would not keep happening to me. I just happened to check Facebook some old friends from Australia(which I found them and we are now back in touch)I got to look up my friends 2 daughters and see what they are up too! That made me think about her checking my Facebook to see my kids. I have known for a while that my daughter has totally barred me from even knowing if she has a Facebook account anymore. But my son had one, he just never used it, his roommate from last year sometimes posts pictures of group activities that Kyle was in so I got to see him among his school mates. Recently he too has banned me from seeing or knowing if he still has a Facebook account. How stupid do I feel. Not only can I not vicariously try to enjoy him, but now I must let long lost friends know what has happened to my kids?? It is just too much. Hopefully my friends will be able to see their accounts and I won't get any questions.
Then to add insult to injury, my sister has closed her account and will no longer talk to me. The reason??? well she sent me a long stupid message last week on Friday. I told her I thought it was stupid and asked why she was telling me all(and I do mean all!)about some guy and what she was making for his birthday party, then starts chastising me for not knowing my ex-brother-in-law left her, not her him. This happened in 1993 or 94, I never was privy to what was going on, and didn't feel I should push too hard for the details, I figured someone would tell me down the road. She had also been telling me how she is just the kind of person, that doesn't want to get involved, she eats when she is hungry, sleeps when she is sleepy,tells people what she likes and doesn't like, she never hides anything and sometimes because she is so up front other people can't handle it. So I told her what I thought about her email, but at the end I said I was probably over reacting because of some problems I was having. Then today she sends me a message saying "it's none of my business who she sleeps with?" and she has never had a mammo or colonoscopy, but she has all the signs of high blood pressure and hasn't been to a dentist in years and years. She doesn't know if she has polyps "like her biological father". Now the problem with that statement is, I am adopted by her biological father, I call him Daddy! She grew up with both of her "biological parents", technically we are half sisters, same Mom, different Dads. My father(that is how I tell them apart)died before I was born, March my birthday is in August. So when my Mom met my Dad she already had me and asked if he would adopt me. My whole life I grew up knowing he was not my father,I was adopted, but he was my Daddy. Until my Mother passed away I was always that "reliable"one. So when my Dad had to have another bypass operation the doctor made him call me, I was only 6 to 8 hours by car away, my sister was in Pensacola, Florida and would need to fly. Well I thought we were all one big happy family, until I was waiting for him to have visitors in IC and I was told I couldn't go in, they were waiting for his "real daughter"...needless to say I was devastated I had just been sitting there for over 8 hours for nothing! And what a slap in my face! I am not his "real" daughter, my Mom was rolling over in her grave! It then made a lot of sense why my sister had gotten so snotty about me paying for a plane ticket for her to see her Dad. I had no money at all and had no way to use any of my Dad's money and told my sister so, I suggested she put her ticket on a credit card and when she got to see my Dad he would reimburse her! No way, I should pay for her because she was poor. Needless to say she flew in and I drove home on the same day, This is the basis for our current not seeing eye to eye.
Now my "Dad" refuses to see me. But his "real daughter" sees him fairly regular. She flies out and spends a week with him, Since my Mom passed away he has bought her a new car, sent monthly living money to her. I received nothing except a used car that belonged to my Mom when she died and the usual Christmas and birthday gifts, but that all stopped about 10 years ago for me. It isn't about the money, its about family. She is my sister, he is my Dad. They have always done things my whole life that hurt my Mom and I and each other, but it has never stopped my Mom or I from connecting to them. Maybe I don't go out of my way anymore to help her, but I don't stop having anything to do with her. She ended the message that she probably wouldn't be around in 10 more years to try to get a hold of. Is this a threat? I don't not want to connect with my sister, but I think she can dish it out, but she can't even remotely accept what she dishes out when it comes back to her. Well to make a long story short, she closed out her DS account before I could finish writing her an answer. In it I told her I don't want to hurt her or not talk to her, I just thought she should know how I feel. But as with the rest of my life, those who I thought meant the most to me, never want to hear how I feel. I know I am spinning this to my favor, because this would not keep happening to me if I was normal. I guess I have just been such a mealy mouth I never said boo to most people because I want people to like me. I guess I would have been better off letting the world see me as I am, so that by now I would be used to others reactions to my feelings and thinking. Instead everyone is shocked and mad because I have the nerve to disagree with them. But I really do try to let others know this is my opinion and although it doesn't agree with yours, I still like you and can accept that you don't think or feel the way I do! But that is not making it clear enough. Well this is enough for tonight. I hope I have been clear as to what goes on with me, I have always believed there are 2 sides to every story and although they may seem miles apart there are some basic things that can be agreed on. My side is not right, but neither is the other side, in a sense both sides are right and both are wrong.
Then to add insult to injury, my sister has closed her account and will no longer talk to me. The reason??? well she sent me a long stupid message last week on Friday. I told her I thought it was stupid and asked why she was telling me all(and I do mean all!)about some guy and what she was making for his birthday party, then starts chastising me for not knowing my ex-brother-in-law left her, not her him. This happened in 1993 or 94, I never was privy to what was going on, and didn't feel I should push too hard for the details, I figured someone would tell me down the road. She had also been telling me how she is just the kind of person, that doesn't want to get involved, she eats when she is hungry, sleeps when she is sleepy,tells people what she likes and doesn't like, she never hides anything and sometimes because she is so up front other people can't handle it. So I told her what I thought about her email, but at the end I said I was probably over reacting because of some problems I was having. Then today she sends me a message saying "it's none of my business who she sleeps with?" and she has never had a mammo or colonoscopy, but she has all the signs of high blood pressure and hasn't been to a dentist in years and years. She doesn't know if she has polyps "like her biological father". Now the problem with that statement is, I am adopted by her biological father, I call him Daddy! She grew up with both of her "biological parents", technically we are half sisters, same Mom, different Dads. My father(that is how I tell them apart)died before I was born, March my birthday is in August. So when my Mom met my Dad she already had me and asked if he would adopt me. My whole life I grew up knowing he was not my father,I was adopted, but he was my Daddy. Until my Mother passed away I was always that "reliable"one. So when my Dad had to have another bypass operation the doctor made him call me, I was only 6 to 8 hours by car away, my sister was in Pensacola, Florida and would need to fly. Well I thought we were all one big happy family, until I was waiting for him to have visitors in IC and I was told I couldn't go in, they were waiting for his "real daughter"...needless to say I was devastated I had just been sitting there for over 8 hours for nothing! And what a slap in my face! I am not his "real" daughter, my Mom was rolling over in her grave! It then made a lot of sense why my sister had gotten so snotty about me paying for a plane ticket for her to see her Dad. I had no money at all and had no way to use any of my Dad's money and told my sister so, I suggested she put her ticket on a credit card and when she got to see my Dad he would reimburse her! No way, I should pay for her because she was poor. Needless to say she flew in and I drove home on the same day, This is the basis for our current not seeing eye to eye.
Now my "Dad" refuses to see me. But his "real daughter" sees him fairly regular. She flies out and spends a week with him, Since my Mom passed away he has bought her a new car, sent monthly living money to her. I received nothing except a used car that belonged to my Mom when she died and the usual Christmas and birthday gifts, but that all stopped about 10 years ago for me. It isn't about the money, its about family. She is my sister, he is my Dad. They have always done things my whole life that hurt my Mom and I and each other, but it has never stopped my Mom or I from connecting to them. Maybe I don't go out of my way anymore to help her, but I don't stop having anything to do with her. She ended the message that she probably wouldn't be around in 10 more years to try to get a hold of. Is this a threat? I don't not want to connect with my sister, but I think she can dish it out, but she can't even remotely accept what she dishes out when it comes back to her. Well to make a long story short, she closed out her DS account before I could finish writing her an answer. In it I told her I don't want to hurt her or not talk to her, I just thought she should know how I feel. But as with the rest of my life, those who I thought meant the most to me, never want to hear how I feel. I know I am spinning this to my favor, because this would not keep happening to me if I was normal. I guess I have just been such a mealy mouth I never said boo to most people because I want people to like me. I guess I would have been better off letting the world see me as I am, so that by now I would be used to others reactions to my feelings and thinking. Instead everyone is shocked and mad because I have the nerve to disagree with them. But I really do try to let others know this is my opinion and although it doesn't agree with yours, I still like you and can accept that you don't think or feel the way I do! But that is not making it clear enough. Well this is enough for tonight. I hope I have been clear as to what goes on with me, I have always believed there are 2 sides to every story and although they may seem miles apart there are some basic things that can be agreed on. My side is not right, but neither is the other side, in a sense both sides are right and both are wrong.
Replies
04/07/2011 1:25pm
It sounds like your sister has her \'own\' problems. Try not and let all this bother you too much. You seem to have dealt with it the best you can. No one should be treated the way her and your \'dad\' treat you. Just remember you did the right thing regarding your dad\'s health. Unfortunately they made the wrong decisions.
Stay strong and don\'t let this set you back. Your sister again chose no contact, not you.
She hasn\'t recently been in your life to understand what you are going through. You have to be good to yourself and not worry about her.
Wow, I\'m suprised how much your life mirrors mine. I don\'t know who my real father is and I have been kicked out of my family because I\'m not a real ______. You know what? I consider that their loss. I took care of them when they were little . I was a surrogate mom to my younger siblings.
My sister and brother have problems that are not my responsibility to fix. They don\'t even recognize me as a half sister. I\'ve moved many states away from them. Just remember that family doesn\'t have to be blood related. I make my family from the eople i have contact with on a daily basis. Family doesn\'t have to be blood related.
I know how this action from your sister and dad has hurt you. You can\'t make people do what they don\'t want to do or be who they don\'t want to be. All you can do is pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start making a new life for yourself. Don\'t get hung up in the what ifs.
Thanks to both of you I think I am dealing with my sister in a much more mature way than in the past. It upsets me, but as you have said it is her problem not mine. I will have contact if she will answer any phone calls I ever make to her, but if she doesn\'t...oh well, not a problem. But I do wonder that this problem seems to continue to happen to me. Those I love the most cut me off from all contact with them. Or so it seems. My kids are still a very painful problem. I am currently on day 11, but even that doesn\'t seem so short a time. Most of the time I have no idea how long it has been, but when I do my heart just dies. But I pick myself up, dust myself off and keep on going. Thanks to all of you who read my journals.
Oh Trisha unlike you I have always had a picture of my real father and all the years I was growing up thought I had the best Mom & Dad ever! Oh they weren\'t perfect, but I thought they were perfect for me. I actually always felt that even though the rest of the world seemed to love my sister best, I always knew my Mom & Dad were always there for me no matter what and I always felt my sister never had that good of a relationship with our Mom and Dad. I was always there for them, at least until I married \"X\". I thought I had to go along with him, even though it was not as perfect as I thought it should be. I thought I had to stand up to my parents for him. What a stupid little girl I was. My mom always saw him for what he really was and is. If she was alive she wouldn\'t tell me I told you so, but she would not be surprised about anything he ever did. I wish she had been here to see me realize just what I had to do,she would have been proud that I finally stood up for myself. She wouldn\'t have liked how things have turned out with the kids and I, but I think she would have known this was possible. So it is a mixed blessing she isn\'t here to see how many more mistakes I have made with my life, but she would have cheered me on for continuing to try and do the right thing.