Well I am ok but...

Well I am ok, now, but earlier I had my moment, if fleeting.  I don't know if it's the crappy weather, the fact it's Monday and I don't do Monday's well at all, or both...but I had to go to the bank on my lunch hour, and as I was leaving the teller says "Thank you Mrs. or shall I say Ms. L"....don't know why it triggered me but it did.  In my nutso brain, I heard Ms. as equalling loser...you can't stay married to be called a Mrs.  Then I got thinking of having him served by the sheriff and I just felt a little sad b/c no matter what he's done, somewhere deep I "love" him in a weird way.  Then I come back to work and start digging in my drawer where I have hidden copies of the 150+ disgusting gross printed emails (for safe keeping) and started to read them again.  I thought about my 13th anniversary coming up on next Monday, and I just started to well up.  I fought those tears to the best of my ability...fought that they would NOT stream down my face again.  Yet they did but I quickly wiped them and just thought this is why I must be done. 
Oh and my back has been killing me for the last few days so I am walking around like Quasi-Moto in need of a calcium pill...grrrrr....