Well, Here Goes
I have been writing in this journal almost daily but keeping the posts to myself. I am now going to expose myself.
I am 61 years old. I was forced into retirement last year when I lost my business. It has been some adjustment, but I am getting used to not being as busy.
If you looked at me from the outside you would think I have it all. A very loving husband, friends and family, a beautiful home. I "have it all".
But I drink. And people would say that I am a "social drinker". We are very social, my husband is the VP of a local business and we attend lots of mandatory meetings and events. And there is always drinking.
It's crazy. I workout hard, CrossFit, We eat well, healthy. I go to a girlfriend's and workout with her so that she will do it! Walk 2 miles or the 7 minute workout. Ride the bike with my dogs. Do boot camp with my husband!
As I said, we are very social. I volunteer at my church, we are involved with a community group at church, I also volunteer at a local restaurant during the summer with a friend teaching kids to cook. I have very close friends and supportive family.
I would never dream of getting up in the morning and start drinking. I go to lunch with friends and order tea. It is just 1) when we go out and 2) this stupid three hour window at home. A couple of glasses of wine while cooking dinner, or a cocktail after dinner with my husband. But my problem is that when I do drink I just lose control and don't know when to stop.
Last Sunday my husband left for San Antonio and I sat here and got trashed. Felt like crap the next day, could not go workout. Saturday we were sitting here discussing budget, traveling, selling the house and I started drinking wine around 2:00pm then moved to the Tito's and got wasted. I could not get up and go to church the next morning.
I must also say that I have microscopic colitis and I know this drinking is harming my body. Badly.....
I am starting counseling tonight!!! I have looked over the 12 steps. I admit I have a problem and am powerless. Jesus Christ is my savior.
Getting back to being social. I am trying not to drink at all this week. Made it last night. Monday nights is steak night and we usually have wine. I did not buy any. But I am on a committee for the Pink Ribbon (did I mention I had breast cancer 4 years ago) and got an email saying we are going to meet at a bar Wednesday night. The ladies in my community group are meeting Thursday at the Olive Garden!!! I need to just tell these ladies that I am not drinking.....but I want to drink.....
I am going to write in here daily to keep myself accountable. Why am I sabotaging myself.
I am 61 years old. I was forced into retirement last year when I lost my business. It has been some adjustment, but I am getting used to not being as busy.
If you looked at me from the outside you would think I have it all. A very loving husband, friends and family, a beautiful home. I "have it all".
But I drink. And people would say that I am a "social drinker". We are very social, my husband is the VP of a local business and we attend lots of mandatory meetings and events. And there is always drinking.
It's crazy. I workout hard, CrossFit, We eat well, healthy. I go to a girlfriend's and workout with her so that she will do it! Walk 2 miles or the 7 minute workout. Ride the bike with my dogs. Do boot camp with my husband!
As I said, we are very social. I volunteer at my church, we are involved with a community group at church, I also volunteer at a local restaurant during the summer with a friend teaching kids to cook. I have very close friends and supportive family.
I would never dream of getting up in the morning and start drinking. I go to lunch with friends and order tea. It is just 1) when we go out and 2) this stupid three hour window at home. A couple of glasses of wine while cooking dinner, or a cocktail after dinner with my husband. But my problem is that when I do drink I just lose control and don't know when to stop.
Last Sunday my husband left for San Antonio and I sat here and got trashed. Felt like crap the next day, could not go workout. Saturday we were sitting here discussing budget, traveling, selling the house and I started drinking wine around 2:00pm then moved to the Tito's and got wasted. I could not get up and go to church the next morning.
I must also say that I have microscopic colitis and I know this drinking is harming my body. Badly.....
I am starting counseling tonight!!! I have looked over the 12 steps. I admit I have a problem and am powerless. Jesus Christ is my savior.
Getting back to being social. I am trying not to drink at all this week. Made it last night. Monday nights is steak night and we usually have wine. I did not buy any. But I am on a committee for the Pink Ribbon (did I mention I had breast cancer 4 years ago) and got an email saying we are going to meet at a bar Wednesday night. The ladies in my community group are meeting Thursday at the Olive Garden!!! I need to just tell these ladies that I am not drinking.....but I want to drink.....
I am going to write in here daily to keep myself accountable. Why am I sabotaging myself.
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