Well being made a fool of is no fun
Soooo as it turns out I learned my ex has been seeing a complete loser this entire 5 month of my "healing". He is 10 years younger than her (she is 46), has 4 kids with 4 different women and works for about 12.00 an hour. What can you do? He is my daughter's boyfriends dad, I have actually had him over to my house in the past for BBQ and what not. God do I look/feel stupid. When I found out yesterday I started thinking back and realized I was such a fool not to have seen this. They were always friendly on the dreaded Facebook (I deleted a long time ago when we broke up, I figured ignorance was bliss), but finding out about it has kind of put all the pieces I had together.
Anyways I emailed her and told her what a worthless piece of shit she is and never to contact me again. She has definitely morphed into someone I dont know and dont want to know. What a fool Ive been all these months in agony, I would have rather have known the truth so I couldve gone NC right away and been 5 months into healing instead of this bullshit of helping her with her applications and giving her a shitload of my mothers furniture and stuff after she died in July. Thats the part that hurts the most, being "the last to know"...my ex inlaws obviously know but they had been texting me and ive been responding like a complete idiot.
Thankfully I can enter No Contact now with no regrets and move forward, but I did only get 2 hours sleep last night, more because Im a fool and didnt put the pieces in place. They were all there though. Now I can wrap that completed puzzle up and put it away. I wouldnt consider helping her now or the stupid idea of a reconciliation that Ive been foolishly pining for for almost half a year of my life. Those 2 deserve each other.
Anyways I emailed her and told her what a worthless piece of shit she is and never to contact me again. She has definitely morphed into someone I dont know and dont want to know. What a fool Ive been all these months in agony, I would have rather have known the truth so I couldve gone NC right away and been 5 months into healing instead of this bullshit of helping her with her applications and giving her a shitload of my mothers furniture and stuff after she died in July. Thats the part that hurts the most, being "the last to know"...my ex inlaws obviously know but they had been texting me and ive been responding like a complete idiot.
Thankfully I can enter No Contact now with no regrets and move forward, but I did only get 2 hours sleep last night, more because Im a fool and didnt put the pieces in place. They were all there though. Now I can wrap that completed puzzle up and put it away. I wouldnt consider helping her now or the stupid idea of a reconciliation that Ive been foolishly pining for for almost half a year of my life. Those 2 deserve each other.
Replies
Sorry you are going through this. It must be so painful. I hope you can stay as strong as you sound right now. Hugs
I\'m sorry. It\'s a terrible shock when you\'re the last two know. I\'ve had several experiences lately when I\'ve had to face the realization that my husband was up to no good and everyone knew it but me. Perhaps this is what they mean when they say the truth will set you free. Now that you know you are free to let go of an hope or expectation of a reconciliation. Don\'t feel badly about giving her furniture or helping her with the applications. You did what a caring person would do. It speaks to your character just as her actions speak to hers. Take care. Message me anytime if you need to vent.
Thanks Agentsmith and Missy..God what a night! Im at my desk this am and functioning on 120 minutes of sleep and a large latte haha. It is just bizarre how she pulled this shit and with this guy?? I own my own house, and my own business..raised her son since he was 2 like my own (we get along great still, he is my son for sure, hes 26 now)...he was about ready to throw up last night. The guy is just a kid in a mans body, zero intelligence, no ambition, just a user and a loser. Well whatever floats your boat. I am now in the process of getting the paperwork ready to take to the social security office. My ex has a disability that entitles my daughter to benefits of about 600/month that ive foolishly let my ex still get deposited in her account, but that is over. I have custody and talked to them this am, gotta get some paperwork from the school and the $$ goes into my account not hers. Im not letting my daughters money pay for those 2 party animal\'s nights on the town. No way.
My situation\'s a bit different than yours but I can relate to what your saying about how can she choose such a loser over you. I am very attractive, intelligent, successful, great career in the fed govt, own my own house, drive a cadillac, financially secure, perfect credit, security clearance, super honest, faithful, into fun stuff like extreme sports, shooting, etc. But this guy I\'m going through a breakup(?) with has only been with losers before me. Women who depended on him financially, who couldn\'t hold jobs for very long, if they tried at all, who weren\'t faithful, who had violent tempers, one was 20 yrs older than me, etc. I\'m like you, \"why would he throw this away? I\'m the best thing that will ever happen to him.\" I don\'t understand it either. I\'ve been sick to my stomach for 3 days straight. I have lost over 20 lbs in the past few weeks because of all the stress and inability to eat. I can\'t sleep without xanax. Crying every day. It hurts so bad.
awwwww...I hear you about the xanax :(
I was taking that too but stopped. I felt like i was getting too hooked on it and felt worse when it wore off. I was only taking maybe .75-1mg total a day for a few months or so but stopped it last week. Thats why i didnt sleep but 2 hours last night but the xanax scares me a little as its only supposed to be a temp. fix.
I hope you can/are going no contact and can find peace soon..I know its out there for all of us. This whole situation has finally put to rest any false hope I have had so at least there is that. Ive told her never contact me again so thats out of the way. Now hopefully time will do its magic and I can finally move forward. Maybe I need a hookup soon lol. How people can just lie to your face for 5 months is beyond me..and the fact I didnt put it all together is the most frustrating, like I said I wouldve much rather have known 5 months ago so I couldve been NC all the longer.
***HUGS***
I hear you about the xanax. I have a prescription due to my PTSD. I have a bottle of 20 pills which normally lasts me almost a year because I rarely ever need one. I only take .25 or maybe .5 max. But now, due to this, I\'ve been taking .25 every night and once in awhile I take .25 during the day. I worry about addiction and building a tolerance as well. I was on Ativan for 8 months after my dog died a year ago because I could not sleep. I built a tolerance and when I tried to get off it I could not sleep for days.
The same thing happened to me. We were texting back and forth from Feb to April after I told him I needed to move on (we broke up and he moved out in July 2013 so technically we weren\'t together but we were seeing each other). Didn\'t hear from him for about seven weeks, then found out he is already in a relationship. And I think on her FB page it said they were dating since Oct 2013 which means he was seeing both of us. I will probably never know because we were texting and then...nothing. He just dropped me like a bad habit. He didn\'t even have the guts to tell me. His phone was either disconnected or he changed his number. I\'m gonna go with disconnected since he didn\'t have a job. Oh and he downgraded from someone with a masters degree, two jobs, pay all my bills to someone who works at Walmart and has three kids. Not knocking on someone who works at walmart or has three kids, but maybe he needed someone more on his level. I will never understand. Sucks to be blindsided. I just hope karma is working it\'s magic for both of us!
I\'m so sorry, Coop..it is hard not to feel foolish. Anyone who really loves someone will once in a while be blindsided. It is up to you to hook up or not, but from my experience..you probably will just feel worse after.
I am so sad to hear this. It is tragic and I know a setback for you. Stay strong friend and don\'t rely on the pills any more than you need to. Focus on your self and your daughter and do Not beat yourself up. You were being a good person and a good father and trusting that your ex was doing the right things in some ways I guess. You are so much better off away from her and go NC if you can.
Hugs.
Thanks all. Yes I gave up on the Xanax last week but took 1/2 a pill earlier today just so I could sleep later. Only .125mg so just to take the edge off. I am definitely in No Contact now, my last email told her never to contact me again. It\'s just the feeling foolish for the last 5 months that irks me.
I agree a hookup might be a bad idea for all involved, maybe in a month or 2 or 3 or 6 lol. I don\'t know. Just hanging out with my daughter this afternoon and trying to cool our dogs off in this 90 degree heat. Hopefully sleep will be better later I really need some :(
Thanks all for replying this board and the people here are amazing
She made a fool of herself. She showed her true colors. I am sure it hurts and you are angry and feel betrayed. But the truth is you will be much better off without her in your life. She is toxic. Let her have him. They deserve each other. You are going to be okay in time. Be patient with yourself. It takes time.
Just know you are not alone. (((HUGS)))
coop,
Shes the fool not you ! I really belive in my heart that wont last with youre ex and that guy and u will get the last laugh ! My ex cheated on me and i think that fling of his is already over how about that! I think it will be the same for youre ex really i do!
And Its funny u said u don\'t know who she is anymore and don\'t want to know because I swear that same exact thought went thru my mind today about my ex ! I think u are makeing great progress ! Try and keep youre head up and keep moveing forward try not to look back and remember shes the fool not u !Big hug hang in there
Oh yea and I meant to mention try not to loose sleep over it unisom pm works great , and plus dont sound like shes worth looseing sleep over anymore let her loose sleep over u k !