Welcome to my Nightmare

When will I wake up from this nightmare that has become my life now.  My son is sitting in jail waiting to be sentenced for molesting my granddaughter.  I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of despair and no life boat in sight.  How did this happen?  What made it happen?  How did my son come to be in this place?  He needs help, is there really any help to be had for a sex offender. Our whole life is revolving around this situation now.  It's so stressful some days, been drinking way to much I know but I can't seem to help myself right now..  I happened upon this website and joined in.  Not sure what I hope to accomplish but I need to know that I'm not the only one in this situation.  Some days I hate myself because I didn't realize that anything was wrong, some days I hate my son as he is the molester, some days I even hate my granddaughter who is the innocent in all this, but she is the one who let the abuse continue because she wouldn't tell anyone.  My brain doesn't know which way to go.  We are in a holding pattern right now waiting to see what will happen to my son.  I know what he did was disgusting, vile, unbelievable, and more words that can fill this page, but he's my son, I created him, I love him so much.  I couldn't believe that he could do something like this.  Then I found out that he was molested by a trusted family member when he was only 7 - where the hell was I went this happened, how could I not know.