weird dream
A few years ago when T-Man when he was obviously struggling and out of control with his usage, my dreams and thoughts were all consuming about him and what we should do. I was a mess. Now? I've been able to sleep and my thoughts are not entirely focused on him like they used to be. Even with the latest news and the fact my husband and I still aren't on the same page. * I wanted to believe he was. I pressed him because I had a feeling he was saying what I wanted to hear, but I knew that when it would come to doing the tough love "thing" he couldn't do it.
Having said that - I had a strange dream. It involved my two younger sons. But before I begin I want to explain why my middle son was in my dream. In "real" life our second born revealed to us a few weeks ago that he has a drinking problem. Even though I was aware of his abusing alcohol and other drugs, in the past, I didn't think he was hooked. He seemed to move away from the drug scene too - he got his life together - he seemed very happy, pleasant to be around, more responsible, good sleeping patterns, wonderful girlfriend, and he was getting all A's in school. We never saw him drunk. He was that good at hiding it. In fact, he said that the reason he decided to tell us is - he came to a revelation while under the influence of mushrooms that he has a drinking problem! And that was the conversation we had when he told us of his concern for his younger brother - using heroin.
So last night I had a dream - which is weird because I seldom dream. Anyway, in the dream - I was in an empty room (all white) with a floor length mirror when the boys came in wheeling a red wagon filled with drugs. Heroin was in a strange form - clear liquid in a vial. I was curious and wanted to know how the boys feel when under the influence. So without their knowledge - I try it. Funny - in my dream it was more like a hallucinogen. I hated the feeling. Although it was fun to "fly" around the room - I absolutely hated it and could wait for the effects to wear off. I am not sure what the boys thought of my strange behavior, but maybe they were doing something too.
My middle son went to a AA meeting last night with a friend who was in the rock band with him in high school. My son was the lead singer. I loved that band but almost all of them had some kind of issue. At the time my son was battling depression and the friend he went to AA with last night was drinking then. Anyway, J is making some attempts. He decided he is going to handle this one his own - leaves drinking for weekends - and will go through the motions of "trying" to kinda stop. He says he not quite ready. It doesn't help that another friend of his (who lives around the corner from us) drinks heavily - which is where J spends a lot of his time. His friend is 24, lives at home, just started college last year, doesn't work and never has. He's a genius but seems to have a difficult time relating to others. J is good for him - but I don't think he's good for J.
Had a very good week teaching the art classes to the kiddos. Had a celebrity's child in my class. Funny - I couldn't say anything - like "I know who you are". I just didn't know how or what to say. I finally did. He was so friendly and nice. Silly me.
Next week I meet with the Middle School Principal about the program plans for next year. I'm not sure what he wants. I hope he wants the same programs so that we don't have to change anything. I am trying to decide if I should ask him what the deal is with the high school Principal. He used to work with him and told me he knows that the Principal doesn't want help because he wants to do things on his own. The hs principal did agree to meet with the director of the adolescent drug treatment center (that I arranged) and in that meeting the director told the principal that I wanted to talk to him. Yikes. He said a bit more than I thought he would but I was glad he did. So I email the hs principal to see if he can meet and AS USUAL - no response. I want to show him all the great stuff the h.s. can do to get more parents to attend the drug education programs and I won't give up until I do. I found out by one of the school board members that he just signed a 3 year contract! If he isn't willing to do more - than I will see if it's somehow possible to get the middle school to require parents to attend. I really don't care anymore about what parents feel about their rights being violated. According to some of the Buffalo district school members I talked to - there was little resistance - only a few that complained. I'm sorry but this about safety. Not just about their own children but for the safety of the community. The more the parents know about drug behavior, the dangers, what to do - the more they can do to make our community safer.
Having said that - I had a strange dream. It involved my two younger sons. But before I begin I want to explain why my middle son was in my dream. In "real" life our second born revealed to us a few weeks ago that he has a drinking problem. Even though I was aware of his abusing alcohol and other drugs, in the past, I didn't think he was hooked. He seemed to move away from the drug scene too - he got his life together - he seemed very happy, pleasant to be around, more responsible, good sleeping patterns, wonderful girlfriend, and he was getting all A's in school. We never saw him drunk. He was that good at hiding it. In fact, he said that the reason he decided to tell us is - he came to a revelation while under the influence of mushrooms that he has a drinking problem! And that was the conversation we had when he told us of his concern for his younger brother - using heroin.
So last night I had a dream - which is weird because I seldom dream. Anyway, in the dream - I was in an empty room (all white) with a floor length mirror when the boys came in wheeling a red wagon filled with drugs. Heroin was in a strange form - clear liquid in a vial. I was curious and wanted to know how the boys feel when under the influence. So without their knowledge - I try it. Funny - in my dream it was more like a hallucinogen. I hated the feeling. Although it was fun to "fly" around the room - I absolutely hated it and could wait for the effects to wear off. I am not sure what the boys thought of my strange behavior, but maybe they were doing something too.
My middle son went to a AA meeting last night with a friend who was in the rock band with him in high school. My son was the lead singer. I loved that band but almost all of them had some kind of issue. At the time my son was battling depression and the friend he went to AA with last night was drinking then. Anyway, J is making some attempts. He decided he is going to handle this one his own - leaves drinking for weekends - and will go through the motions of "trying" to kinda stop. He says he not quite ready. It doesn't help that another friend of his (who lives around the corner from us) drinks heavily - which is where J spends a lot of his time. His friend is 24, lives at home, just started college last year, doesn't work and never has. He's a genius but seems to have a difficult time relating to others. J is good for him - but I don't think he's good for J.
Had a very good week teaching the art classes to the kiddos. Had a celebrity's child in my class. Funny - I couldn't say anything - like "I know who you are". I just didn't know how or what to say. I finally did. He was so friendly and nice. Silly me.
Next week I meet with the Middle School Principal about the program plans for next year. I'm not sure what he wants. I hope he wants the same programs so that we don't have to change anything. I am trying to decide if I should ask him what the deal is with the high school Principal. He used to work with him and told me he knows that the Principal doesn't want help because he wants to do things on his own. The hs principal did agree to meet with the director of the adolescent drug treatment center (that I arranged) and in that meeting the director told the principal that I wanted to talk to him. Yikes. He said a bit more than I thought he would but I was glad he did. So I email the hs principal to see if he can meet and AS USUAL - no response. I want to show him all the great stuff the h.s. can do to get more parents to attend the drug education programs and I won't give up until I do. I found out by one of the school board members that he just signed a 3 year contract! If he isn't willing to do more - than I will see if it's somehow possible to get the middle school to require parents to attend. I really don't care anymore about what parents feel about their rights being violated. According to some of the Buffalo district school members I talked to - there was little resistance - only a few that complained. I'm sorry but this about safety. Not just about their own children but for the safety of the community. The more the parents know about drug behavior, the dangers, what to do - the more they can do to make our community safer.
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