Weekend Update

Booty called Spanky this weekend since juvie is still in jail.  Told him I would get us a hotel room.  Should have stuck to plans.  He called me at 20 til 2 Sunday morning and asked where I was.  Thought I would have come out to the bar but since there are more than 1 bars in town, I didn't know where he would be.  Then he asked if I got the room and if that's where i was currently sleeping.  Didn't get the room since I figured he wouldn't show.  After we talked a few, he said I could come to his house.  I drove out to BFE and got to the house.  Things were awkward at first.  I sat on one couch, and he on the other.  I got up and sat next to him and he leaned over a little like "kiss me".  I didn't respond and he goes "fine".  I then leaned over and asked "is this what you want?" and kissed him.  We kissed for a while and then he said that maybe we should go into his room so the dogs wouldn't bother us.  We kissed more in his room and then his phone rang.  It was his neighbor who also happens to be Rayna's Uncle.  Did Spank realize we were sitting in front of the picture window that faced her Uncle's house while we were making out?  Don't think he did.   Anyway... he tells me that they might be coming over in a few and that he told them I was his cousin.  Nice...I asked if we should stop doing what we were doing and if I should leave.  He said no and we proceeded to have sex.  Rushed sex.  Not the awesome, mind blowing sex we usually have.  We hopped in the shower and went next door.  Then everybody came back to Spanks to play a card game.  Rayna's Unc and friend Adam kept telling me how awesome I was and that they have never met anyonce in Spanky's family that was so cool.  Her Unc kept praising Spanky about how "faithful" he is to Rayna and how much he must really love her.  BULLSHIT!!!! If he only knew the TRUTH!!!!  Things only got ugly from there.  I ended up getting pissed off and walked outside.  Adam kept coming to check on me and SPank came out once but he was not happy with me at all.  I went back inside and told Adam it was time for him to go home.  He wanted to talk.  I couldn't take it anymore and I fessed up to him.  I told him that I wasn't Spank's cousin and that I was in love with him.  He realized it a while later while we were talking and he went to pee.  All the sudden he goes "damn girl! You ARE in love with him".  He said that I had to be since I didn't check out his package at all.  He told me that Spanky must still feel things for me if he wants to keep me around.  He said what we have is small but given the right time and nurturing it could blow up real big.  He told me to do what I need to do and let Spank do what he needs to do and it will all work out.  I told him that Spanky couldn't marry Rayna or it will all be destroyed!  He then told me to "take what i want". He said to go back nextdoor and get in bed with Spanky and hold him.  Don't let him go.  I went back next door and he was on the couch.  I kissed him and thought he'd wake up but he was long gone.  I sat with him and ran my fingers thru his hair, rubbed his sweaty forehead, kissed him occasionally and put my hand inside his and my arm around his waist. At one point my arm was higher on his chest and he took his free arm and moved it back down to his waist.  He never woke up.  I read 2 letters that Rayna has written him from jail and neither one of them say that she misses him and can't wait to be back in his arms in their house.  She doesn't love him.  She is using him to her advantage.  I could only hope that if he proposes she says no and that she doesnt want to rush it.  I wrote him a letter to tell him one more time that I loved him and nothing mattered more to me than having him in my life.  I told him that he made me happy and that he can give me what i need, him.  I hope he read the letter instead of throwing it away.  Nothing I can do now but wait.  She gets out of jail on Jan 4th, after Christmas and New Years but right before his b-day.  Makes me sad!  I probably won't hear from him again.  When I left, it was like saying goodbye forever like the feeling I had when I knew it was the last time I was going to see his kids.  I don't want it to be over.  I feel that much love for him! He is all I have ever wanted and more.  Why can't fate be nice to me this time and give me what I have been longing for?  Have I been that awful? Do I not deserve to love whom I choose?  I could be good for him and I know he is good for me.  What is so wrong with that? I HATE playing this guessing and waiting game!