Weekend flew

The weekend flew by.  I kept myself busy.  Roomie tried to get physically close to me on Sat but I looked at him firmly and said "No", and "You always want it when it's convienient for you".  I couldn't believe those words came out of my mouth.  He replied "It's not like I have much say in the matter".  He was referring to his physical problem.  I believe he said this to make me feel guilty.

He has good medical benefits at Mayo and until he tells me he's gone to the doctor and can't take the meds to help his "problem", I don't think he's done everything he can to help.  He continues to smoke and the drinking doesn't help it either.  I felt guilty and then angry for feeling guilty.

I have made an appt with a actual pychiatrist.  I'm hoping they can help get me on the right meds or tell me I'm not as crazy as I feel.  My second job starts Thursday.  He asked me if I was excited about the second job in which I replied " No, I'm not excited of having to work a full time and a part time job", but one must do what they need to to eat and save for the future.  I think I'm right in thinking that I can't rely on anyone but myself and I need to get out on my own somehow.  

He tried to make amends and cooked dinner last night. I remain firm and continue to sleep in the other bedroom.  I can't send confusing signals.  I'm no longer in denial. It's all still awkward.