week away from 2 months

Why does that scare me?   2 months, time going by, he's getting further away from me.  I'm not crying every day and I feel guilty about that.   I think I ran out of water.  I miss him every minute, every day.  We had such a strong marriage and knew we loved each other so much, yet I'm wondering if I told him enough, showed it enough.  Married 32 years we had some rough spots and I'm questioning them too!  Did I waste time, if I had only known, should I have done things different.  Sometimes I feel like my mind is going in circles.  Get me off this ride, I don't like it!