Wednesday,tired,but rested and feeling a little stronger

Good morning journal,the time is now 8:40am,I have been awake for around forty minutes and I am now on my first cup of coffee of the day after a night of uninterrupted,and for the most part,dreamless sleep,I feel tired but rested and I feel a little stronger physically,but there is still a long time to go until bedtime again,and things can change for me quickly,and frequently do,so we'll see how the rest of today turns out. Still haven't managed to get to a bank to open up a new account,I was just too tired yesterday to move far from my favorite chair for long,so hopefully today I will manage to get it done,it will just take a little effort on my part. I get tired easily these days,it is just something that happens more quickly than it used to,and it leaves me feeling like a wet rag doll with it's stuffing soaking wet,my legs won't work for me,and the rest of my body joins in,leaving me mostly incapable of doing much. Tomorrow morning,I have my appointment with my doctor,it is something we go through every month,he asks me how I'm doing,I tell him,and he sends me away with a fresh prescription and always with the farewell remark,"see you in a month,unless you need me before then". Next week,I return to my pulmonary rehab classes,this week my forced absence from them has not had a good effect on me physically,it almost feels as if I will be starting over,just as I was beginning to enjoy them,oh well,it is what it is I suppose. As I sit here at my desk,Caesar,our giant puppy,has just wandered into our lounge wondering where daddy has gone,he has terrible separation anxiety,if he can't see one or both of us he thinks we've left him,however after a rough ear rub and a kiss on the muzzle,he has now gone to his customary place of vigilance on our sofa,he can see me at my desk,and as long as that remains the case,he is one happy dog,but if I go to make coffee or to the toilet,he comes with me,one hundred pounds plus of pure mush!,but we love him dearly. My voices are a little more active this morning than they have been over the past few days,Jeremiah is still speaking of this message that I'm supposed to get,I have a feeling that I'm getting very close to finding out what he means,whatever the message is,I am convinced that it will change my life for the better,I do not think after all this time that my voices mean me harm,so I am content to wait until Jeremiah,Ruth and Micah reveal what they want me to know,or I discover it myself,I sense that if I do discover what they mean before they tell me they will let me know. I rarely talk about my voices unless I'm asked,but when I do,I am neither ashamed or embarrassed,but I know that people become uncomfortable about it,unless your my wife,who takes it her stride as she does with most things in life,but other people,and I include my doctor and probably every health professional I have seen over the past eighteen months to two years,become a little ill at ease when I speak about them,well that's their problem not mine. When people speak about mental illness,there is still a tendency to whisper it in the presence of the person who is mentally ill,first of all,I am deaf so why whisper it?,and secondly,I don't need my ears in to lip read what your saying. Even now,in the twenty first century,and with all the advances in the medical world,there is still a stigma attached to mental illness and those who suffer from it,I am still the same man that I was before I became ill,I'm just a little different in my head now,mental illness is not contagious,you can't catch it from me,and if you maintain eye contact with me for more than a second or two you will not suffer any lasting effects,nor do you have to speak to the person with me as if I am incapable of understanding you,they do not have to translate for me,I have been speaking fluent English for more than fifty seven years,speak to me directly,I am mentally ill,I'm not stupid. I will admit however,that when my voices are as active as they are this morning,I can and do become confused and disorientated,which is annoying and more than a little disconcerting,but if you are patient and take the time to perhaps repeat what you are trying to say,then eventually I will get it,my wife especially is very,very good at taking her time and letting me slowly realize what she is trying to say,it may take slightly longer than normal,but eventually I will understand. Well journal,that is enough for now,time to get off my soap box,I've had my little rant for this morning,time for fresh coffee and to get on with the day ahead,until next time then,may Jesus walk with us once more,and may His love and peace fill our hearts and our home again,another day has to be lived,let us live with God in our corner and hope in our souls.