Wednesday morning,sitting in the darkness

Good morning journal,the time is now 7:30am and I am awake and,for the moment,I am sitting in the darkness of our lounge with only our three dogs for company,plus a sleeping wife on our sofa.I was awakened at 6:30am by the same ferocious and debilitating pain in my left shoulder and neck area as I have suffered for the past few days now,I have no idea of the cause of it,I only know that it leaves me fighting for breath and takes a long time to go,perhaps I will mention it to my doctor on my next visit.Yesterday morning when the pain hit,at exactly the same time strangely enough,I managed to go back to sleep but this morning I gave up after about fifteen minutes and headed for the kitchen to make coffee.Sitting here in the silence minus my hearing aids,I am once again reminded of the feeling of peace and serenity that only a deaf person can truly experience and understand,the world is slowly beginning to wake and come to life,and yet,you seem to be totally separate and apart from everything that inhabits that same world,cocooned in a silent bubble of protectiveness,totally safe from penetration.yet aware of everything around you,a very surreal experience,but one that only a deaf person can really understand.As I sit here trying to think of something to write about,I am bereft of anything new to report,we have heard from nobody concerning my treatment(s),nor do I expect to,I guess that after days or weeks of inactivity from the people and organizations that are supposed to be doing something to make things a little easier concerning my health and our financial situation,you sort of settle on a plateau of disinterest and acceptance of things and circumstances,it seems easier rather than face new disappointment with every new day.What will happen will happen,there is nothing I can do to speed things up or influence whatever decisions that will be made,so I have decided that all we can do is sit and wait for however long it takes,and hope,and pray,that things get easier,both with my health and our financial situation,but I can't help feeling that time is running out for both my health and our dire financial position at an increasingly rapid rate of knots.It gets more difficult to maintain any feelings of optimism on a daily basis when every day results in nothing happening,and when you are confronted by either walls of silence or a series of answers to your questions being "I don't know",it does begin to dismantle any feelings of positivity you may have begun to build.Well journal,enough for now,it is time for me to leave and try and get through today the best way I know how,who knows?,we might hear something from somebody,I won't hold my breath,it isn't good for a COPD sufferer,may God continue to walk with us,until next time,may His peace and love be uppermost in our lives.