Wednesday morning,halfway through another week

Good morning journal,the time is now 9:17am and I have been awake for around an hour and a half.Now on my second mug of coffee of the day,I've decided to come here and see what,if anything,appears on the page before me courtesy of my industrious fingers and my blankness of mind.Sometimes,when I sit at my desk,much like I am now,I have nothing to say as such,no earth shattering news or pearls of wisdom,but just sometimes, something will start to take shape on the screen,irrespective of what I happen to be thinking or my state of mind or mood.All I have done in the past few days has involved resting up and trying to recover some of the energy I have used in the past two weeks,I have uploaded some photographs of our canine children to my profile,or rather my wife has as I am somewhat inept in the technical department of exactly what my computer can do and how I can make it do it,what can I tell you,I'm a dinosaur.On the other hand, my wife is quite the whiz kid about matters relating to the internet and computers in general,so I'm very fortunate to have her in my corner as regards anything other than e-mail,writing my journal and generally surfing. My mood over the past few days has fluctuated between feeling just okay to periods of deflation and a flatness that I find hard to describe,I seem to have settled on a plateau of what seems to be indifference to my surroundings or the world in general,and I find it increasingly difficult to respond to any stimuli or events which would normally provoke some reaction from me,instead,I seem to be cocooned in a bubble of total separation from things and people,and I have been so tired despite sleeping well and often.My appetite has once again been nothing to write home about,and I find food bland and unappealing,I seem to have lost the ability to taste whatever may be on my plate,resulting in me picking at things and generally playing with my food much as a child does when he or she is not particularly hungry or enamored by whatever is in front of them.Perhaps my current state of seemingly perpetual disinterest is something to do with the fact that I have been so busy over the last two weeks,and now,I seem to be in a sort of limbo,I have done all I can as regards my treatments and official form filling and now we are in that waiting period where we can do no more for now except be patient.My ability to put my feelings and thoughts into words has always been a great source of release and comfort to me,yes,there are times recently where I have struggled to do just that,but when I do manage to explain what's going on in my head,I know that it helps me and,hopefully,the people that I love understand a little of exactly where I'm at,so to speak.What about the voices I hear you ask?,well,they are still there,sometimes more persistent than at other times,but I sense them every day,no matter if they speak to me or not.The strangest thing is,over the past three months or so,I have had no desire for alcohol,I know that the funds to buy any have not been there,but,whether or not the money has been there in the past I have still desired booze,even craved it at times,but recently the desire seems to have been removed,or at least lessened to such a degree that I am able to truly say,"I don't feel like a drink today". Perhaps my voices have helped in this,I know that some time in the future I would like,when finances permit,to be able to sit down and enjoy a beer again,but for now,I seem to have had some sort of epiphany that enables me to get through a day comfortably without craving or desiring alcohol whatsoever,now,that may not seem all that great a thing to people who do not know me well,but to those who do,it is a major difference in the man they know,alcohol takes away my pain and lets me escape from reality for a while,and I used it frequently,but today,I am content to just get through the day sober,no matter what happens in the hours I am awake,as I said,I will have a beer when the finances and an improvement in our circumstances permit,but until then,I am reasonably settled and satisfied with how I live my days.Well journal,enough of my rambling for now,it is time to get on with living,so,until next time,may God continue to walk with us.