Wednesday eve
My time with Hunter went by very fast and it seemed like I spent a lot of time in the car but in saying that, it was so good to see him and hug his neck. He is definitely a "mini me" of Jennifer. He seems to be happy and says "things are good" even though I will never consider Clovis my home. He was born in Riverside, but then again he's 14. We talked a lot about his mom, questions he had were answered and we even had some laughs about his mom. It was good to be able to talk about Jennifer but as you all know, very emotional and I am still exhausted. I feel like I am truly walking a fine line on sane & insane right now. I also know I'm tired which makes me feel like that. (it's early to bed tonite) We have another 3 day week-end which I am taking Tuesday off also so it will be nice to just BE.
Hunter is taller than me, now and looks 14. He has a quick sense of wit, and has no problem expressing himself. We went to the movies in riverside and I just kept seeing his mom everywhere and I made the comment that I stay away from places that will trigger my sadness. Hunter said, "Yahya, you can't allow your past to dictate your future"....hmmm to be 14 again! There is truth to that but didn't really want to hear it. LOL
Tuesday after work, I met with Amy, at National Cremation, to set up my arrangements and where Jennifer had paid for her cremation. Well, anyway, Amy talked and talked about Jennifer and how Jennifer would stop by to say "hi" and they would talk fashion, parent problems, and her cancer. In saying that, Amy is recovering from Guillian Bare Syndrome and with tears in her eyes, she said I can't complain about my pain because Jennifer never complained and was always so positive. Amy said, your daughter made such an impact on my life and I loved to see her and laugh with her. With tears on my face, I was smiling. How wonderful it was to talk about my daughter with someone who listened to me and had her own stories to share....SIGH.....SIGH.....loved and hated it at the same time....before Jennifer died she had her thumb prints and hand prints done (I have jewelry with these, as well as Hunter) Anyway, Amy gave me a copy of Jennifer's handprints.....how great is that!!!! They will be part of Hunter's photo album that I am working on but I find myself just putting my hand on her handprint....If I close my eyes, I can feel Jennifer....oh how I wish she was here....miss her so much.
I just wanted to update you all on my week-end. Always remembering your children with you!!
(((((hug))))) Vicki
Hunter is taller than me, now and looks 14. He has a quick sense of wit, and has no problem expressing himself. We went to the movies in riverside and I just kept seeing his mom everywhere and I made the comment that I stay away from places that will trigger my sadness. Hunter said, "Yahya, you can't allow your past to dictate your future"....hmmm to be 14 again! There is truth to that but didn't really want to hear it. LOL
Tuesday after work, I met with Amy, at National Cremation, to set up my arrangements and where Jennifer had paid for her cremation. Well, anyway, Amy talked and talked about Jennifer and how Jennifer would stop by to say "hi" and they would talk fashion, parent problems, and her cancer. In saying that, Amy is recovering from Guillian Bare Syndrome and with tears in her eyes, she said I can't complain about my pain because Jennifer never complained and was always so positive. Amy said, your daughter made such an impact on my life and I loved to see her and laugh with her. With tears on my face, I was smiling. How wonderful it was to talk about my daughter with someone who listened to me and had her own stories to share....SIGH.....SIGH.....loved and hated it at the same time....before Jennifer died she had her thumb prints and hand prints done (I have jewelry with these, as well as Hunter) Anyway, Amy gave me a copy of Jennifer's handprints.....how great is that!!!! They will be part of Hunter's photo album that I am working on but I find myself just putting my hand on her handprint....If I close my eyes, I can feel Jennifer....oh how I wish she was here....miss her so much.
I just wanted to update you all on my week-end. Always remembering your children with you!!
(((((hug))))) Vicki
Replies
This is so special, visiting those precious memories in real life! Hunter sounds like an awesome child, a real blessing. It is amazing how pain and grief can eventually bring forth the most valuable treasures: precious, beautiful memories!
Loving hugs! xxx
I am so glad you got to see Hunter! It is nice to know a part of our kids still lives on. We are blessed to have them. It is sometimes bittersweet, yet still, I am grateful that we have that. Enjoy your time off. Love Lauri
Hey Vicki,
Thanks for sharing this about your weekend w/ Hunter. He\'s an intelligent & perceptive young man. I know you\'re so proud of him & Jennifer is, too! How lucky you are to have this precious grandson & he is lucky to have you, too!!!
Hope the afterglow of his visit stays w/ you as you wind up your work week. Enjoy your long weekend!
Hugs to you & Jennifer,
Donna
Feels as if it was a time of love and heart connecting and yes, that can be both wonderful and tiring too. Grateful you have a long weekend to look forward to.
Hunter sounds like an incredible young man and oh, to be fourteen again... On the cusp of so many things and needs the foundation that his Yahya brings. He will never forget these visits nor will you.
Hoping these next two days will fly and sending lots of love to you and your darling Jennifer. What a gift to have those hand and thumb prints... She was, IS and forever will BE your precious daughter.
XO Joanie
It is a thin line we walk trying to balance things... Being tired does not help and it sounds as though you had a very full weekend of gifts. Trying to balance it all is courageous! You succeeded, now get some rest!
What a weekend of emotions. That Hunter sounds like a great teenager, and mature. He had some good advice about not letting the past dictate our future. At the same time remembering & treasuring the past.
Baby steps Vicki....one baby step at a time. You are doing it & we are still with you and we understand how difficult it can be. It touched my heart thinking about you touching Jennifer\'s handprint & feeling her.
Hunter is becoming a true credit to you and Jennifer. Hoping that the joy you felt will linger in your heart. Hugs, Kathy
It sounds like you had a great time. Hunter sounds like a real jewel.
sending tight hugs
Penny