Wednesday

Hello Soths,

I really just need to ramble, talk if you will, to clear my head a little and lighten my heart. I don't need to tell you, Mother's Day is just around the corner. TV commercials remind me, co-workers talk about it, and my memories flood my head every time. I thought I had it this year...I know I would be sad but I didn't want this dark cloud to hover, like it's doing. The dark cloud with sadness, what if's, I wish, jealousy, envious.......what happened to me? The person that loved life, loved people, was always so happy for others, not jealous or envious of anyone....What happened?

I met a lady through Make A Wish who is a nurse and who reviews medical records for attorney's. I mentioned a few things that happened in the hospital that I know was wrong and I know that Jennifer's Dr. was clearly out of his element but yet continued to treat her as she was becoming more and more lethargic. Anyway, she said if I could get those records, she would review them and let me know what she thinks. This is a business for her so I trust her opinion. I'm not looking for $$$$, however in saying that, if something was wrong as I remember, I want it "righted".....for Hunter. Will it bring her back, absolutely not, but I have to try and meeting her, not knowing what she did, is a god wink, that I am following up on.

I requested her medical records with the nurse's notes (I received medical records a while ago, but no nurses notes.) - Now they are requesting a letter stating Jennifer had no will, deed, or life insurance policy and I am the sole heir to her estate....She rented, had no life insurance policy and certainly didn't have a will or deed....anyway, I wrote the letter stating all that and that I'm her mother. Clearly they can see that, as when she was in the hospital, I was signing this and that without them questioning who I was, assuming I was the mother. SIGH

As you know, doing something like this always tugs at my heart, reality slaps you in the face and heart, but I feel I have to do this.

I know I'm rambling, but that's what is going on with me....lost in a ton of memories, wishing and hoping my mom and Jennifer would come walking around that corner to say "hi"......sure need them.

Hugs to you today.....thanking you in advance for reading & understanding with your heart. Vicki, always Jennifer's mom