Weathered the abusive "talk"

I am stronger than I'd ever imagine I'd be considering my circumstances.  Middle son didn't come home right away after he said he needed to go back to his ex-girlfriend's house to download something from the laptop of hers he borrowed.  Time went by and no show.  I was concerned because he's been rather fragile lately since the break up. Drinking increased two-fold and he told me he was very depressed so I set him up with a few counselors (with substance abuse backgrounds).  
Well - last night he found out that his new ex has been dating and that threw him over the edge.  Long story, short - I call him and he texted me and said that he was just going to go to school directly from her house. Suspicious I contact his ex and she said he was drinking and sleeping in "his" car (really his dad's) around her neighborhood somewhere.  So I drive there and find him, with doors locked, parked and sleeping in her driveway.  I pound on the door and wake him.  He threw verbal assaults at me but I managed to get him up and into our other car.  Left the car there.  Next morning he gets up, I drive him to get the car, and he drives off to school.  Like nothing happened.  I realized today, however, is I should have left him there to face his day.  Maybe with the girlfriend's dad pounding on the window instead.  I'm new at this with this one.  I didn't hesitate to "rescue" him because I have a good relationship with him.  He isn't like T.  And he's trying in school and......  I know.  I know I have to make sure that I don't enable him or make excuses for him.  It's just hard sometimes.
Then T-Man wouldn't get up for school.   Claims he had a sore throat.  Okay - missing this two part class isn't the best thing to do but "Oh well - his choice".  So later when I come home from work he asks me for cigarettes.  No way.  I do "reward" him cigs when he goes to school and that's it - no exceptions.  I held my ground despite the fact that he was becoming louder and more verbally abusive.  Yelling and screaming and swearing.  I guess he figured I would budge.  Then he starts pulling the "woe is me" card and telling me he's so depressed and stressed because of all the community hours he has to do and all the money he has to make for his court fees.  He claims I didn't give him enough time (announced over a month ago that we weren't going to pay his fees).  Husband wasn't keen on the idea but supported me but did whatever he could and found an opportunity for T to work for my husband's friend.  Easy work.  Flexible hours.  For 1 1/2 of the only community hours our son did was with my husband.  The other "work" like moving books at our local art gallery/shop/studio wasn't appealing to T so he won't do them.  Oh - then it gets funny.  Although I know I shouldn't have been trying to remind him to make plans to do his community service hours - I did - and now he's blaming me for nagging him about it.  I had stopped weeks before but everything is my fault.  
Yesterday - with the new whipped cream can empty - was an "in my face" reminder that he's very sick.  Oh my poor boy.  I can "only" pray.  I know that in itself is powerful and that he's in God's hands .....