Wearing Black Today
In a few hours I will get out of bed, go to my closet and pull on black clothes. I have a lot of it (slimming doncha know) but it will be a conscious choice today. Because today is a day of mourning.
Every day a child, teen, or adult is bullied or harassed in ways that damage the soul so profoundly that they will carry the scars of that wound for the rest of their lives. The pain of that wound will impact how they relate to others, how they love, how they perceive themselves, how they cope. The echoes of violence will touch everyone they know because we are changed by this kind of hurt.
In New Jersey, at a large, respected, more-liberal-than-conservative university, a young gifted manchild Tyler Clementi was driven to kill himself because his roomate thought nothing of invading his privacy and outed him to the world by recording then broadcasting a sexual encounter over the internet.
A shy and talented violinist threw himself over the George Washington bridge to escape the taunting that followed those broadcasts. And maybe also because he wasn't ready to be out, at that age I wasn't.
I attended a large private high school and was accused at one point of kissing another girl in full sight of the "witnesses" who reported us. I was suspended, my parents were called to school and made to account for my "behaviour," I was grilled by the school disciplinarian and principal and they threatened and degraded and belittled until I was sobbing. They decided I was to be pulled from all extracurricular activities, and my schedule was to be shifted so the other girl and I were no longer in the same classes or homeroom. The next day when the band teacher and the tennis coach were questioned about our whereabouts at the time of the supposed kiss we were "exonerated" but only because the teachers swore I was on a doubles court running my arse off and she was waaaaaaaaaaaaay over on the football field with her flute.
When I figured out that for me it's a person more than parts that define attraction and desire and love I remembered all that nonsense from high school (and damn all that bs for someone who SO was NOT my type!) and I was shit scared. I was lucky that I had good friends and trustworthy adults in my life. But the decision to come out was mine and it was hard. It was good for me and important, but damn it was hard.
I can't imagine someone taking that choice out of my hands, someone recording me and my chosen partner being intimate and putting it on Facebook, or Myspace or YouTube or whatever, and having to deal with the fallout of everyone in my life seeing me that vulnerable, when I thought I was safe and sharing something private with someone I trusted.
So a manchild is dead, and I am reminded how fragile innocence, safety, and trust can be. I mourn the loss of a young man's life. All that he may have been, and all those who may have been enriched by his presence in their lives. I mourn the loss of a son and friend, and my heart is heavy with knowing that there is a void in the lives of those who'd been enriched by his presence.
I am reminded; and I will raise my voice against homophobia, heterosexism, bullies, invasions of privacy, and cruelty.
Today, I wear black.
Every day a child, teen, or adult is bullied or harassed in ways that damage the soul so profoundly that they will carry the scars of that wound for the rest of their lives. The pain of that wound will impact how they relate to others, how they love, how they perceive themselves, how they cope. The echoes of violence will touch everyone they know because we are changed by this kind of hurt.
In New Jersey, at a large, respected, more-liberal-than-conservative university, a young gifted manchild Tyler Clementi was driven to kill himself because his roomate thought nothing of invading his privacy and outed him to the world by recording then broadcasting a sexual encounter over the internet.
A shy and talented violinist threw himself over the George Washington bridge to escape the taunting that followed those broadcasts. And maybe also because he wasn't ready to be out, at that age I wasn't.
I attended a large private high school and was accused at one point of kissing another girl in full sight of the "witnesses" who reported us. I was suspended, my parents were called to school and made to account for my "behaviour," I was grilled by the school disciplinarian and principal and they threatened and degraded and belittled until I was sobbing. They decided I was to be pulled from all extracurricular activities, and my schedule was to be shifted so the other girl and I were no longer in the same classes or homeroom. The next day when the band teacher and the tennis coach were questioned about our whereabouts at the time of the supposed kiss we were "exonerated" but only because the teachers swore I was on a doubles court running my arse off and she was waaaaaaaaaaaaay over on the football field with her flute.
When I figured out that for me it's a person more than parts that define attraction and desire and love I remembered all that nonsense from high school (and damn all that bs for someone who SO was NOT my type!) and I was shit scared. I was lucky that I had good friends and trustworthy adults in my life. But the decision to come out was mine and it was hard. It was good for me and important, but damn it was hard.
I can't imagine someone taking that choice out of my hands, someone recording me and my chosen partner being intimate and putting it on Facebook, or Myspace or YouTube or whatever, and having to deal with the fallout of everyone in my life seeing me that vulnerable, when I thought I was safe and sharing something private with someone I trusted.
So a manchild is dead, and I am reminded how fragile innocence, safety, and trust can be. I mourn the loss of a young man's life. All that he may have been, and all those who may have been enriched by his presence in their lives. I mourn the loss of a son and friend, and my heart is heavy with knowing that there is a void in the lives of those who'd been enriched by his presence.
I am reminded; and I will raise my voice against homophobia, heterosexism, bullies, invasions of privacy, and cruelty.
Today, I wear black.
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