weary

I am soo exhausted today. I love going to my parents house because I can relax a bit more - my own neighborhood is scary - but I hate going because inevitably I start feeling like a bad parent. It doesn't help that I've had to stay with them before, when things were in much more of an upheaval in my life. They really made me feel like a rebellious teenager as they took over parenting my kids then. They haven't forgotten. Am I a horrible parent? Ryan got in trouble and was suspended for a week at the parks and rec where he goes for childcare last Tuesday. He had to stay at my parents for a few days because they live too far for me to be driving him back and forth every day. He was just so good for them, by my mom's report, but for me, well, as soon as I bring him back home he starts acting out. Emotionally. Beating up his brother and throwing things around. Why? Is it me? I realize that I resort to games and puzzles to dull my mind, my emotions. I grow weary, unhappy, and I distract myself to block it out. It's not really dealing with my frusterations. I'll also go into daydreaming sessions, where I create one of my millions of universes and mentally put myself into the center of it (It's good to have no faults, isn't it?). Of course I have to deal with reality too, that I'm perpetually behind work at my job, making stupid oversight screw-ups, that my house is total chaos on a daily basis, that I'm poor as dirt and don't even have my stuff together enough to apply for benefits so that I can keep giving my kids meds. I'm so tired of being alone. I can't even relate to most people, it seems all conversations peter out within a few minutes, like I'm not really connecting with anyone else around me. their stuff doesn't interest me enough to keep thinking up more questions, and I don't know how much to reveal of myself either. But back to parenting. How does a single mom parent? How does a single mom with ADD parent a pre-teen girl with a strong potential bipolar (who has never in the past 8 years gotten over her dad), a nine-year old with a very bad case of ADHD and enough moodiness to possibly have bipolar, and a seven-year old with ADD who is twice as stubborn as a mule and thinks he's about 3? How is it that they are good for my parents, but ignore my every word, even under threat of spank? I am so worried that my older son will grow up to land in jail because of his temper. I am so afraid my daughter will get taken for a ride by some abusive man. I am so afraid that Christopher will grow up to having no opportunities in life because he refuses to apply himself now to anything scholastic. And I know I cannot carry the entire burden of turning them in the right direction alone. I am so exhausted.

Replies

debiwebby
debiwebby

Oh honey, I have been where you are, and still feel that way sometimes. I have often wondered what in the world God was thinking when he gave me, an ADHD mom, children with the same disorder and expected me to teach them how to do the things I cannot even do for myself!

YOU are not a failure, sweetie. And neither are your kids. I\'d be willing to be that one of your parents had ADD as well and maybe doesn\'t even know it. But it\'s VERY hereditary. How sad that they have never let you forget your past \"failure.\"

I know of some really great websites and books that are a TREMENDOUS help to me. The best one is CelebrateCalm.com, then there\'s ADDitudemag.com or .org, I can\'t remember, and then books by Dr. Ned Hallowell. He focuses on seeing the POSTIVE sides of ADD and helps you feel much better about yourself and your kids. I read his book Delivered From Distraction and it was so encouraging. I have learned from that that I don\'t have to be a neat FREAK, but I can be neat ENOUGH, organized ENOUGH, a little LESS late to everything, and have come to accept myself a lot better.

Looking forward to getting to know you better. :)