we will see.......

Yesterday J popped in after being gone for awhile. He came over to me, kissed me on the forehead, and said he was going up to the park to play soccer.  Then he said he'll be back later to talk.  What? I know he has a plan after talking with his friends - how he can "explain" himself - sorry honey - it won't fly this time 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I can see I am \"stuck\" in my process with my son, all I can focus on is that you got a kiss on the forehead. i haven\'t had a display of affection in four years from my son, I think I would melt if it happened.
Anyway, yes you are correct to be very cautious. Brace yourself and good luck.
deleted_user
deleted_user

OK, here\'s my two cents on the approach.....I hope the \"talk\" includes your husband...he should be present -- ask that J talk/share with both of you at the same time and schedule a time within 24 hours. Give your husband a heads up on this and encourage each other to put on your \"listening ears and resist the urge to challenge or correct him (that was a skill that took practice for me....). At the end if it is just pure BS, tell him so in as few words as possible; restate the conditions you had before (drug test then too?); then walk away to discuss what J had to say privately between the 2 of you. Sleep on any decisions or ultimatums and schedule a time to get back to J with both of you present. In the long run, a calm united front will reinforce what ever you need to say to J. Also, this approach may give you better support from your husband......and hopefully encourage J to engage differently (rather than disappear ). This seems to be a rehash of last summer\'s issues? ....I am thinking of you and hoping for positive outcomes/interventions!!!!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user

Ah the manipulation and planning of an addict mind...it just blows you away. I like Penpal\'s idea of the united calm front. It sounds like you are prepared though and in a good place to not put up with lies, etc. I hope things go well. My heart goes out to you! Stay strong.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I know he loves you, all I can say is REALLY listen to what he says. I believe if not apparent, he does want and need you to understand things he\'s going through. He doesn\'t want to lose his parents love, this is probably the biggest fear he has. As far as the addiction, the phsyical need is very painful, he might just surprise you and ask you to find a doctor for help. My prayers are with you.