We told our youngest son.
I just posted this as a thread on the Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity board and decided to put it here as well to save it before it slips away into the archive stratosphere.
"I have been meaning to post about this because I asked the question a few months back if we should tell our youngest son about my A's. The consensus was to at least wait until after his graduation from HS, which we did. We have been talking about this for a while and we decided it was in everyone's best interest, including his, to tell him the truth because there was just too much that he already knew and we had no idea in what way he was filling in the blanks in his head, plus he was the only person in the household that did not know the full truth. It was hard for me, but Cole and I did it together. Cole had things he wanted to say but we decided I would tell my own story myself. He pretty much knew or had surmised for himself almost everything I did except the actual A itself. When I tried to tell him that part I kept choking up so Cole helped me out and when the A word was spoken I saw the look of surprise flash over his face. We talked a lot. He said more than I thought he would. Told us the things he had noticed and the things he had wondered about. We told him about all we have done in this year of R, a lot of which he has seen for himself. In the end he said he is proud of us for the hard work we have put into rebuilding and healing. Cole also got in some good discussion with him about his upcoming move to college and the temptations and trials he will face there. He is a very private boy so it was good to share openly with him and have him open up to us as much as he did. Overall, I think it went really well."
"I have been meaning to post about this because I asked the question a few months back if we should tell our youngest son about my A's. The consensus was to at least wait until after his graduation from HS, which we did. We have been talking about this for a while and we decided it was in everyone's best interest, including his, to tell him the truth because there was just too much that he already knew and we had no idea in what way he was filling in the blanks in his head, plus he was the only person in the household that did not know the full truth. It was hard for me, but Cole and I did it together. Cole had things he wanted to say but we decided I would tell my own story myself. He pretty much knew or had surmised for himself almost everything I did except the actual A itself. When I tried to tell him that part I kept choking up so Cole helped me out and when the A word was spoken I saw the look of surprise flash over his face. We talked a lot. He said more than I thought he would. Told us the things he had noticed and the things he had wondered about. We told him about all we have done in this year of R, a lot of which he has seen for himself. In the end he said he is proud of us for the hard work we have put into rebuilding and healing. Cole also got in some good discussion with him about his upcoming move to college and the temptations and trials he will face there. He is a very private boy so it was good to share openly with him and have him open up to us as much as he did. Overall, I think it went really well."
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