We Switched Days Because Of The Upcoming Snow

I came in and she asked me if I’m glad we switched days because as she listened to the forecast it looks like tomorrow will be too bad to come in.  Yes and I thanked her for switching days with me and said how I’m always on top of things.  She said she’s calling people to reschedule already.  I asked her if she comes in if it’s real bad.  No, people usually cancel and she doesn’t expect people to come in when it’s real bad – they shouldn’t do that.    I told her I want to talk about a couple things before we do the things that’s in the bag I had with me.  First, I told her we never talked about what happened with my friend.  She said, yes, she meant to ask me about that.  I asked her what she thought:  did she show up or not.  She said no.  Right – she didn’t.  Then she called me yesterday – 4 days later and apologized.  She said something about her daughter being in the emergency room 3 times and the medicine she’s on.  She’s on oxycoton and probably that made her think of her sister which made her think of me and that’s probably why she called.  When she told me about the Prednisone I knew about it and that’s when she said to me how much she misses me.  My therapist asked me how that made me feel.  Like if she missed me so much why aren’t we friends like we used to be.    But I said I’m over that not – over her.  I see how she treated me (people) and I don’t want to get back into that.  She said how I’ve grown.  Yes but she’s such a good sales person if she did it again I would probably get back into it.  But what she does is wrong.  My therapist knows.  We had a normal conversation – very nice but she ended with her dog was choking and then she was gone.  Actually once the doctor called her, she hung up and surprisingly did call me back.  Then I said I wanted to start where we left off last time.  About me be controlling.  It’s not in a bad way.  It’s not like ‘my way or no way’.  It’s just in a take charge way and I don’t think that’s bad.  I asked her if it was.  She said no but in families that one is such a take charge person the others tend to be slackers and I said that’s the way it is in my house.  Yes.  I told her Sunday I’ll try that experiment.  My granddaughter won’t be there so it’ll be quieter.  I won’t do it when my son’s new girlfriend is there.    Then I got out what was in my bag.  First pictures.  Lots of them so we’ll go fast.  She said how natural I look with the little baby I was holding.  Yes.  And even at New Year’s dinner I held him as soon as I could, thought I was monopolizing him and asked if anyone else wanted to hold him.  One friend did she but didn’t want to go through all the people to give him back.  I’m very agile and did.  And my grandson was so sweet holding him.  She asked if I thought he’ll have any more brothers or sisters.  Don’t know.  But I reminded her he has 3 half sisters and a step sister and a step brother.    We saw all the family pictures with my son in town.  She commented that it’s great memories.  Yes!  Later she compared to missing him and now being with my old friend that it’s getting better.  Yes, with my son as time goes on it gets better but I still think about it every once in a while.  She nodded.  I asked her how her son is.  Good.  She said they were laughing because both boys went to the same name geography at the same time.  One a city in this state and the other a country in South America.  I asked her if he knows when he’s coming home yet.  No.  I smiled and said how we are in the same boat.  Yes.  She looked at my middle son’s girlfriend and said it looks like she fits in nicely with our family.  Yes, she does.  She said she looks like my youngest son (it’s the curly, curly hair) and also like me with being slender and vivacious like I am.  I showed her my cousin (she’s always dramatic) and her very handsome husband.  Also that friend we meet for breakfast on Sundays.  She said he’s older.  Yes, everyone is – I’m the youngest.  And she said that and I even look younger.  In the family pictures I said when I’m feeling fat I can look and see I’m not – especially compared to my daughter.  But …   I didn’t go on.  I also showed her pictures of us at that party and the snow pictures of my daughter’s of the 2 little kids.  We looked through all the family pictures and then my sons pictures.  She saw some but not all when I brought his in last week.  She asked me if they were his pictures or copies that I had.  My copies and they are smaller because I take so many pictures I have to put 4 on a sheet.  She asked me if I have a lot of albums and if they fill up a room.  I said they are in 2 bookshelves – one living room, the other dining room.  Almost 80 albums.  I think about putting them on CDs but then you can’t sit down, in a cozy way, and look at them with people.  She commented that’s special to me.  Yes.   She thought it was great how my son grows a lot of his food.  Also showed her his girlfriends (here and there) and the two friends with the same name including the one that was supposed to live with him out there but didn’t.  Then there was someone sitting on the couch and I asked her who he looks like.  She looked and guessed my husband.  Yes, it’s his brother’s son my son has become friends with that lives in the state next to ours he was visiting/used to live.  She also saw my sons coordinator with him and me.  She thanked me for sharing the pictures with her.  OK … now I brought out the folder with all those sheets I found.  From 1992 until 2001.  It shows this has been going on a long time.  I said I wasn’t going to read them all but I chose first the “Why I Want A Divorce From This Family” one.  She looked surprised I titled it that.  It was bad.  So I read the 4 pages.  It was very hard to get though and I stopped briefly once in a while because I was crying some.  Not full crying but enough to get a kleenex and not being able to read them all through smoothly.  I just tried to speedily read though as much as I could.  Once she asked me if I wanted to take a break.  I said no, I was almost done on the last page.    She knew it was hard – it hurt so much to read it.  Especially because these things are still happening.  All the putdowns for who I am & what I believe and what I like, no communication, not being listened to, all I praise them and they don’t do the same to me in return, low self esteem, negativism, no respect and such.  It was hard not to cry.  I also read the letter I wrote to my husband.  She asked if I actually read this to them and gave to my husband.  We used to have family meetings – I think I did.  But that’s all of all those papers.  Just so she gets the idea.  She said it doesn’t have to happen anymore.  I can change that.  Or change my responses to them.  She even once said about my family expanding with my sons girlfriend and maybe they’ll have kids too (not now she made sure she said – in the future).  She related a story about her friend who has 2 boys 24 (soon to be 25) and 21.  They, and their Dad, treat the Mom the same way – talking down to her and not being nice.  She loves the boys and the family but it’s uncomfortable for her and her husband to be around that.  They put down the Mom so much.  So during this I needed to go to the bathroom.  I said something but I don’t think she heard so I just went on listening.  When I looked like it she glanced at the clock.  I ended up not waiting very long (I didn’t ask in minutes – I’m thinking maybe 4 minutes an that’s not very good at all) and when she finished her last thought I said that I was going to go.  When leaving I told her I do want to know what her friend does in response to that.    So that’s what we talked about when I got back.  She said that she’s a devout (?) Christian (her husband Muslim) and she’s very active in her church choir and other things.  She’s very pretty and is a member of several groups and people really like her.  She keeps active and busy so it doesn’t matter to her as much.  She carries her family’s insurance and works full time and now her husband’s job isn’t going well and he can see how much she’s needed.  She said she does get mad and has, too said in the past about moving on and divorcing her family.  But her kids do love her.    I said, too how I know my kids love me.  She agreed, they do.  I told her how I try to set an example of how to be that they will, too.  But it doesn't happen.  She said it's not right how they are and that I wouldn't be like that.  No, I wouldn't.  I’m sure she told me that on purpose to make me think.  But it did make me think and I told her I know what I have to do.  What?  Like that – get active and busy and get a job outside my home.  Yes.  But that’s hard to do.   I’m different than the people at my place of worship.  It’s more in my heart and I’m not a doer and I couldn’t even tell you a Bible story.  I don’t think I’d fit in.  She said I should try – maybe.  I mentioned Meet Ups all over and in our city.  She said he sister does that in another state.  I was concerned about going alone.  She does for hiking and others and she started off going alone and then met people.  She suggested I take my husband or daughter with me first.  But she said that going with a friend isn’t always good because you end up talking to them and not meeting new people.    Then again I talked about how mean they are to me.  Like that night we picked up our son from the airport (my husband and daughter).  And the night we went out looking at Christmas lights.  I had to go to the bathroom and they kept saying up head but I knew at that point, like I sometimes get, when I get out of the car I wouldn’t have been able to wait at all.  She nodded like she knew.  So my husband pulled over and I went by the side of the road and my daughter said if the cops come they are leaving.  Just not nice!    She thinks I can take them all aside and say something.  Not write something out like I did in the past.  But just to let them know now what I don’t like what they are doing.  And if I get active I won’t care about their ridiculous behavior.  I know.  So we ended.  She changed Monday’s time an hour earlier because of that class (or meeting) she has sometimes.  She said she’ll be anxious to hear how my experiment goes on Sunday.  It’s the one where I won’t take the initiative to do anything after dinner and see what happens.  I bet she’s glad for the upcoming snow not to have to come in tomorrow because I could tell she has a cold.  She was sniffling, sneezed, coughed a couple times, using bluish cough lozenges and kleenex.  Hope she feels better.   I went into the other massage therapist after.  I laid down on the table, on that comfy top with the softest blanket and the heater on.  It was so very nice!  She’s going out to near my son Sunday though next Friday (5/6 days).  Lucky her!  When we were done she opened the door and my therapist was out in the hallway by the closets there.  We each said a quick hi.  She commented to the massage therapist about the overhead light being partially off that she was going to turn the light off and then back on.  I commented it might just be one but I don’t think she heard it and then she was gone when I came out.  I’ll need to call my massage therapist and cancel for tomorrow and my physical therapy.  We’re expecting too much snow.  Well … it’s winter and it’s going to happen.  Just as long as I don’t have to drive in the bad snow or ice and that everyone stays safe.