We Roll Played She Was My Son And She Liked It
Right away I told her I wanted to do some roll playing. She thought that was great. I told her I wanted her to be my son. I don’t want this to happen – to have an accident but I wanted to roll play it out. Today’s a good day to go downstairs because they are usually not there on Thursdays. I wanted to talk about it, set it up first. Sure. She asked me if we are needing to do this soon. Yes. And if I’m going to have an accident. Yes. We set this up and decided that she’d be the not so nice son – mad and disrespectful. And, yes, I’d need to tell him I needed to go and what happened.
So we left and head downstairs. When we were at the top steps she turned and looked and said something to make sure I had my purse with me (kind of just checking). Yes. While we were walking down she pointed out to me the lady leaving out in front with the baby. She said she works at the Adoption Agency (she finally met her) and they only do Ethiopian adoptions. That’s the baby I’m probably hearing and it’s hers. She’s a nurse at the children’s hospital. Ok. So we got downstairs and there was a man worker around. “Great!” I commented but she acted like that’s like real life again. He didn’t bother us.
We went up and down the hall a couple times (me like following her) and she was acting like my son saying I just went, I can wait, how many times do I go in a day, his plants are going to be wilting and it will be all my fault, I didn’t tell him I’m like this and such. Finally we went back (I said to) to right outside the bathroom and I told her I need to try to stay still. I tried but it didn’t last very long and soon I told her, “I can’t hold it,” and was going. I quickly took off my shoes and said so softly. I didn’t say but I didn’t want to get them wet just it case it got to the ground. I think she said OK and I remember standing there with my legs crossed, kind of bent over saying “Oh my God” with my hand quickly up to my forhead. After, I asked her now what. She, being my son, sounded aggravated and said, “You already went,” and even looking quickly at my wet clothes. I fought back and said, “Don’t worry about it. I have extra clothes.”
In figuring out what to do next I looked down and saw it on the floor and told her. She said to send him away so I could take care of myself. Not to mention the getting it on the floor to him. That’s what I did. I told her (him) to go away (she joked and said she’ll get a smoke – I laughed), I went in, changed, back out to clean up the wet area on the floor and back to her where she was waiting for me. We went upstairs. I can’t remember what we said. Maybe that that was good. Oh – she said it was really fun being my son, she really liked that. Later (in her office) she told me since I’ll be out there where I know no one I can be like my son to him and see how he handles it. Be outspoken and opinionated and such. Freedom from worry she wants me to be.
We got back into her office and she asked me how that was. Good but I knew she wasn’t my son and not for real. She noticed right off the bat that I didn’t shut down like I sometimes do. I told her no – with others I don’t, sometimes in here I do. I don’t on the outside but feel it on the inside. “Even when you have an accident?” she asked me. “Yes, sometimes after I do.” Then I feel like, ‘what did I just do?’ She asked me if I’m feeling shut down now about it. No. Good, and she told me I didn’t seem like it. She was impressed that I stuck up for myself. I said yes – I do with my kids. And that I let her look, something my son would have done she told me. She said he would have probably made some rude comment, too. I asked her if she saw it on the floor. No. Good.
The first thing I did was show her the card I got for some horse show. It’s from the same (Polo) but a different company (this was Epw and hers was Therapy Horsemanship) putting it on that she went to last year. Then I told her how my daughter’s boyfriend is a member of AAA (we have insurance through them but not the travel club). I met him at this really nice place. I got lots of maps, a cool Trip Tick and such. I showed her some of the maps and the Trip Tick briefly. Then I pulled out another map I had of mine of the terrain for us to look at it together. I told her she may have to sit next to me on the couch to look and she moved over right at the beginning.
She sat down and we looked at the map I unfolded first. We went from the city I’m flying into, then to see my Aunt, then where he lives now, then to the other big city and around, then to where he is going to be living. Very far we both said. She wanted to know the name of the city he’s moving to and I showed her on the map. Along with that funny named one that begins with a ‘W’. She told me things to do in the northern big city. Where not to stay, riding a sort of trolley or bus line – ba rt or trains. She said on that I may want to do Big Bertha. Ugh!
We went through the maps and I showed her the 2 videos about what it’s like driving up that highway in the middle of the state. She thought it was very nice. Lots of trucks, motorcycles, cars and such. It used to have 16 hour traffic jams because it was the only major highway in the middle of the state but I think it’s been improved. Doesn’t look too bad on this video. One was done on my birthday last year and talked about birthdays of others. One they talked about the dangerous drive, storms and traffic. She smiled.
Then the video like that funny commercial someone sent me about the medicine – holding it. Someone sent me this too. It was of a guy in a car looking miserable. She said “oh, no” sympathetically and asked if he was in a traffic jam. I thought so and went on to say that I think this one was not real either and made to be funny. Each time he tried to go inconspicuously someone caught him and he couldn’t. Then he runs into a store and up the stairs and my worst nightmare – the restroom was out of order. Later she said for me – or locked. Yes. Then it shows him with his pants wet not making it.
She told me that’s the best video for me - perfect. She asked me how I felt watching it. I told her I don’t think I could have lasted that long. She told me she didn’t think so either and that I’ve been in similar situations many times. Yes. And being inconspicuous I hate to do that. It’s my last resort and I don’t know if it’s really right to do that. She knows I don’t like to do that unless I really have to and have no other choice.
So that got us to talking about what may work and what may not work. Different things to do at different times. But before that we talked about when I can go ahead, or him to go ahead, so that I can stop and go to the bathroom whenever I needed to. I can’t do it in the big cities we agreed. Only out in the middle of no where. Sometimes we are going through the big cities, sometimes through the mountains and sometimes through flat areas. I told her how I don’t like to go by the side somewhere (I won’t do it on the highway – I’ll just go in the car). She asked me if I’ll have a towel or something. I told her some plastic bag or sort. And then I’ll need to stop and change. I quickly said something about hating to sit in it.
She told me when I’m with him I just may have to wear more protections. I told her earlier that he knows I go often but he has no idea, no clue, of accidents I sometimes have. I told her we had dinner with my cousins the other night and she said to make sure we stay together for safety reasons. My therapist said she’s telling me just the opposite of that. She said naturally we would but with his personality and my bathroom habits it might not be a good idea. She also told me to tell him up front that I’ll need to stop every hour. That wouldn’t go over very well. He’ll tell me we’ll never get there. Tell him I’ll need to. The truck does have to go 55 mph and I can go faster. But he’s not driven a 16’ truck like that. What if something does happen? Later I said I just won’t drink anything. She said then I’ll pass out and be going to the hospital for dehydration. No.
She said I’m really quick and I’ll need to stop when I need to. I said how sometimes how I can’t make it inside anywhere. And sometimes there may not be a place to stop when I’m in the car with him and she said such as coming out of a mountain, traffic jams and such. She said to use a combination of things. She thinks the leggings would sort of hold it in. When I’m walking around it wouldn’t show (gravity I said) but sitting down would.
If I have an accident and pull off I don’t need to tell him I’ve had an accident – just that I need to stop. And then I can change. She also said later about me buying products out there. Just going on my own. It’s going to be a little town he’ll be in but she said stop off in the big city if I seem to be running out. I said how both of us will need alone time. She totally agreed. We talked about second hand smoke and she said probably yes. She said maybe that’s a good thing and then I won’t care, and I’d get the munchies. I said I’d get fat. She said it may be a time to try new things – new clothes. Did she mean the other, too? Who knows?
She talked about my clothes. I said too that I can’t take 10 pairs of jeans. I don’t have to do a camp bag (she laughed) but I can’t have a bag too big. Plus I’ll have a backpack and my purse. She thinks I should wear leggings and a tunic top. Top or dress? Both and skirts. She thinks they will easily fold up in my purse (I can roll 3 of them up inside my purse she says). She says the massage therapist wears them sometimes and they look so cute on her. I have the body to do so, too. I don’t have any. We talked about going to thrift stores or discount stores and finding them like my boys bike shorts I found for 2 or 3 dollars. She also thinks I should invent something, blog about it and make lots of money from it. We laughed.
She thinks I should go to Medical West to find some inserts or something. She said she would go and research all the products available. I told her they would probably come up way above my waist. She said to come in next time (Monday) with an outfit, big bertha and little bertha and we’ll experiment. She thought if I had an accident it wouldn’t go on the floor. I said it still might – leggings are lightweight. She said heavy duty ones. I said winter weight. We laughed. She did make this clothing thing funny. I said I shouldn’t take any pictures of myself because no one will know who I am and they’ll say, “What is she wearing?” We laughed.
At one point I needed to go to the bathroom. I told her. I don’t think she heard the first time. In a minute I told her again. She glanced at the clock. We went on talking. I probably looked uncomfortable – but not too bad I don’t think. I asked how long it’s been. 3 minutes. Is that all? I told her I had to go for a minute before so she gave me 4 minutes and told me to go to 5 minutes. She asked me if I’m doing my Kegels? Yes. After she said about the dehydration I told her I’m going to the bathroom. She said it was 5 minutes. I went, came back.
We also talked about how long each flight is. I have to get a boarding pass ahead of time and you get your seat by letter and number. She said she would sit in the back right by the bathrooms. So it’s not obvious when I have to go a lot. No, I don’t want to be obvious . She said she likes to have everything planned or set or something (under the wire – not draw attention to). When we first started talking about this I told her how she flies, she knows how sometimes you just can’t go during – they won’t let you. Going out my flights are 1 hour and then 3 ½ hours. Coming back 2 ½ hours and 2 hours.
We talked about wearing the special outfit next time and bringing big and little bertha. I didn’t want to wear one of them – put it on there? She said yes but for me to get used to it I could – it’s up to me. She said if it was her she’d like the peace of mind and not worry so she’d do it. I like sitting next to the window and she said just like I like that and I like wearing jeans but I may need to make adjustments. We ended with me shopping for this new wardrobe we were talking and laughing about. She was really liking this new style and says I have the look for it. It was funny. I left and we said about having a nice weekend and such.
So we left and head downstairs. When we were at the top steps she turned and looked and said something to make sure I had my purse with me (kind of just checking). Yes. While we were walking down she pointed out to me the lady leaving out in front with the baby. She said she works at the Adoption Agency (she finally met her) and they only do Ethiopian adoptions. That’s the baby I’m probably hearing and it’s hers. She’s a nurse at the children’s hospital. Ok. So we got downstairs and there was a man worker around. “Great!” I commented but she acted like that’s like real life again. He didn’t bother us.
We went up and down the hall a couple times (me like following her) and she was acting like my son saying I just went, I can wait, how many times do I go in a day, his plants are going to be wilting and it will be all my fault, I didn’t tell him I’m like this and such. Finally we went back (I said to) to right outside the bathroom and I told her I need to try to stay still. I tried but it didn’t last very long and soon I told her, “I can’t hold it,” and was going. I quickly took off my shoes and said so softly. I didn’t say but I didn’t want to get them wet just it case it got to the ground. I think she said OK and I remember standing there with my legs crossed, kind of bent over saying “Oh my God” with my hand quickly up to my forhead. After, I asked her now what. She, being my son, sounded aggravated and said, “You already went,” and even looking quickly at my wet clothes. I fought back and said, “Don’t worry about it. I have extra clothes.”
In figuring out what to do next I looked down and saw it on the floor and told her. She said to send him away so I could take care of myself. Not to mention the getting it on the floor to him. That’s what I did. I told her (him) to go away (she joked and said she’ll get a smoke – I laughed), I went in, changed, back out to clean up the wet area on the floor and back to her where she was waiting for me. We went upstairs. I can’t remember what we said. Maybe that that was good. Oh – she said it was really fun being my son, she really liked that. Later (in her office) she told me since I’ll be out there where I know no one I can be like my son to him and see how he handles it. Be outspoken and opinionated and such. Freedom from worry she wants me to be.
We got back into her office and she asked me how that was. Good but I knew she wasn’t my son and not for real. She noticed right off the bat that I didn’t shut down like I sometimes do. I told her no – with others I don’t, sometimes in here I do. I don’t on the outside but feel it on the inside. “Even when you have an accident?” she asked me. “Yes, sometimes after I do.” Then I feel like, ‘what did I just do?’ She asked me if I’m feeling shut down now about it. No. Good, and she told me I didn’t seem like it. She was impressed that I stuck up for myself. I said yes – I do with my kids. And that I let her look, something my son would have done she told me. She said he would have probably made some rude comment, too. I asked her if she saw it on the floor. No. Good.
The first thing I did was show her the card I got for some horse show. It’s from the same (Polo) but a different company (this was Epw and hers was Therapy Horsemanship) putting it on that she went to last year. Then I told her how my daughter’s boyfriend is a member of AAA (we have insurance through them but not the travel club). I met him at this really nice place. I got lots of maps, a cool Trip Tick and such. I showed her some of the maps and the Trip Tick briefly. Then I pulled out another map I had of mine of the terrain for us to look at it together. I told her she may have to sit next to me on the couch to look and she moved over right at the beginning.
She sat down and we looked at the map I unfolded first. We went from the city I’m flying into, then to see my Aunt, then where he lives now, then to the other big city and around, then to where he is going to be living. Very far we both said. She wanted to know the name of the city he’s moving to and I showed her on the map. Along with that funny named one that begins with a ‘W’. She told me things to do in the northern big city. Where not to stay, riding a sort of trolley or bus line – ba rt or trains. She said on that I may want to do Big Bertha. Ugh!
We went through the maps and I showed her the 2 videos about what it’s like driving up that highway in the middle of the state. She thought it was very nice. Lots of trucks, motorcycles, cars and such. It used to have 16 hour traffic jams because it was the only major highway in the middle of the state but I think it’s been improved. Doesn’t look too bad on this video. One was done on my birthday last year and talked about birthdays of others. One they talked about the dangerous drive, storms and traffic. She smiled.
Then the video like that funny commercial someone sent me about the medicine – holding it. Someone sent me this too. It was of a guy in a car looking miserable. She said “oh, no” sympathetically and asked if he was in a traffic jam. I thought so and went on to say that I think this one was not real either and made to be funny. Each time he tried to go inconspicuously someone caught him and he couldn’t. Then he runs into a store and up the stairs and my worst nightmare – the restroom was out of order. Later she said for me – or locked. Yes. Then it shows him with his pants wet not making it.
She told me that’s the best video for me - perfect. She asked me how I felt watching it. I told her I don’t think I could have lasted that long. She told me she didn’t think so either and that I’ve been in similar situations many times. Yes. And being inconspicuous I hate to do that. It’s my last resort and I don’t know if it’s really right to do that. She knows I don’t like to do that unless I really have to and have no other choice.
So that got us to talking about what may work and what may not work. Different things to do at different times. But before that we talked about when I can go ahead, or him to go ahead, so that I can stop and go to the bathroom whenever I needed to. I can’t do it in the big cities we agreed. Only out in the middle of no where. Sometimes we are going through the big cities, sometimes through the mountains and sometimes through flat areas. I told her how I don’t like to go by the side somewhere (I won’t do it on the highway – I’ll just go in the car). She asked me if I’ll have a towel or something. I told her some plastic bag or sort. And then I’ll need to stop and change. I quickly said something about hating to sit in it.
She told me when I’m with him I just may have to wear more protections. I told her earlier that he knows I go often but he has no idea, no clue, of accidents I sometimes have. I told her we had dinner with my cousins the other night and she said to make sure we stay together for safety reasons. My therapist said she’s telling me just the opposite of that. She said naturally we would but with his personality and my bathroom habits it might not be a good idea. She also told me to tell him up front that I’ll need to stop every hour. That wouldn’t go over very well. He’ll tell me we’ll never get there. Tell him I’ll need to. The truck does have to go 55 mph and I can go faster. But he’s not driven a 16’ truck like that. What if something does happen? Later I said I just won’t drink anything. She said then I’ll pass out and be going to the hospital for dehydration. No.
She said I’m really quick and I’ll need to stop when I need to. I said how sometimes how I can’t make it inside anywhere. And sometimes there may not be a place to stop when I’m in the car with him and she said such as coming out of a mountain, traffic jams and such. She said to use a combination of things. She thinks the leggings would sort of hold it in. When I’m walking around it wouldn’t show (gravity I said) but sitting down would.
If I have an accident and pull off I don’t need to tell him I’ve had an accident – just that I need to stop. And then I can change. She also said later about me buying products out there. Just going on my own. It’s going to be a little town he’ll be in but she said stop off in the big city if I seem to be running out. I said how both of us will need alone time. She totally agreed. We talked about second hand smoke and she said probably yes. She said maybe that’s a good thing and then I won’t care, and I’d get the munchies. I said I’d get fat. She said it may be a time to try new things – new clothes. Did she mean the other, too? Who knows?
She talked about my clothes. I said too that I can’t take 10 pairs of jeans. I don’t have to do a camp bag (she laughed) but I can’t have a bag too big. Plus I’ll have a backpack and my purse. She thinks I should wear leggings and a tunic top. Top or dress? Both and skirts. She thinks they will easily fold up in my purse (I can roll 3 of them up inside my purse she says). She says the massage therapist wears them sometimes and they look so cute on her. I have the body to do so, too. I don’t have any. We talked about going to thrift stores or discount stores and finding them like my boys bike shorts I found for 2 or 3 dollars. She also thinks I should invent something, blog about it and make lots of money from it. We laughed.
She thinks I should go to Medical West to find some inserts or something. She said she would go and research all the products available. I told her they would probably come up way above my waist. She said to come in next time (Monday) with an outfit, big bertha and little bertha and we’ll experiment. She thought if I had an accident it wouldn’t go on the floor. I said it still might – leggings are lightweight. She said heavy duty ones. I said winter weight. We laughed. She did make this clothing thing funny. I said I shouldn’t take any pictures of myself because no one will know who I am and they’ll say, “What is she wearing?” We laughed.
At one point I needed to go to the bathroom. I told her. I don’t think she heard the first time. In a minute I told her again. She glanced at the clock. We went on talking. I probably looked uncomfortable – but not too bad I don’t think. I asked how long it’s been. 3 minutes. Is that all? I told her I had to go for a minute before so she gave me 4 minutes and told me to go to 5 minutes. She asked me if I’m doing my Kegels? Yes. After she said about the dehydration I told her I’m going to the bathroom. She said it was 5 minutes. I went, came back.
We also talked about how long each flight is. I have to get a boarding pass ahead of time and you get your seat by letter and number. She said she would sit in the back right by the bathrooms. So it’s not obvious when I have to go a lot. No, I don’t want to be obvious . She said she likes to have everything planned or set or something (under the wire – not draw attention to). When we first started talking about this I told her how she flies, she knows how sometimes you just can’t go during – they won’t let you. Going out my flights are 1 hour and then 3 ½ hours. Coming back 2 ½ hours and 2 hours.
We talked about wearing the special outfit next time and bringing big and little bertha. I didn’t want to wear one of them – put it on there? She said yes but for me to get used to it I could – it’s up to me. She said if it was her she’d like the peace of mind and not worry so she’d do it. I like sitting next to the window and she said just like I like that and I like wearing jeans but I may need to make adjustments. We ended with me shopping for this new wardrobe we were talking and laughing about. She was really liking this new style and says I have the look for it. It was funny. I left and we said about having a nice weekend and such.
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