We're all born broken
I find myself in a space none too similar than before, yet at the same time very different.
As much as I always manage to piece myself back together, I sit here alone as I've done so for a majority of 30 years, and feel the place that needs to be fixed.
Yet, it never does get fixed.
If it were, would I want to go out and do anything else?
Would I want to search the whole world for the repair kit?
Would I still care to help someone by chasing the answer?
It's being broken that keeps me going. It keeps me longing and wanting, searching. They say, "be careful want you wish for - you might just get it". If we wanted to be fixed, would it be what we thought it was? Would our hearts still be the same, holding the same possibilities for complete passion and enjoyment. That divine love to always remain inside of us. Maybe we only chase the carrot because it's all that's there to do. It serves it's purpose.
I understand what it would mean to be a complete person, as I've felt it.
This is why I will always believe there's a point, and that when it comes time to hang up my shoes, and rest the final rest, the carrot with disappear. I'll no longer need to be broken.
As much as I always manage to piece myself back together, I sit here alone as I've done so for a majority of 30 years, and feel the place that needs to be fixed.
Yet, it never does get fixed.
If it were, would I want to go out and do anything else?
Would I want to search the whole world for the repair kit?
Would I still care to help someone by chasing the answer?
It's being broken that keeps me going. It keeps me longing and wanting, searching. They say, "be careful want you wish for - you might just get it". If we wanted to be fixed, would it be what we thought it was? Would our hearts still be the same, holding the same possibilities for complete passion and enjoyment. That divine love to always remain inside of us. Maybe we only chase the carrot because it's all that's there to do. It serves it's purpose.
I understand what it would mean to be a complete person, as I've felt it.
This is why I will always believe there's a point, and that when it comes time to hang up my shoes, and rest the final rest, the carrot with disappear. I'll no longer need to be broken.
Replies
I believe challenges come for a reason, to make us stronger. However, the challenge of mental health for me, is a big one. I try to understand what I am experiencing, why others appear to be happy and joyful. Why is it a person with depression, it comes and goes? Bouts of crying and so on. I don\'t understand it at all. But you write very very informative information. Take care.
It sounds like the loneliness might be a trigger for you, like it is for me.
I was left alone as a child when my parents became unwell and did all sorts of irrational and \"crazy\" things. It\'s an unsafe environment for a developing child. I love my parents though.
I still have memories of when my father would try to kick down the kitchen door, high as a kite, thinking he was super human. Then my mother would be throwing their LP collection over in the neighbours garden, as she felt that the voices she heard were them from next door.
I was just left alone to watch it all until the mental health team came to take them away and lock them up in hospital.
Then I would have to go to relatives.
Oh yes, loneliness, the key word. I do good when I am in college, and right now I am studying online. I would just like to be able to stabilize mine just a little bit. I isolate myself and I am alone, however I have company now. But seems like the more I am inside my apartment by myself for days, the worse it becomes. It is hard for a person with a mental illness, and I hate to use that term. I believe in life, we all have problems, some just worse than others. The word dysfunctional seems to fit a lot of us. Not just ones with mental problems. Still don\'t like that word. Hugs and hope to see some more information. How you handle things.
Having a wicked sense of humour and an eclectic taste in music too. Plus having a FB account!