we got into an argument this morning
today babe and I got into an argument! I was commenting on my childs amount of time in the shower, and said a phrase that cracked babe up. I thought it was a sound statement and wasn't saying it to be funny, but was making my point. He kept laughing at the phrase, and I was getting more angry at him laughing.
I simply stated, "stop laughing now, i'm getting angry, and feel like you are laughing at me." Well it escalated from there and I started yelling at him, and he asked me to calm down of course I did, but I end up leaving him at home. He has an appointment today with the taxes, and I am wondering if I am going to see any of that money. He promised me that I would get half. I don't see that happening. Usually he gives me money and then I spend it on him. ugh!!!
What happened to the men that supported there women and all that good jazz. why some men have to be in the relationship for themselves. its so freakin annoying. If we are broke up. I am just going to stay single. I don't want to go through all this anymore. I am so tired of giving, giving, giving. and never recieving. I am going to just take care of me and my children. and never mind him and his truck and his wood. and all that comes with a relationship.
i'm so tired of being a victim of abuse. I am so tired of always laying down and taking stuff that I don't deserve. I should just leave him and be done with it! But I know what is going to happen, we are going to be apart for awhile and then he is going to call me about some other reason and then I will cave and we will be back together. I think this is it though. I am through with all the up down, breaking up, and getting back together. all the anger I cause him, the unfortunate existance of myself. I seem to just exist for him and that is all. I have children that need me, I should be existing for them and only them.
I had fun I took them to a dance last night and we enjoyed ourselves. It was fun. And he wasn't there, he stayed home. If he had went, we would of got into an argument sooner than today. because of jealousy.
I wonder sometimes why I am so miserable without him, when i am miserable with him. I mean what enjoyment do I get when he is always calling me down, when he is always hurting me, when he is always taking what is mine as if it is his. And tells me this and that about my children, what i need to do and what I need to say, and blah blah blah.
i'm just angry right now, and I think that it will all pass. I just had to log this while it was still fresh in my mind.
I simply stated, "stop laughing now, i'm getting angry, and feel like you are laughing at me." Well it escalated from there and I started yelling at him, and he asked me to calm down of course I did, but I end up leaving him at home. He has an appointment today with the taxes, and I am wondering if I am going to see any of that money. He promised me that I would get half. I don't see that happening. Usually he gives me money and then I spend it on him. ugh!!!
What happened to the men that supported there women and all that good jazz. why some men have to be in the relationship for themselves. its so freakin annoying. If we are broke up. I am just going to stay single. I don't want to go through all this anymore. I am so tired of giving, giving, giving. and never recieving. I am going to just take care of me and my children. and never mind him and his truck and his wood. and all that comes with a relationship.
i'm so tired of being a victim of abuse. I am so tired of always laying down and taking stuff that I don't deserve. I should just leave him and be done with it! But I know what is going to happen, we are going to be apart for awhile and then he is going to call me about some other reason and then I will cave and we will be back together. I think this is it though. I am through with all the up down, breaking up, and getting back together. all the anger I cause him, the unfortunate existance of myself. I seem to just exist for him and that is all. I have children that need me, I should be existing for them and only them.
I had fun I took them to a dance last night and we enjoyed ourselves. It was fun. And he wasn't there, he stayed home. If he had went, we would of got into an argument sooner than today. because of jealousy.
I wonder sometimes why I am so miserable without him, when i am miserable with him. I mean what enjoyment do I get when he is always calling me down, when he is always hurting me, when he is always taking what is mine as if it is his. And tells me this and that about my children, what i need to do and what I need to say, and blah blah blah.
i'm just angry right now, and I think that it will all pass. I just had to log this while it was still fresh in my mind.
Replies
later on he tells me \"what kind of parent am I?\" because I didn\'t memorize my childrens\' id #\'s.
I beg to differ, this # is there #, it\'s not mine.
Hi baby,
I am in Roatan, still. I read here every once in a while but I don\'t have internet very often. My heart is breaking for you. You are giving your all and more to this guy. anybody would be so lucky to have you. That fool has no idea how wonderful you are, or how lucky he is. All I want is for you to be happy. I do, however feel a new toughness in you that I think is saying to me that you won\'t take all the abuse you used to take. I really hope that is true. Please take care of yourself and keep safe.
This darn tablet and I just don\'t get along. It does nothing that I want it too.
Georgia
hey gem good to hear from you! Yep! after a month of no contact, I end up realizing I am stronger than I thought! I am women hear me roar!!!!
Your awareness of how you are being abused will grown and eventually you will definitely ACT and start protecting yourself by probably getting the hell away from him.
The problem is (as it was from my experience), that it just takes awhile to get to that place.
When you are ready you will know it. he\'s also picking fights probably because he knows he has some money coming in soon. That\'s how my ex operated.
yeah bean, it\'s what was at the back of my mind also, I really am getting to the point of stay if you want, (I want him to stay), or leave if you want, but it is his choice and his alone.
I love him, and I can only speak for myself, as for him, he can only speak for himself. I can be there for him, but only to the extent of my choice, and as for him, he has to choose to stay, or leave and it is all up to him.
If and when the time comes where I can not stand any abuse from him, I will make the choice for him.
He is slowly understanding that I am standing up for myself, and he says its a new me, and he likes it. I smile and simply say \"I love you\" That is all I can say.
If that is not enough than he can go elsewhere and be miserable without me. by his choice :)