We Get What We Need

Isn't that how the song goes?  You can't always get what you want--- you get what you need.  I realize I have been on here forever and have chatted endlessly with so many  (I am sure did send some of you also reaching for that duct tape-- haha)

While things are still not perfect or as I would hope, I do now understand that we all find ways to help us make it through and to find those feelings and assurances we are not able to get from those closest to us.  I needed to be heard, understood, still feel like I am a warm caring, kinda smart, semi attractive , woman-- who is still sexy and desirable.  Had I not reached out and looked I would still be feeling like an unwanted garden slug. 

Granted , this does sometimes come at a cost--- As I did chat and share with others some very personal and deep dark  wants, needs and fantasies--- we were both able to share that communication and excitement to help us through  (Is amazing how incredible it does feel just to think-- or even just realize it is still possible for another to want us and to do for us) Does wonders for our very wounded egos.   But occasionally we do feel guilty for sharing what we have with others (especially the opposite sex) while we don't with our spouses. I have finally let go of some of that guilt . I did try to open up to stbx many times.  I did discover I did have to carefully weigh some of my words and thoughts because rather than listening, he would quickly  twist things and say it was all an attack on him.  (the poor poor me defense) So I did learn what I cannot say.   With anyone here--- I can say exactly what I feel. Is extremely refreshing after the eggshells and tearful cries at night to sleep. 

I bring all this up now because I did just reconnect with an old friend on here .  He is still in his same unhappy marriage, but he sounds so much better. He has found someone to truly open up and share with-- nothing crossing that line  simply someone to listen and share an emotional bond and connection with. I sense he too did struggle with some guilt---  In my opinion  (for whatever that is worth) when our partner no longer listens or simply treats us as an ATM or maid-- some of that guilt does go by the wayside.  So now I tell you all just as I have him--  It is ok to get what you need.  

And I thank you all for all the support and encouragement you have ( and continue ) to give-- no matter how chatty or naughty I have become. Thanks for putting up with me.   :)